


Always a Bridesmaid

by Missus_T



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:42:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 78,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5359772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missus_T/pseuds/Missus_T
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How long can you lust after your best friend's brother before you give up hope? How do you reconcile an attraction for someone you've thought of as a little sister? How long can two people dance around their feelings before they dance together? E/B AH</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Small Town

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to my betas and pre-readers for this project - E_Hunter, Seastarr08, and SydneyGen.

            Forks, Washington was a small town. When I say small town, I mean it was a _really_ small town. It was the kind of place where you probably dated one of your friend's ex-boyfriends, because there just weren't that many people to go out with. You probably dated friends' brothers, too. Or, if you were me, you thought your best friend's brother was the hottest guy on the planet, but he had called you Belly for as long as you'd known him and saw you as an extra little sister. In short, for me, growing up in Forks sucked.

            I had been best friends with Alice Cullen since the summer before we started third grade; the same summer she moved to Forks. She and her brother, Edward, the aforementioned Belly-caller, had been adopted by Doctor Carlisle Cullen and his wife, Esme, after their parents died. Their dad was Carlisle's brother, Randall. He and their mother had sent the kids to Forks for a long weekend while they celebrated their anniversary. When they were hours late to pick the kids up, Carlisle had a friend in the Seattle Police Department go check on them. They had died of carbon monoxide poisoning from an unknown gas leak, asleep in their bed.

            It had been all the town talked about for weeks. When the dust settled, Alice and Edward had simply stayed in Forks and been adopted by the Cullens. What made for an even crazier situation, was the fact that they had just adopted Emmett McCarty less than a year before.

            After Esme had been through several miscarriages, they had begun to consider their options for adoption or becoming foster parents. One night, after working close to forty hours in the emergency department, Carlisle treated a boy, who appeared to be twelve or thirteen. He had a bad case of pneumonia and what turned out to be jungle rot in his feet. They had been crammed into a pair of soaking wet tennis shoes that were at a least one size too small. Emmett, it turned out, was a runaway who'd left his drug addicted mother after they had been evicted in Seattle. He figured the farther away from the city he got, the more likely he could find someone to pay him for doing odd jobs, and that maybe, just maybe, he'd find people who weren't so caught up in their busy corporate lives that they might give him a place to sleep and a little bit of food.

            Carlisle tracked down Emmett's mother at a homeless shelter in the city and went through all sorts of red tape to get her to give up her rights and let them adopt her son. Esme had wanted a baby, but she told Carlisle that the minute she met Emmet, she knew that he was meant to be theirs. With the arrival of Alice and Edward, they went from a couple dreaming of infants to a family of five, in less than twelve months. The three children looked nothing alike. They would have never been recognized as siblings based on their physical appearances, but that wasn't unusual even in siblings who had the same biological parents. What they had though, was a bond between them that was much stronger than many siblings shared, because they knew that life and family, could disappear in an instant.

            It's awful to say I'm glad Alice's parent's died, but if Alice and Edward hadn't come to Forks my life would have been very different. Before I met her, I was always really shy and didn't have a lot of friends. My best friend before her was Jacob Black, but he lived on the reservation, so we were really only friends on weekends and during the summer. He was a year younger than me and was into things like cars and cliff diving and smelling like a sweaty boy, but our dads were best friends. Jake's dad was in a wheelchair and hadn't driven since his accident, and my dad was a cop so he wasn't very trusting of, well, anyone. Jake and I made the best of it, becoming close friends. We didn't have a lot in common, but hanging out together was better than being alone, and, in the grand scheme of things, before the Cullen kids arrived in Forks, he was the closest thing to a sibling I had.

            When Emmett came to town, my dad made an effort to make him feel at home which, I realized later, was because he wanted to make sure that the Cullens hadn't taken in a criminal. Em and I spent a lot of time together in the first few months after he arrived. He was four years older than me, but my dad never let us do anything unchaperoned. Emmett was pretty depressed, and we all knew he just needed to be around people who cared about him at first.

            When Alice and Edward came to town there was a shift. Alice and I became inseparable since we were the same age, while Edward and Emmett, who were the same age, spent more time with each other. We spent a lot of time together as a group that first summer too—fishing, hiking and making forts. My parents were divorced and my dad worked a lot of strange hours. My friendship with the Cullen kids saved my dad from having to pay the lady next door to watch me, because I was always with Alice. Esme told my dad I was always welcome in their home. My mom wasn't around to help Charlie either; she lived in Florida with her baseball playing boyfriend. According to her, they didn't have time for me.

            The four of us together were an interesting sight. Alice and I both had light complexions and long dark hair, but that's where the similarities ended. Alice was thin and angular while I was soft and curvy. Edward and Emmett were also as psychically opposite and you could get. Em was, for lack of a better term, a gentle giant. He was bigger and taller than anyone his age with short dark hair, a kind soul and a ferocious loyalty to those he cared about. Edward was average height, but thin and gangly, with brown hair that turned copper in the sunlight. Alice's hair did something similar, but it was more obvious with Edward's shorter cut. Emmett was gregarious and friendly with everyone, which was surprising given his history, while Edward was guarded and thoughtful. Emmett was a great friend, and Alice was my best friend in the world, but Edward … he was something else. He was my kindred spirit, even though he didn't really see us that way.

            By the time school started in the fall, Alice had accepted that I was clumsy, but she refused to allow me to hide behind my shyness. She encouraged me to come out of my shell and though it took years, a decade even, to complete my transformation, I owed it all to Alice. As the years went by, the four of us drifted into two distinct groups. Boys against girls. Young against old. It was a part of growing up and growing apart, but somehow the pull I felt towards Edward never went away.

            When I was thirteen, my dad got promoted to Chief of Police. It meant that he worked even longer hours and was never home when I got out of school. Esme insisted that I go to their house, instead of going home to an empty house. Every afternoon that year, I waited in anticipation to see if Edward would come pick Alice and I up to drive us home from school so I could watch him from the backseat and breathe in his cologne.

            Alice and I observed everything as Edward and Emmett got older. We wanted to be just like them and were jealous of how late they got to stay out and the fun things they got to do. I spent so much time with the Cullens, I think for a while Edward and Emmett might even have believed that they had a sister named Bella, or Belly. They had no shame in front of Alice or I. They belched, farted, swore and even talked about girls that they wanted to go out with or 'do' in front of us. I thought they were so cool, and although I thought Emmett was cute, he was just too huge. And hairy. But Edward … he was the guy that I compared everyone else to. Could they make me laugh like him? Did they make me feel the way he did when he smiled at me? Did I dream about them? The other boys in Forks had nothing on him as far as I was concerned.

            Alice and I were in eighth grade the year that Edward and Emmett were seniors. I remember the first day of school that year. We rode in the back of Edward's Volvo in our new outfits, with our new back packs, ready to face the world. In reality, we weren't even changing buildings, but we were going to rule the school. At least that's what Alice kept telling me.

            We got out of the car and practically strutted into the building. We looked so much older than the tiny fifth graders who huddled around the stairs, terrified of their first day in the new building. Leave it to Edward to bring us back to reality.

            "Ali! Belly!" he called before pulling away. "Em and I have football tonight. Mom is picking you up."

            _Belly._ I cringed at the name. It had been cute for years; an endearment, even, but suddenly, I hated it.

            Later that year, I sat in the Cullen's living room watching TV with Alice, anxious to see Edward and Emmett come down stairs dressed for the senior prom. I wasn't supposed to have been there that night, but my dad had dropped me off on his way to an accident scene down by the reservation. Eventually, after Esme called up to them to tell them to hurry several times, Edward and Emmett came downstairs wearing tuxedos. They looked amazing as Carlisle snapped pictures of them, and Esme had tears in her eyes. Emmett wore a black tux with a red vest and tie. He carried a top hat and cane that made us all laugh. Edward was in a similar tux but with a green vest and tie that made his eyes even brighter. I felt butterflies in my stomach even before Edward winked at me. I could have convinced myself it was a moment, but I knew better, especially when he turned and did the same thing to Alice.

            The boys headed out in their cars, Edward in his Volvo and Em in his Hummer. They left with a quick wave to go pick up their dates. Their parents split up, Esme going to get pictures of Edward when he picked up Lauren Mallory, and Carlisle followed Emmett to Bree Tanner's house. Both girls were seniors, and bitches, if you asked me.

            When they left, Alice and I began chattering like crazy about what we would wear to our prom and who we would go with. I had a hard time coming up with a name, but Alice understood. She knew that I would pick Edward if I could, but we both knew it wasn't likely he'd ever be my date for anything; I was just another sister to him.

            Thanks to Alice, by the time we got to high school I wasn't the nervous, shy girl I'd been in grade school. Although, I still wasn't as popular as she was. Alice was a cheerleader while I was on the debate team. Alice had a serious boyfriend, well, as serious as it could be when neither she of them could drive, and I had never even been kissed. Her boyfriend was Mike Newton, and his parents owned an outdoor adventure store called Newton's Outfitters. He was kind of a dork, but he thought the sun rose and set with Alice, so I couldn't really fault her for dating him.

            I eventually dated a little in high school, and I even had an off and on boyfriend named Eric Yorkie. He was a year older and had gone off to college in California when he graduated, so he wasn't an option for prom. When it came down to it, I ended up asking Jacob to go with me. He knew it was just as friends, but he was still excited because it gave him a chance to flirt with girls who didn't live on the reservation. I had to pay for half his tux out of the money I'd saved working at Newton's, but at least I had a date. Alice was going to prom with Mike, who by that time drove an Explorer with Newton Outfitter's stencilled on the side. It was a laughable sight, but since Alice was my best friend, I enjoyed many a Friday night tagging along with them to Port Angeles in that Ford, so I didn't dare tease him and lose that privilege.

            My dad gave me $150 dollars for my dress, but the one Alice swore I had to have cost way more than that. Alice being Alice, she convinced her mother to pay the difference. I don't think it took much convincing really, since Esme had mentioned several times that Charlie had no understanding of women's fashion and the cost of beauty.

            I got ready at Alice's, there had really been no question about that. She did my hair and make up; it always looked better when she did it for me. We both wore pink dresses, but as usual with us, they were nothing alike. Mine was a full length, strapless, fuchsia gown with beads and rhinestones covering my assets. Alice had left my hair down and loaned me earrings and a necklace to complete the look.

            Her dress was a hot pink, skin tight number. It was short and sexy, with a pleated, strapless top that had a band of rhinestones running right under her breasts. She had cut her long hair off in middle school and wore it in a spiked style. By the time we reached high school it had become her trademark. For prom, she had accentuated it with small streaks of pink and rhinestones that seemed to be magically attached to her hair. Looking in the mirror together, I thought she looked beautiful, but I hardly recognized myself. She had taken my ordinary looks and transformed me into someone like her. I wasn't sure if I wanted to get a million pictures of myself looking like that or to destroy every picture taken that night, so I wouldn't be reminded of how good I could look with Alice's help.

            Charlie came over to the Cullen's to wait for Jake to pick me up. Billy was dropping Jake off, and we were riding with Alice and Mike to the Olympic Lodge in Port Angeles. It was a hotel with a sort of rustic theme, and it was one of the few places within the budget of the junior class. The prom committee had chosen the theme "Endless Love." There was a little waterfall out the front of the Lodge that we could take pictures with and it had every likelihood of being totally cheesy, but Alice insisted that was part of the fun.

            We had been getting ready for what seemed like hours, when Esme knocked on the door to tell us that the boys had arrived. She grinned and snapped a couple of pictures of us before she went downstairs to get even more pictures of our big reveal.

            Coming down the stairs behind Alice, I lifted my dress and kept my eyes on my feet. I didn't need to break my ankle before we left the house. I glanced at the group waiting below and faltered for a second, grabbing the railing. No one was surprised by my bobble, but Alice was the only one who really understood.

            Standing at the bottom of the stairs, along with our parents and our dates, was her brother, Edward. He had a back pack on his shoulder and was holding a laundry basket of dirty clothes. In an instant, I took in everything about him. His flip flops and board shorts. The tank top that showed off his shoulders and arms. His hair that was always mussed and looked like he'd scrubbed it with a towel. Then I focused on his face, with his sparkling green eyes and mischievous grin.

            I tore my eyes away and looked at my feet again as I tried to even out my breathing. I managed to make it to the bottom of the stairs without falling. When I looked up again he was gone, and I wondered for a second if he'd really been there at all, until I heard the washing machine in the hall closet begin to fill with water.

            "You look so beautiful girls!"

            "Wow, Bells. You look different."

            "Alice, you look great."

            "Bells, that cost more than $150. Didn't it?"

            "You clean up good, Black."

            "Oh, Mikey. My corsage is perfect!"

            "Everyone get together for pictures."

            "Now just you two, Bella and Jake."

            "Alice and Mike next."

            The voices all swirled around me and I began feeling overwhelmed, or maybe it was because the only voice I didn't hear was the one I was desperate for.

            When he did finally speak, it was like a slap to the face.

            "Ali, Belly! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

            It was worse than opening the door the previous Christmas Eve to the beautiful girl who had come to visit him.

            " _Hi, are you Alice? I'm Kate, Edward's girlfriend!"_

            " _No," I had stuttered, taking in her long, straight blonde hair and her flawless skin. "I'm Bella."_

            " _Oh. Is this the Cullen's?"_

            _By then, Esme had come out of the kitchen to greet the girl. I stepped out of the way and stood there watching them in some kind of suspended animation. I couldn't believe that Edward had a girlfriend. One that didn't even know who I was. Esme began introductions because Edward was out running._

            _Then Kate said, "Isa-bella? Oh yeah." She giggled. "I didn't realize Bella and Isabella were the same person."_

            _In that moment, even though my heart was a little broken by her mere presence and status in Edward's life, I knew I didn't need to worry about them being together for very long. As Charlie would say, she was as smart as bait._

            I couldn't believe that even as I came down the stairs in a figure accentuating fuchsia prom dress with rhinestone encrusted breasts, Edward still saw only saw me as Belly. A little girl. Definitely not the woman I hoped I was becoming.

            I was used to disappointment where Edward was concerned. He was unattainable, and I was well aware of that. My heart just hadn't gotten the message. Deciding that I wouldn't let him ruin the night for me, I made the best of prom, smiling for pictures and laughing at everyone's jokes. It was a fun night and a great way to celebrate leaving high school.

            The next fall, Alice and I went to the University of Washington in Seattle. We lived in the dorms, but we spent a lot of time with Emmett at his house. He and Edward had lived together off campus for a couple of years before Edward left for medical school at Duke. Emmett was staying on in the medical program at U-dub, as us locals called it. He'd been dating Rosalie Hale since his sophomore year, and the two of them had already established that they were Seattleites, through and through.

            The night before we all headed home for Christmas, Emmett and his new roommate, Tyler Crowley, threw a party. It was crowded and loud, but almost everyone there knew that Alice and I were both considered Emmett's sisters, so they knew not to mess with us. I left Alice talking to Rose about the latest fashion trends for spring in search of more beer. Rose and I were going to need it if Alice was going to keep talking about _clean lines and retro-chic_.

            The keg of beer was in one of those big plastic tubs on the back porch. I made my way through the house, saying hello to a few of the guys' friends as well as some of our my floor-mates from the dorms. They totally loved that we had a brother who liked to party. Even if he was officially in medical school, Emmett still partied fairly hard and managed to keep a 4.0 grade point average. I had no idea how he did it.

            I stepped out onto the deck and grabbed the tap. My dad taught me to pour beer from a keg when I was about twelve, so I could bring him refills. Jacob's father liked to have fish fries on the weekends, and he and my dad's friends drank a lot of beer, so I was sort of a master at the keg. I tilted my cup and watched the flow to see if I needed to give it a pump. My cup was about halfway full when it was suddenly yanked away from me. Beer sloshed onto my hand and someone was yelling in my ear.

            "What the fuck are you doing?"

            "Edward?"

            "I say again, Isabella, what the fuck are you doing? Where is Emmett?" He pinched the bridge of his nose and looked around frantically. There were a couple of people out in the back yard, probably smoking pot, who were looking at us, trying to figure out what was going on.

            "Um. I think Em's in the house, I was just getting beer for me and Rose." My brain never worked well around him, and I was blown away that he was standing there berating me, so naturally I'd said the first thing that came to mind.

            "You're getting beer for you and Rose?" he moaned. He looked at me hard, and his eyes got even wider. "Christ. What are you wearing?"

            "I don't know." I looked down at the v-neck sweater and straight-leg jeans that Alice had set on the bed for me. "Something your sister picked out," I muttered, embarrassed that he didn't like it and still trying to process that he was really standing right there in front of me.

            He looked sick at the mention of his sister. "Oh my God. Where is Alice?"

            "Talking to Rose," I said quietly, not wanting to upset him any further.

            What was he doing there? Where the fuck was Emmett? Thank God he'd called me Isabella and not Belly this time. He shot me an angry look and turned his back on me, going into the house, taking my cup with him. I quickly filled Rose's cup with beer, then followed him, listening for his voice. Not surprisingly, he was yelling at Emmett.

            "What the fuck are they doing here? They're underage, Em. This is so fucking wrong. I can't believe you're letting them drink." He stood there, breathing heavily, looking hot as hell to me, with his hand buried in his hair, pulling at it a little.

            "Edward." It came out of my mouth as a whisper. I couldn't stand to see him that upset over something that I'd done. I felt awful. Was he angry with me?

            "Dude, Edward. Relax," Emmett's loud voice boomed, even though he was unfazed by his brother's outrage. "You need to stop and think. They were going to go out and party. They did it in high school. Where did you want them to do it here in Seattle? At a frat house … with strangers? You want them to get fake IDs and go to the bar? Somewhere that no one would be looking out for them?" He paused and shook his head. "Every single guy here knows that those are my sisters, and I will fuck them up if they look at them funny. The girls know if either of them has had too much to drink to come find me, which hasn't happened. They're good girls, Edward. And they're growing up."

            "Jesus. Stop being such a tool," Rose muttered.

            Em gave her a dirty look. "Listen," he lowered his voice, "I'm not buying alcohol for them or their friends. This is it. I know you probably don't get it, but I'm trying to look out for them."

            Alice had come to stand by my side, her eyes wide. She squeezed my hand, and we waited as the brothers stared at each other until finally, Edward huffed and took his hand out of his hair.

            "Jackass," he said under his breath. "I'm not convinced, but the damage is done."

            He shook his head at Emmett, and the argument seemed to be over. The party seemed to collectively sigh in relief, and everyone went back to drinking and talking. Edward crumpled my plastic cup and looked around the room as if seeing the party for the first time.

            His eyes found mine, as I nervously drank the beer in my hand, forgetting that it had been for Rose. His jaw clenched, and he muttered something under his breath before storming off down the hall towards Emmett's room.

            "Fuck me. That was intense," Tyler said from behind me. In less then a breath his mood changed, and he yelled, "Who wants tequila?"

            It had been a while since we'd done shots, but Tyler was exactly right. That was intense. I knew the tequila would be strong, but so were the feelings bombarding me. I figured it was better to not think about any of it.

            "I'm in," I called, following him to the kitchen where he began cutting up a lemon from a bowl on the counter. Alice and Rose were right behind me.

            "Oh, tequila," Alice giggled.

            "Be careful, Bell," Rose warned. She leaned closer and spoke so that only I could hear, "Don't prove him right."

            I turned and looked at her, surprised by her words. Rose was nice, and she'd become the older sister neither Alice or I had ever had, but this was different; she hadn't warned Alice. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I nodded as if I understood.

            She smiled sadly and put a hand on my elbow. "Someday, four years won't mean anything."

            "What?" I whispered. Alice was flitting around the kitchen helping Tyler find shot glasses and salt shakers.

            "Someday your age won't matter, and he'll see you for who you are. Don't let him make you think less of yourself."

            I scrunched my eyes and the confusion I felt had to have been clear on my face. The look she gave me told me everything. I sighed. "How did you know? I thought Alice was the only one who knew, and I told her when we were like eight."

            Rose laughed. "It's not that obvious. I think only those of us that know you _and_ Edward can see it." She shrugged. "I've known you long enough to notice little things. The way you pay more attention when people talk about him, how his opinion holds the most weight with you. How you looked like he'd crushed you when he reacted to seeing you drink that beer, which I think was mine by the way."

            "Oh, yeah, sorry."

            I tried to give her the cup and she laughed, holding up her hand. "It's yours now."

            Emmett joined us in the kitchen, grabbing said cup from my hand, finishing it in one long gulp.

            "Edward is sorry, girls. He spent all day traveling after pulling an all-nighter studying, and his panties were all bunched up before he ever saw Bells working the keg."

            Alice came over and put an arm around her brother. "I know he's stressed out. He'll be fine in the morning."

            She was so tiny next to him. I mean, she was small in general, but next to Emmett she looked like he could squash her with his bare hands, especially with Rose on his other side. Rose was tall and thin with long blonde hair and both intelligence and wit to spare. She pursed her lips, still apparently thinking about Edward.

            "Such a dick."

            "Seriously, he needs to get laid." Em rolled his eyes, then he seemed to realize what was going on in the kitchen and grinned. "Cuervo?"

            "Pouring you one now, big guy!" Tyler laughed.

            We lined up at the bar and got set up with salt and lemon slices, Tyler gave a toast in Spanish, "Salud. Dinero y amor."

            "Dinero y amor," we echoed, laughing, before we licked, slammed and sucked.

            The first round of shots should have been enough. The second was because I felt invincible, and the third was because I didn't want to lie awake all night thinking of Edward. The good news was that it worked. The bad news was that I slept in the bathtub because I thought I was going to throw up. I think it would have been better if I had.

            Morning came way too early, and Rose drove Alice and I back to the dorm to shower and get our things. We rode to Forks with her, while Edward and Emmett rode together. Rose dropped me at my house, and our winter vacation flew by. Somehow, the only time I saw Edward was at the annual Christmas Eve dinner with his family. After that, we all returned to Seattle and he flew on to North Carolina.

            When we got back to school, I realized that something had to change. I had to stop waiting for Edward to notice me and move on with my life. I took deep breath and asked Alice to set me up on a date.


	2. With a Little Help from my Friends

            There is a reason why blind dates have the name they do - you go in blindly, not knowing who you'll be meeting. Unfortunately, sometimes you also leave those dates wishing you were blind - that you hadn't been witness to the train wreck that had been your personal hell, or the blind date, as it were. Alice had a pretty good record as a matchmaker, but she had completely failed me.

            The first guy she set me up with was Peter, an engineering major from California. He lived in our dorm but on another floor. What Alice didn't know, was that he was a comic book collector. As in, he spent every extra penny he had on them. Now don't get me wrong, I can appreciate someone having a hobby or a passion for something, but he acted all weird at dinner. Getting him to talk about anything was like pulling teeth.

            When Peter finally opened up, he explained that taking me out to dinner was severely cutting into his comic book fund. Apparently, there was a major release coming up and he didn't want to spend too much on our date. That explained the panicked look on his face when I ordered the baked chicken dish and why he only ordered water and salad. The kicker of the night was when I offered to pay for half...he not only readily accepted, he followed up by asking if I could cover the tip as well. I had several tips I wanted to give him. Instead, I managed to smile and nod without saying anything too awful.

            A month later, Alice set me up with Garrett, an education major in her literature class who also worked at her favorite coffee shop. She swore was perfect for me. He was two years older than us, originally from Seattle and was a very tall, thin, long-haired hippy type. According to her, he was into music and had a great sense of humor. In short, he had major potential.

            We met for dinner, and he didn't disappoint. When I got over the initial shock that he, in fact, could be perfect for me, he told me about his plan to hike the Appalachian Trail with his brother. It sounded like an amazing adventure, though one that I could never take myself without risking falling off a mountain. Then, as we talked, I discovered what Alice had missed. This trip he was talking about wasn't years down the road or after he graduated. Garrett, the slightly granola, yet intelligent and cute guy, was taking a year off from school and leaving for his walkabout the following week.

            After dinner, we went for a long walk around campus, talking easily. It was wonderful and sad at the same time. He left me at the steps to the dorm with a peck on the cheek and a promise to call when he came back to Seattle. I was wholly discouraged. We could have had something. There had been an undeniable connection, but in a year, would it be the same? Would he find me? Would he even look? I made my way back to our room and sadly told Alice everything. She fixed me hot cocoa and made me promise to let her try one more time. I didn't want to, but you couldn't really say no to Alice, so grudgingly, I told her to take her time and choose wisely.

            The weekend after we got back to school from spending Spring Break in Forks, Alice introduced me to James from her Intro to Business Studies class. He was charming, attractive, wealthy - even compared to the Cullens - and, according to Alice, he was tired of meeting girls who wanted to play the field. He told her that he wanted a girlfriend, which scared me a little bit, but it was a big improvement from most other guys I'd met who just wanted to date around. We met for coffee, because no matter how charming he sounded, I didn't want to lock myself into an entire evening with anyone.

            James was all that Alice had promised. However, it turned out he had a strong personality. He ordered the barista around a little more rudely than I would have, but other than that we got along well. He had read some of my favorite books, and we easily talked about those. He enjoyed hiking and rafting, and though I had little experience, I knew a lot about it from working at Newtons. He'd spent some time in the Olympic National Forest, so he was familiar with the area I grew up in. We talked about the differences between that area and Seattle, it was nice to joke with someone from the city that seemed to understand we weren't all backwater hicks.

            We'd been there for almost three hours when he said he had to get going. When he stood to leave, he invited me to dinner the next night. Despite the fact that there was something about him that made me uneasy, I agreed. It was like he was trying too hard to make me feel comfortable. I just couldn't put my finger on it, and I certainly wouldn't be able to explain it to Alice.

            So, at 7 p.m. the next night, I found myself waiting for James to pick me up. I was wearing a little black dress that Alice had forced me to buy and a pair of Rosalie's very expensive, and very tall, heels. Alice had already gone out with Mike. They were taking advantage of one of the few weekends he actually stayed in Seattle. He went home almost every weekend to help out at the store; his dad was grooming him to take over, that was for sure.

            If anything, I should have seen it as a sign when James phoned me from the parking lot, letting me know he was there to pick me up. Silly me, I try to see the good in everyone and just took it as him wanting to be on time for our reservation.

            He took me to an Italian place I hadn't been to yet because it was a little out of my price range. Right off the bat, he was rude to the waitress again and proceeded to tell me what he thought I should order for dinner. It wasn't so much as a kind suggestion, but a condescending remark on the fact that I wasn't familiar with the menu. I ordered lasagna, much to his chagrin, like lasagna wasn't good enough for him. He ordered some Madeira roasted chicken which sounded good, but wasn't at all what I was in the mood for. I tried to brush it off, a little shocked that he was the same man I had spent several hours with the day before, but I had a sinking feeling.

            In the end, the lasagna was the best part of the meal. The conversation never really got going and when it did, he didn't seem to listen to anything I said. He looked past me to the other patrons in the restaurant with a sort of vacant look on his face. When our meal was finished, I was sure the evening was over. He did not seem to be into me, and for the most part, I didn't care. He was coming off as an asshole and a completely different guy from our coffee talk. Oddly though, he was still trying to be a gentleman, pulling out my chair and opening the door as we left the restaurant.

            He led me into the car, looking down at me with a grin that turned my stomach. I was glad that there would be someone at the front door of the dorms and hoped that I could say goodbye to him in the parking lot. This night was not going at all as I imagined, and then it got worse. He pulled into traffic, then after a few minutes he turned the wrong direction.

            "James, the dorms are back that way." It wasn't like he didn't know; his apartment complex wasn't far from my building.

            "I know, I wanted to get out of the city and show you the stars."

            Oh, no. Oh, hell no. I tried to play it cool and forced a smile. "I'm from Forks. I've seen more than enough stars in my day. I'd just like to go home, thanks."

            "Oh, come now, just for a minute?"

            "I don't really think so. I'd like you to take me home."

            My nervousness turned to anger when he didn't seem to be making any effort to head back in the right direction. What James failed to realize, was that I'm a cop's daughter. All of the lectures Charlie had given me about safety and the lessons from self-defence classes he'd insisted I take, came rushing back. Casually looking for the lock mechanism while he spoke, I slid my arm through the strap of my purse and took a couple of steadying breaths.

            We pulled up to a stop light and I moved fast, unhooking my seatbelt with one hand and hitting the unlock button with the other. As soon as the seatbelt clicked, I grabbed the door handle and had my feet out the door before my arm was out of the seatbelt.

            He must have slammed the car in to park, because he jumped out and started yelling at me to get back in. I ignored him and kept walking, moving as fast as I could in Rose's heels, towards a diner we'd passed a half a block back. I went straight in and sat at the counter in plain sight of all three customers in the place. A waitress was standing at the far end of the bar talking to a man with a cup of coffee and a plate of pancakes. She looked over and smiled, a hint of concern on her face.

            "You okay, honey?"

            I looked over my shoulder, but James appeared to be gone. "Fine, thanks. I'm just going to wait here for a ride." My heart was still pounding and I didn't want to think about what might have happened if I hadn't gotten out of his car. What the hell did he have planned?

            "That's fine. You need something to drink? Some pie?"

            "I would love a Diet Coke."

            "Sure."

            She turned and got me the soda while I pulled my cell phone out and prepared to bitch Alice out. Her radar, or whatever she used to match people up, was so far off I couldn't believe it.

            I dialed her number and it went straight to voice mail. "Alice, call me as soon as you get this. I need a ride."

            I thought about calling Mike, but they were together, so his phone was probably off or on vibrate as well. I sighed and called my back up plan. He was going to be pissed, but he had sworn to help me in any situation, especially one like this, without any questions. A gruff voice answered on the second ring, and I started with my apology.

            "Em, I'm so sorry. I hate to do this to you, but my date was an asshole. I need a ride." It was quiet for far too long. "Shit," I muttered. "Em? "

            "Bella?"

            My breath caught. It couldn't be. "Edward?"

            "Yes. What the hell happened? Where are you?"

            "Ummm ... I'm at a diner; where's Emmett?"

            "In the bathroom. Are you okay?"

            Ugh. Now I was flustered for a totally different reason. "Um. Yeah. My date was an asshole. Emmett said if I ever needed him...What are you doing there?"

            "I'm on spring break," he said quickly, then sighed into the phone. "Bells, we'll be right there. I'm just...How the hell do you get yourself in these situations?"

            "I don't know," I whispered. Everything seemed to come crashing down on me, and I felt my eyes fill with tears.

            Somehow he knew and his voice was much quieter, "Don't cry. Tell me where you are."

            "I'm at a diner," I said stupidly, realizing I'd already told him that. I was so flustered from talking to him and running from James, I could hardly think.

            "A diner, where?" he coaxed.

            I gave him the address off the menu and heard him cursing on the other end of the phone that it wasn't a great part of town.

            "Hang on," he said, and then his voice sounded distant as he relayed to Emmett what I'd told him.

            "Mother fucker, I'll kill him," Emmett yelled. Oddly, that made me smile, but it also scared me.

            "Emmett said he wouldn't ask questions," I practically whispered. "He said he wouldn't be mad."

            "Shit. He's not angry with you, Bella. Emmett, shut up, you're making her cry."

            "I'm not crying." Well, I was trying not to.

            "We're on our way." I heard car doors slam and the engine turn over. "Stay on the phone with me?"

            "I'm sitting inside a restaurant with other people, Edward. I'm fine."

            "You're not fine. Shit. Don't go anywhere. Seriously, don't go to the bathroom or anything. Stay there where people can see you."

            "Okay. I'm won't move."

            "You're sure you won't stay on the phone?"

            "You'll be here soon, right? So I'm hanging up."

            "Bella," he said sounding - I don't know how he sounded, maybe it was sad? Disappointed? I couldn't figure out how I was feeling and Edward was confusing me even more. "We'll be right there."

            "Okay."

            We disconnected and I put my head in my hands. How _did_ I manage to get myself into these crappy situations? Everything had been fine, and then suddenly, it just wasn't.

            "You sure you're alright?" The waitress was standing in front of me, refilling the Diet Coke that I had guzzled.

            "Yeah, my friends are coming to get me."

            "Rough night?" she asked, tidying a stack of menus.

            "You could say that."

            The waitress smiled and nodded, sensing that I didn't want to talk about it. "Let me know if you need anything."

            "Thanks."

            What I needed was to crawl into a hole and hide. I needed Edward not to be coming to pick me up. I needed Alice to call me back so I could find her and kill her. Since none of those things were happening, I decided to text Alice a cryptic message that her brothers were coming to get me. I knew it would scare the hell out of her, because she knew I was supposed to be on my date with James.

            About twenty minutes later, Emmett and Edward came rushing into the diner.

            "Are you okay?" Emmett started, seeming frantic as he scanned the diner. He found the waitress and turned towards her, speaking in his normal, booming voice, "Is she okay? What happened to her?"

            She looked at us in confusion, but he didn't wait for her answer, just pulled me into his giant bear arms and hugged me. Edward stood back a little, watching us, and I was fairly mortified that he was a part of this disaster.

            "I'm fine." I pushed Emmett back. "I had a shitty date, so I bailed."

            "Good girl." Emmett was nodding.

            "What do you mean you bailed?" Edward's head was cocked and he had a strange look on his face.

            "Um. I don't know. He was acting weird and I was uncomfortable, so I got out at a red light and ran back here."

            His eyes closed and his jaw clenched. "You bailed," he said quietly.

            "Yes." I watched him for a second as he took slow breaths, but Emmett spoke before he said anything else.

            "Good job, Bella. You did the right thing."

            Edward threw some money on the counter, certainly too much for the Diet Coke I'd had, and we headed for the car. I sat quietly in the back of Emmett's Hummer as we headed home. He loved the giant thing, said it was the only vehicle that didn't make him look like a Big Foot, and he was kind of right.

            My cell phone rang, bringing me out of my wandering thoughts. Alice. Finally.

            "Hey. I'm all right. I'm with your brothers," I said before she could unleash her panic.

            "Ohmygod, B. I just got your message and then your text! What the hell happened?"

            "I'm not really sure. James was like a different person tonight. He was totally arrogant and full of himself." I tried to talk quietly to tell her the rest. "Then when we were driving home, he turned the wrong way and said he wanted to take me out of the city to see the stars. When I said no he didn't turn around..."

            "Give me the phone."

            I looked up to see Edward turned around in his seat looking at me, his hand extended. He was pissed.

            "Alice, Edward wants to talk to you."

            I handed the phone to him and listened to him tear Alice a new asshole for having her phone turned off when I was on a date with a 'strange man.' He apparently didn't like my outfit either, because he growled, "And don't think I don't know who's responsible for the dress." He told her to meet us at Emmett's and disconnected the call before handing me back my phone.

            Emmett said something to Edward that I couldn't really hear, but I thought it was, "Who's making her cry now, asshole?"

            I sighed and turned to look out the window. I just wanted to go home. I hated that the situation had become such a big deal. All I wanted was a ride. I felt like I'd handled everything pretty well on my own, but Edward wasn't acting like it. A few minutes later we pulled into the driveway and trudged into Emmett's house. Rose pulled me into her arms for a hug and I knew she understood. I was pretty sure every woman had gone out with at least one guy that turned out to be a creep.

            "Why don't you head to the bathroom and freshen up?" she asked quietly.

            God, I loved her. She knew I needed a minute to myself before they had me repeat the story for Alice. I nodded and went down the hallway, passing Tyler, who just raised an eyebrow at me as I went by.

            I went to the bathroom and washed my hands, looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes were a little red but my hair and make-up were fine. I didn't see what was wrong with my outfit. The black dress looked nice. It fit well and went almost to my knees. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub behind me, staring into the mirror, but not really seeing myself anymore. What had James seen that made him think he could take advantage of me? What had Edward seen that he disliked so much? I just didn't get it.

            There was a knock on the door and I figured it was Rose or Alice, so I told them to come in. When the door opened, it wasn't either of them. It was Edward. I sat there, looking up at him, not sure what to say, as he closed the door behind him. He squatted in front of me, brushing some hair behind my ear.

            "Are you okay?"

            I nodded.

            "Jesus. You scared me."

            My eyes got wide, surprised that he would say that. It wasn't the emotion that I'd read from him at all. "I don't understand," I muttered.

            "What?"

            I shook my head. "I don't understand. I don't know why you're so mad at me. Didn't I do the right thing? Should I have just let him keep driving?"

            "No, God, no. You did the right thing. I just can't even think about something happening to you or Alice." He reached forward and cupped my cheek and I think I stopped breathing. "There are some awful people out there and I was imagining some of the things that could have happened to you."

            "So was I."

            He sighed and sat back against a cabinet. He rubbed his forehead before looking up at me again. He didn't say anything and I didn't know what he was thinking. It was honestly the most time that Edward and I had spent alone together in years.

            "I'm sorry you had to come get me," I said quietly. "And I'm sorry I ruined your night."

            "Stop. You didn't ruin my night," he paused, sounding frustrated. He sighed before he continued, "Isabella, I will always come and get you. Okay?"

            I nodded, unsure of what to say to that. We looked at each other for a few more seconds, me biting my lip and Edward watching me with a look I couldn't understand. Before either of us spoke again, Alice called for me through the door.

            "Bells, are you in there?"

            She didn't wait for an answer and pushed to door open, rushing in to hug me. There wasn't a lot of room in the bathroom, but somehow Edward managed to slip out while Alice was crushing me against her tiny body.

            Eventually, she led me back to the living room where I retold the story for her, Mike, Tyler and Rose, just as I thought I would have to. Alice and Rose couldn't believe how awful James had been or that he'd somehow gone Jeckyll and Hyde on me. Tyler and Mike were impressed with my plan of escape, while Emmett acted like a proud father because he'd always told me, if I was in a bad situation 'just get out of there and call him.'

            Edward hadn't said much of anything since we'd come out of the bathroom. When I left with Alice and Mike, he hugged me like he'd done million times, but this time he murmured, "Take care of yourself, Belly."

            I walked to the car thinking about everything that had happened that night and why, in that moment, Edward calling me Belly, which usually made me cringe, meant the world to me.


	3. Oh, Danny Boy

            The rest of the spring flew by in a haze of exams. Then it was summer and I worked long hours with Mike over at Newton's. In my spare time I hung with Alice, when she wasn't with Mike. Edward and Emmett were taking summer courses, so they stayed at school.

            Emmett and Rose made it up for a few weekends, but Edward was only in Forks over the Fourth of July weekend. I was working overtime at Newton's and was sad that I missed seeing him. I only saw him in passing when I went to the fireworks with Alice and a group of our friends. I knew that if I saw anymore of him, it would probably just depress me. Edward only seemed to get better with time, or maybe that was my sick obsession talking.

            When we went back to school in the fall, Alice and I moved into an apartment. I got a job at a bookstore and Alice started planning for a semester abroad. It was a Cullen thing, they had all done it. Carlisle and Esme had both gone to England; Edward had spent a semester in France while Emmett had gone to Germany. When Alice started working on her application, she encouraged me to apply as well. I figured it couldn't hurt. Charlie told me he couldn't afford more than my regular tuition, but he'd make it work if I got a scholarship to cover the rest.

            In the end, I'm pretty sure the scholarship that I actually received was a private donation from one, Carlisle Cullen. But no one was talking. They knew better than to ever let me or Charlie find out for sure, otherwise I'd have been washing their dishes and cleaning their silver to pay it back.

            At any rate, the registrar informed me that not only had I won a scholarship, but I had been awarded my first choice of programs and was going to Ireland. Alice couldn't understand why I didn't want to go somewhere warmer. I raised an eyebrow and asked her if she'd _ever_ seen me with a tan.

            So I picked up extra hours throughout the fall and studied my travel guide of Ireland, preparing for the adventure of a lifetime. Alice was going to Barcelona, Spain, for an International Business program. It would be the longest that we had been apart since elementary school, and we were both feeling a strange mixture of excitement and fear about our trips. We knew it would be fine, but also that we'd be spending a fair amount of Skyping and messaging to keep in touch.

            I talked with Esme on the phone a few times, asking what I should pack and what wouldn't make me look American. Alice had tried to be helpful, but her answers to everything was, "Black heels and Prada. You can't go wrong." Somehow, I felt the need for a second, more sane, opinion.

            Emmett lectured us on safety and made us practice self-defense moves. Rose told us to have fun and Carlisle told us to call if we needed anything at any time. My dad sent me a pre-paid Visa card with an extra $200 that I hadn't expected. Before I knew it, I was getting on a plane, with a group of students from across the United States, heading for Paris, then Dublin,.

            I was exhausted when we finally made it to the hotel. We weren't staying in a dormitory because our group would travel to a new city every ten days. It turned out that I was rooming with a girl named Makenna from the University of Chicago. She was nice and reminded me a little of Rose. She was very up front about planning to hook up with some Irish guys during our trip, but assured me she wouldn't bring them back to the room. It was kind of an eyeopening first meeting, but I had to appreciate her honesty.

            The seminar we were were going to take was called Race, Religion and Conflict in Northern Ireland. We had a weekend to acclimate ourselves with Dublin, and Ireland as it was, before classes started on Monday. The first night there, we attended a mixer intended to help us get to know the other Americans on the trip as well as some local students who would serve as our tour guides and cultural liaison's. We started at a restaurant with a sampling of Irish favorites and a lot of Guinness and Smithwick's beer. Eventually, we made our way through several pubs in the Temple Bar district of Dublin.

            Makenna and I had made friends with the girls rooming across the hall from us and we spent most of the evening with them. It was fun, chatting and eyeing some of the guys on our trip - as well as the Irish lad's who seemed ten times cuter than they probably were because of their lilting Irish accents. I remember warning Makenna that we were seeing things through Irish beer goggles, which I told her were stronger than American beer goggles. After that, things got hazy.

            The next morning there was a loud knocking on the door. Maybe it wasn't that loud, but it sounded like someone was beating a drum in my head. I had no idea how we'd made it back to the hotel and began trying to piece the night together in my head.

            Makenna stumbled to the door and yanked it open. "What?" she rasped out.

            "Coffee?" a deep voice said.

            I couldn't really see who was out there from where I was, but it was obviously a guy. I quickly pulled on the sweat pants I'd taken off, or never put on, I wasn't sure, that were on the floor by my bed. I pulled my hair into a ponytail while I glanced at the clock and saw it was already 10 a.m.

            "Sure," she said slowly, "but why?"

            "Because I walked you back here last night, and I know you need it." He chuckled. "Morning, Bella," he called. He had somehow gotten past Makenna and was walking towards me grinning and holding out a cup of coffee that my mouth was watering for.

            "Um, hi," I managed, reaching for the coffee with one hand and absently scratching my head with the other, wracking my brain for his name or some recollection of him. He'd been at another table during dinner, but that was about all I could come up with.

            "Riley Biers, from Notre Dame," he said quietly before going to sit down in the desk chair and sipping his own coffee. "You don't remember, do you?"

            "Ummm." I glanced at Makenna, who had climbed back onto her bed and was sitting against the headboard drinking coffee with her eyes closed. I thought she might have been asleep again. "Not really," I said with uncertainty, even though I was certain I didn't.

            "I figured." He laughed and pulled a yeast roll out of a paper bag that he'd carried in with him before holding the bag out to me. "You two were tanked last night; so was my roommate, Collin. He's dead to the world still."

            I grabbed a roll from the bag and carefully picked it into small pieces, eating slowly. I kept my eyes down, but asked, "Did I do anything stupid last night?"

            He laughed and it kind of hurt my head. "You got so drunk you don't remember, so I'd say, yeah, but other than that, no."

            I nodded but didn't look up, really kind of mortified at the whole situation. I couldn't believe I'd been dumb enough to get that drunk, let alone in a strange city. Before Riley arrived, I would have been able to rationalize the night away and pretend it hadn't happened. His mere presence ruined that plan, making me feel a little guilty about my irresponsibility.

            There was a snore from the other bed and I looked over to see Makenna's head fall to the side. I grabbed her coffee and put it on the night stand. Shaking my head, I moved to sit in the wing chair in the corner without really looking over at Riley.

            "Bella," he said quietly, "I wasn't going to let anything happen to you girls. There were a few of us there that were pretty sober, we were watching out for the other Americans."

            I nodded again, finally looking up at him. He was cute, really cute. He had blond hair and a muscular body. He looked like a swimmer with long arms and legs, and he had a big hand around his coffee.

            "I'm not like that," I said quietly, "I don't usually...God, Emmett would kick my ass."

            He smirked. "Boyfriend?"

            "No," I laughed, "my brother, sort of."

            "Ah. Well, those are good to have." His smile kind of put me at ease as he continued, "So, although you don't remember, you agreed to lunch and a walk with me today. How do you feel about that in the harsh light of day?"

            I swallowed some roll and gave him a small smile. "Do you know your way around the city?"

            "No, but I'm good with directions. I figure if we can't read a map we'll just grab a pint and ask for directions."

            I groaned at the mention of beer.

            "Okay, well, maybe I'll grab a pint and you can have some tea," he chuckled.

            His eyes lit up when he smiled and his laugh made me want to smile, too. Bringing the coffee had been pretty sweet as well. "All right, let me shower and check my email, then we can go."

            "Great," he said, grinning. He sat forward and grabbed the empty paper bag off the end of the bed, wadding it up and shooting it into the waste basket like a free throw. He laughed and waggled his eyebrows at me when he made the shot. "Meet you in the lobby in say, an hour?"

            "Yeah, that sounds good." We both stood and I walked him towards the door. "Thanks, Riley, for taking care of us last night and, I guess, this morning too."

            "No problem, Bella. I'll see you in a little while."

            In that first week in Ireland, I fell head over heels for him. As it turned out, I didn't need to worry about Makenna sleeping with half of the population of Ireland, either. While I was busy getting to know Riley, she was falling love with his roommate, Collin. When our group moved on to Gallway, I slept with my head on Riley's shoulder during the long bus ride. Halfway through our week there, Collin and I switched rooms after we decided it was ridiculous to pretend we weren't couples.

            The trip was amazing and not just what we learned in the classrooms. We managed to learn Irish slang and common courtesies. If someone said, 'Top of the morning to ye,' you should reply with, 'and the rest of the day to you.' Well really, it was supposed to be 'to yerself,' but that just sounded wrong coming out of my mouth. I also quickly realized that _crack_ meant something totally different in Ireland. A waitress laughed and explained to us that people were really saying _craic_ , which basically meant anything fun - not a kind of cocaine. I was thoroughly enjoying seeing the world from a different perspective and truly beginning to appreciate what we had as Americans, as well as question some of our expectations and beliefs. I fully understood why Carlisle had told me that everyone should travel abroad at least once in their life.

            By the end of our six weeks, I felt like I had been embraced by long lost family and found my second home. Well, third if you counted the Cullen's house. At any rate, I was having a horrible time facing the fact that I had to leave not only Ireland, but also Riley. I was heading back to Seattle, while he was going to South Bend. The idea of trying a long distance relationship was frightening, but we didn't want to say goodbye, either.

            The best thing about Ireland was proving to myself, and everyone else, that I could survive on my own, even without a Cullen in the same country. Okay, yeah, Riley had saved me that first night and you could argue that it was pretty much the same thing. I chose not to though, and I felt stronger because of it. In fact, on our last night together, I told Riley that I didn't want to make any decisions. I wanted to go home and see what happened. It wouldn't be so bad. In addition to talking on the phone and Skyping, we could visit each other over school breaks. Ultimately, I didn't feel the need to throw away what we had before we gave it a chance.

            During her six weeks in Barcelona, Alice had gone through some major changes as well. She had broken up with Mike and scheduled a stop in Texas on her way back to Seattle. She had a new boyfriend who she referred to as her soul mate, Jasper. If I hadn't seen them together over Skype I wouldn't have believed it, but seeing them was like watching a couple who had known each other for years. They finished each other's sentences, he knew what she meant with just a look, and she gazed at him as if he was her whole world. It was clear that, within weeks, Jasper knew Alice better than Mike ever would.

            Alice and I both had another year before graduation, while Jasper only had one semester left. By the time Alice got home from Texas, he was planning to move into the spare room at Emmett's house and find a job in Seattle. He wanted to work for a year or two before getting his MBA, but he wanted to know where Alice was going to be before he made any major decisions.

            What Jasper had done for Alice was astounding. Before she met him, she had been a Business major with thoughts of how she could help Mike with his family's business. She had dreams of franchising Newton's along the Olympic Range and beyond, but not after Barcelona, and not just because she'd broken off with Mike. Jasper had made her see what we'd all known for years. Alice would be wasted on Newton's, and honestly, on Mike. She needed to have her own business somehow connected to real fashion, not hiking gear and camping equipment. She could design it, sell it or both; but she needed to be in charge and at the head of the creative team. And there was little room for that in Forks or Newton's.

            Alice and I took summer classes, mostly so we didn't have to sublet our apartment or move out for ten weeks only to move back in somewhere else. We liked our apartment and the location, so we renewed our lease and promised our parents that we would make it home to visit several times over the summer.

            Alice was more than a little relieved to learn that Mike was not staying in the city. I had never imagined that he would, but in the three weeks before he went back to Forks, he made our lives hell. It turned out that he had only taken their long distance break up well while Alice was away. As soon as she made it home, he was camped out at our doorway, begging her to come back to him.

            Alice very bluntly told him that it was over and slammed the door. I had to sit down with him at a coffee shop around the corner to break the news to him that she was dating someone else. At first he didn't believe me, and then he realized she'd met someone on the trip who didn't go to U-dub. I felt kind of bad for him, since I was all too familiar with the feelings of rejection and heart break, but in the end, I knew that Mike had done this to himself. He'd pushed Alice into being someone she wasn't and compromising what she was capable of. It had only been a matter of time before their teenage romance ended. I think they were the only ones who hadn't realized it.

            I took almost a week off and visited Riley in Chicago for the Fourth of July. He took me to see the landmarks: the Sears Tower, which he refused to call the Willis Tower even though that was its new name, Navy Pier, Lake Michigan, and the Chicago River. We stayed the night at his parents' house in the suburbs before going to his cousin's wedding. It was like a mini-trip back to Ireland without leaving Chicago. His uncle sang _Danny Boy_ during the ceremony and they had Guinness on tap at the reception.

            A little hung over the following morning, we drove back to his apartment in South Bend for the rest of my stay. I got to meet some of the friends he'd told me about in Ireland and see where he spent his days. It was strange Skyping and talking on the phone with him when we got back to the States. We had basically lived together in Ireland but we'd never been to each other's apartments, or met each other's friends. We took our time walking around Notre Dame's campus. He showed me Touchdown Jesus, the Golden Dome, and the Grotto, which was a replica of the grotto at Lourdes, France where Mary appeared to St. Bernadette. Mostly though, we huddled in his bed hiding from the outside world, trying to reconnect.

            While in the Midwest, I apparently missed Edward's only trip home for the summer. Rose mentioned that he asked about me, and Emmett had laughed, saying Edward had also asked about Mrs. Cope from the high school office. Normally, Rose's words would have warmed my heart and made me overly excited. I would have gotten my hopes up wondering what it really meant, but this time, it didn't seem to matter. I realized that Edward had known me forever, and it was normal for him to ask where I was when everyone else had made it home for the weekend. I didn't know when it had happened, but somehow I had miraculously come to a relatively healthy acceptance of my relationship with Edward. I was happily, or more like contentedly, dating Riley, even if it was from across the country.

            Then we all went home over Labor Day for Angela's wedding, and my carefully constructed reality began to crumble.


	4. I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing

            Forks being the small town that it was, we were friends with almost everyone in our grade as well as some of the kids in the years above and below us. It's hard to explain to people who didn't grow up in a small town, because while I'd say we were friends, we weren't all friendly. We were bonded by our small town, raised with the same day to day nothingness that lulled us into the security small towns so often felt, forever imprinted with the events that shattered our peace. When I was in elementary school, a senior boy was killed in a car accident, drag racing out by the res. In junior high, a teacher was arrested for domestic violence, handcuffed and pulled out of the diner on a Saturday morning. Everyone I knew remembered those events, it didn't matter how old we were; they were part of us, part of Forks.

            Alice may have been my best friend, but Angela had always been my friend as well. She was nothing like Alice; she was quiet and mousy, intellectual and introspective. While Alice was on the cheerleading squad, Angela and I had been on the debate team together. Her fiancé, Paul Lahote, had graduated from Forks High with Emmett and Edward. They'd met while they worked at the hospital in Port Angeles. Paul was a security guard and Ang worked part time in the gift shop. They were an odd couple, the outgoing golden boy and the shy book worm, but together, they balanced each other out; I couldn't be happier for them.

            Considering the size of Forks, they were having a big wedding. Angela's dad was a Lutheran minister and was performing the ceremony. We were all in it too—Alice, Emmett, Edward, Mike and I, along with a couple of other people from school. I had sort of shoved in the back of mind the fact that I was going to have to wear a horrific pale pink dress and dance to songs like _Celebration_ and _Mony Mony_ with most of our former classmates. Instead, I chose to focus on the fact that Riley was coming into town for the weekend.

            He flew in to Seattle on Wednesday and after spending a good twelve hours locked in my bedroom, we surfaced to spend time with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose. I had warned him about Emmett, explaining that it would take Em a few hours to warm up to him. I suggested bonding with Jasper since he could relate, having been under the same microscope a few months prior. In the end, Riley hadn't really needed to worry. Emmett loved him. They talked about football, beer and religion, which was an odd fascination of Emmett's. By the time I was ready to head home, the boys were three sheets to the wind and singing Irish folk songs.

            Despite Riley's hangover, we loaded into my car early Friday morning and headed to Forks. Emmett sent me a text to make sure Riley was alive, then said he'd see us later at the rehearsal dinner. I let Riley sleep a bit on the drive up. I wasn't upset with him, I was actually pretty excited that Emmett loved him too, but I was worried about my dad. Based on the way he treated me sometimes, he seemed to think that I'd stopped getting older when I turned twelve. He'd always had a hard time with me dating, even if it was with someone he'd known since before they were born.

            I wasn't really worried, but had wondered how Edward was going to react. Dating Riley and spending the time in Ireland away from my support system of Cullens had really helped my independence grow. I didn't need my obsession with Edward as a crutch anymore. It had always been there as a sort of safety net whenever I was broken-hearted and I had realized it was ridiculously unrealistic and probably a little unhealthy.

            Alice had told me Edward was bringing a date home with him for the weekend. We all knew he only brought home girls that he was serious about. Since leaving for college, this was only the third girl he'd introduced to his family. I figured if he was bringing someone serious home, he would understand what it was like for me to bring Riley home. I hoped he would give him a chance, just like Emmett had and hopefully, my dad. I glanced over at Riley in the passenger seat and had to give myself a mental head shake. I was spending too much time thinking about how much I was over Edward when I had someone that I cared about right beside me.

            Once he woke up, I gave Riley a rundown of the major landmarks we passed. I told him funny stories about growing up in the small town and about fishing with my dad and hanging out with all of the Cullen kids. My dad had been surprisingly mellow when we arrived at the house, greeting me with a big hug and Riley with a hearty handshake. When we finally made it into the kitchen I understood. There were four empty beer cans in the sink and the sound of the Mariners on the television bounced through the house.

            "How are the boys doing?" I asked, knowing he wanted to get back to the game.

            "Good. Good." My dad grinned. "Riley, you like baseball?"

            "I do," Riley nodded, following my dad into the living room.

            "I'm going to take my stuff upstairs and freshen up," I told them.

            "Oh, I'll get your bag," Riley said, turning to come help me. I saw my dad grin behind him.

            "No, I've got it."

            I smiled, heading up the stairs without giving him the chance to stop me. I put my bag in my bedroom and stood by my dresser, running my finger through some dust. Dad had never been the greatest house keeper. My room hadn't changed since I'd left for college. My dad had gotten rid of some of my old magazines that had been stacked in the corner, but my pictures were still tucked in the mirror frame: me with Alice at graduation, my dad holding a huge fish, Christmas a few years ago with the Cullens, my mom and I in Florida, Jake and I grinning as he twirled me around the dance floor at prom.

            I was excited to see Jake while I was home; it had been too long. While I was in Ireland, he had started dating a girl named Emily, who was a new teacher on the reservation. He was bringing her to brunch at the Cullen's house on Sunday morning so we could all meet her.

            I looked out my window, getting lost in my memories for a few minutes. Over all, I was glad that I had gone to U-dub and moved to Seattle, but sometimes I missed how simple life had been in Forks.

            "Hey," Riley said from my doorway.

            "Hey." I turned around and smiled at him. "Is the game over?"

            "Nah... You were just gone for a while, so I wanted to come check on you."

            "Sorry. Just...thinking."

            "Yeah?" he asked, coming over and putting his arms around me. "Good memories?"

            "Mostly..." I sighed, snuggling into his chest, enjoying the feel of his strength and warmth surrounding me.

            "So... I was thinking we had time for a nap."

            I laughed. "We have time for a short one, but there's not a chance in hell we'll get away with it without my dad coming in here with a shotgun."

            "Oh, I know," he laughed. "So come downstairs with me, and we'll fall asleep watching baseball."

            "Sneaky, Mr. Biers, I like it."

            "I thought you would." He smiled and gave me a kiss, much softer and shorter than I would have liked, but it was safer that way, for both of us.

            We made our way downstairs to watch TV. It didn't take too long before I felt myself falling asleep, my head on Riley's shoulder. When I woke up, my dad was sitting forward, elbows on his knees, watching the game intently. Reading the score box in the corner of the screen, I saw that the game was in its final inning, with the Mariners up by two runs. As I rubbed my eyes and stretched my shoulders, Riley woke up yawning.

            "Wow. Looks like we missed a good game," I said to my dad between batters.

            "You did. Looks like you guys needed some rest, though. Emmett keep you up partying last night?"

            "You know him well." I laughed, but Riley was surprised at his guess.

            My dad smiled at him. "It's a small town, Riley. I know those Cullen kids almost as well as I know Bells here." He chuckled before he described them, "Emmett is predictable, Alice is a hurricane, and Edward..." he trailed off.

            "Dad..." I said, trying to warn him not to say anything too awful.

            "Edward is an enigma."

            I shook my head. My dad had never been able to reconcile the different facets of Edward's personality. He had no problem with the combination of Emmett's athleticism and intelligence, and Edward was both of those things too, but when you added his sensitivity and ability to play piano to the mix, my dad just couldn't fit the pieces together.

            Riley just smiled. "Yeah, I got those impressions of Em and Alice last night. I haven't met Edward yet, though."

            Dad snorted and I glared. He knew that I had a thing for Edward growing up. I was beginning to realize that it had been obvious to everyone, except Edward.

            "He'll be at the rehearsal tonight," my dad told us. "I talked to Carlisle before you kids got here, and he said all of the kids were on the road heading home."

            **0)~~'~~,~~**

            Riley and I were walking into the church just as Emmett's Hummer pulled into the parking lot. I shook my head, watching as everyone climbed out like car full of clowns.

            "I didn't realize that thing seated six," I teased Alice as she walked over.

            She glared back at Emmett. "It doesn't. Trust me; we're riding with you to the restaurant."

            "Riley Beer-me!" Emmett called out.

            I shook my head, laughing a little, remembering how Emmett had come up with the play on Riley's last name the night before. Em came over and gave him a man hug, patting him on the back. Everyone was talking when I saw Edward and a slender blonde woman approaching us.

            "Ed!" Emmett called, abbreviating his name in a way that always annoyed Edward. "Come meet Riley!"

            Edward's smile disappeared when he saw Riley holding his hand out. " _You're_ Riley?" he asked, looking him up and down as they shook hands.

            "Yeah," Riley said. He either didn't notice or ignored Edward's reaction, I wasn't sure which. "Nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you."

            Edward glanced sideways at Emmett then smiled at Riley, though it seemed a little off. "Sorry, I was expecting one of Bella's girlfriends."

            "Dude," Emmett laughed. "You thought Riley was a chick? I love your dirty mind, bro."

            I raised an eyebrow at Edward, wondering where the hell he'd gotten that idea.

            "You're from Chicago, right?" He looked at Riley who nodded. "I just assumed you were a friend. No big deal."

            With that, Edward was himself again. He turned on the charm and introduced Riley and I to his date Gianna, who was a nurse he worked with. After catching up for a few minutes, we all headed inside the church to find the rest of the wedding party.

            "Okay!" Ang said excitedly after the minister had gone over everything once. "Everyone line up together, then we'll do a dry run." She called off the names of our high school friends, pairing everyone off. Luckily she'd decided to have Alice walk with Emmett instead of Mike. I was walking with Edward; I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that. Once the wedding party was situated, Ang called out to our dates and had them sit in the front row.

            She stood back and watched as we all took our places. Edward took his place, but he didn't even glance in my direction. He stood stiffly beside me looking straight ahead. I huffed in annoyance and he finally turned my way.

            "What?"

            "You're asking _me_ what?" I asked, a little surprised. "You're the one acting all cranky."

            He rolled his eyes. "I'm not acting cranky."

            I raised an eyebrow at him. "You were a total dick at first when Em introduced Riley."

            "Bella," he sighed. "I just don't want you to get hurt." The look on his face was sad, not condescending at all and I didn't know what he was getting at.

            "What are you talking about, Edward?"

            He sighed again and shook his head. "Bells, he lives halfway across the country. I heard him say he's probably headed to Northwestern for Law School. You really think you're going to come out of this unscathed?"

            "Probably not," I snapped at him. It wasn't like I hadn't already thought about all of that, but I'd also thought that if there was a chance that things could work, we should try. I wasn't going to break things off just because they might _not_ work out. I bit my bottom lip and let out a big breath, then continued, "but I think we deserve a chance."

            "You deserve more than a chance," he muttered.

            "You know what? You have no right to talk to me about this. Where are you going to be next year, Edward?"

            "What?" He looked like I was crazy.

            I huffed, he was so infuriating some times. "You. Next year. You're leaving Duke for your residency, yet you're still here with Gianna."

            "I'm not going to get hurt by Gianna."

            I snorted. "I'm sure you're not, but you might want to think about her for a second."

            "You're just trying to deflect all of this."

            "Maybe I am, but you're being a jerk and I have no idea why. Can't you just be happy I found someone who cares about me? Just let me be happy for once."

            We glared at each other, and when he opened his mouth to say something more, Angela's mother loudly whispered his name. We realized it was our turn and began our slow march. We separated at the front of the church, as he went to the opposite side of the aisle. Alice gave me a curious look as I passed her, but I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

            I took my place, and as Angela's father talked to her and Paul about the actual ceremony, I let my eyes move down the row of groomsmen. Emmett was making faces at Rose and Mike was glaring at Jasper. Then my eyes landed on Edward. So many emotions were flying through my brain all at once it was hard to understand. I was angry, but the sight of him still made my heart skip a little. I was frustrated with myself, because I thought I'd started to get over him. I felt bad for him, because, watching him as he stared down at his feet, I could tell he wasn't happy either. I heard the minister make a joke about it not being too late for Angela to change her mind, and I laughed along with everyone, shaking myself from my thoughts.

            I looked over at my friends in the front rows and grinned. Riley was leaned over, listening to something Jasper said. He caught me looking at him and gave me a smile and wave. I smiled back, silently cursing Edward for making me doubt anything about us. It wasn't as if I hadn't thought some similar things since we returned from Ireland, but I had pretty much convinced myself that the good outweighed the bad, now I wasn't so sure.

            After the Reverend Weber finished his instructions, the wedding party started to move down the aisle. When it was our turn, Edward took my elbow and we started towards the back of the church. When we got past the first couple of pews where the church was empty, he leaned closer to me and whispered, "I'm sorry."

            I bit my lip as I looked over at him, nodding.

            "Are we okay?" he asked.

            I wanted to cry. We weren't okay. I didn't see how things ever could be when he had no idea what he meant to me. "We're fine, Edward."

            "Good," he sighed as he turned his head. I wasn't sure I was supposed to have heard him.

            **0)~~'~~,~~**

            The morning of the wedding was full of rushing around and then waiting, along with calming Angela down and keeping her separated from her mother, who was equally freaked out. Alice and Rose took care of my hair and make-up. I felt a little like I had for prom, I'd been transformed almost to the point I didn't recognize myself, but the new me was pretty hot, if I do say so myself. We posed for what felt like a couple hundred pictures with Angela and the other bridesmaids. Ang was whisked away so Paul wouldn't see her, and we took group shots with the groomsmen. Edward and I made small talk with everyone else. Things seemed to be fine between us, although I think we both knew that there was a fragility in our relationship that had never been there before.

            Eventually, the guys were called back to the rooms they had gotten ready in while the bridesmaids met Angela in the Bride's Room. Everyone quickly refreshed their hair and make-up, making a final trip to the bathroom if necessary. By the time we finished, it was time for to line up in the entryway of the church.

            Edward took my arm, smiling down at me, almost shyly. It was the first moment we'd had alone since our little argument the night before, if that's what you would call it.

            "You look beautiful," he said quietly.

            I glanced at him, trying to gauge what he meant, if it was simply an observation or something more. He smirked and I didn't have a chance to say anything because we were walking down the aisle with all eyes on us. When we reached the front of the church, he gave my elbow the faintest of squeezes before we separated. I turned and faced the congregation like we practiced, smiling and trying to focus on the ceremony. My eyes drifted over the guests but my mind was again focused on Edward.

            I saw Riley sitting near the middle of the church and he smiled a little wider when our eyes met. I bit my lip as I smiled back. Suddenly, I just wanted to be done with all of the wedding stuff to spend time with him. We hadn't had nearly enough time to be alone together, and I was irritated that Edward was occupying my thoughts.

            The ceremony finished and everyone clapped and cheered as Angela and Paul kissed. Then I was briskly walking back down the aisle trying not to think about whom I was walking with. I was anxiously looking forward to a cocktail at the reception. We took more pictures of the wedding party as a whole group with the bride and groom, but this time it was with our dates looking on. The sun was warm for the outside shots and I felt myself blush a little as Riley grinned at me.

            Riley had brought my car to the church, so we rode together to the Elks Lodge for the reception. It was decorated in the style of most receptions there, with a balloon arch over the DJ booth and hurricane lamps on mirrored tiles as centerpieces. We joined the line at the beer table; I introduced Riley to the locals while we waited. Forks didn't see a lot of outsiders, so new people were always fawned over a bit.

            By the time I had to line up for the introductions of the wedding party, Riley was seated with my dad, Jasper and Rose, drinking beer and talking about sports. We ate dinner, watched the happy couple cut the cake and have their first dance.

            I had forgotten my one final duty as a bridesmaid; dancing with Edward. I must have blocked it out, because it took me completely by surprise. I was leaning against Riley as Ang and Paul danced to Nora Jones's _Come Away with Me_ , when Edward moved in front of us, holding out his hand.

            "We're up next," Edward said quietly, then continued when I looked confused, "the whole wedding party."

            "Oh, yeah." I smiled, and Riley chuckled behind me. I took Edward's hand as I saw the rest of the bridal party moving onto the dance floor. My hands were starting to sweat, and I was terrified of stepping on his toes or completely embarrassing myself in some other way. We had danced together before, why was I so freaked out? More importantly, after everything that had happened between us, how had I forgotten I had to dance with Edward?

            His arm came around my back as he turned to face me, and he brought our joined hands up between us intimately. Steven Tyler's voice started coming through the speakers and I was sure I was right. I had utterly and completely blocked out the fact that I had to dance _with Edward_ to Aerosmith's _I Don't Want to Miss a Thing_.

            _I could stay awake just to hear you breathing_

            _Watch you smile while you are sleeping_

            _While you're far away and dreaming_

            We slowly twirled on the dance floor, and I tried not to think about how close to each other we were, or how large and warm his hand felt on the small of my back. Or the way he smelled. Or the feel of his jaw, which half-way through the song he'd moved to rest against the top of my head. I really tried not to notice the caress of his thumb over mine. What I couldn't ignore, however, was his deep sigh and whispered words near the end of the song.

            "I'm sorry about last night."

            The music stopped, transitioning into the next song while the DJ encouraged everyone to join us on the dance floor. I hated to break the connection we had, but I moved back enough to see his face. I didn't respond. I wasn't sure what to say, but we held each other's eyes for a tick of the clock. Then he brushed his fingertips over my forehead before he spoke again.

            "You're important to me, Isabella. I'm sorry if I over-reacted."

            I wanted to cry. To kiss him. To ask him what the hell he meant; but none of that happened. Instead, I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Riley grinning, Gianna by his side.

            "May we cut in?"

            Edward looked at me for another second, then at our dates. "Of course."

            He seemed to disappear with Gianna after that. I didn't see either of them for the rest of the evening. Did they leave to spend time alone together? Were they just off in a different part of the hall, talking with other friends? I had no idea.

            Just like I had no idea what the fuck had happened between us on the dance floor.


	5. Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

            The fall was long and lonely. Despite the efforts we both put in, Riley and I broke up before Thanksgiving. There was no big fight; no drama, just a mutual understanding and parting of ways. We both realized it was too exhausting to date someone long distance who you didn't actually get to go on dates with or see in person.

            After Angela's wedding, there seemed to be an epidemic of engagements among our friends. My dad said it was just our age and in a year or so everyone would be having babies. Since I didn't even have a potential fiancé, I couldn't get my head around it, but I couldn't deny what was happening. Every engagement I heard about was a little knife to the heart, a poke saying, 'Ha! You're still single, loser.'

            I hated myself for feeling like that. I should have been happy for them, right? I should have wanted to spend money on their gifts and celebrate their unions. Okay, _want_ was a little strong, but I should have been able to muster some happiness for them without the emotional struggle I was having.

            The worst, was putting on a happy face for the quickie wedding that I found myself a part of at Christmas time. Of all the weddings that I had not expected to be in that winter, Mike Newton's certainly topped the list. He hadn't dated anyone seriously since Alice broke up with him. If you had asked me before I got the call from Mrs. Newton, I would have guessed Mike was still hoping that Alice would leave Jasper and come back to him. I couldn't have been more wrong.

            Mike's mother had called me in a panic when I got back to Seattle after Thanksgiving. Apparently, Mike had gotten a little wild in his attempts to forget Alice. He'd been partying a lot and sleeping around. Now he was set to marry a very pregnant Charlotte Jennings, who had worked at Newton Outfitters for the summer.

            It was all a little surreal, listening to Mrs. Newton telling me all the sordid details. Alice stood next to me, eavesdropping, with her mouth hanging open in shock. The Newton's were planning a spectacular shotgun wedding. Mike's mom was 'sure that I'd want to be in their wedding,' since I'd known Mike _forever_. I truly had no desire to stand up for Mike or Charlotte. She was only nineteen; I barely remembered her from high school. I knew, however, that if I somehow ended up in a similarly bizarre situation, Mike would do it for me. I reluctantly agreed, while Alice buried her face in a pillow so Mrs. Newton wouldn't hear her freaking out.

            The wedding was scheduled for New Years Eve, with the reception in Port Angeles at the golf club. The Newtons were inviting most of Forks and it sounded like it was going to be a huge party, even Alice received an invitation. She'd called Mike's mom to make sure it hadn't been a mistake, but Mrs. Newton confirmed that Mike had wanted to include her. We thought it was either really big of him, or he was hoping that she'd stand up and call a halt to the whole thing. I didn't tell anyone Alice had confided in me that she was skipping the ceremony and bringing Jasper to the reception.

            At noon on New Year's Eve I was sitting on my bed with my head covered in hot rollers, as Alice put the finishing touches on my make-up. The dress was dark purple this time; Alice called it eggplant. I called it very striking against my pale white skin. It was simple, sleeveless, with a straight neckline and a black velvet sash at the waist.

            Although Alice had free-reign over my hair and make-up, she scared me a little scared when she started talking about giving me smoky-eyes. I'd tried that once on my own and ended up looking like a raccoon.

            "Bella," she sighed, "I'm not going to make it look like you have two black eyes."

            "Well, that's good."

            "You'll look beautiful. I'm mixing some purple in with shades of grey and it's going to be amazing."

            "Sure thing, Alice," I muttered as she swirled a brush over my cheeks.

            She rolled her eyes. "So, text me when you're heading for the reception. We're going to hit the casino in Sequim for a little while. We'll head over once we hear from you."

            "Sounds good," I agreed. I was riding to the wedding with another bridesmaid, a girl named Jenna that I'd worked with at Newtons. I planned on riding home with Alice or Emmett.

            After all of my whining and complaining to Alice about being in Mike's wedding, I had to admit that I was pretty excited that we would all be together for New Year's. Our typical New Year's involved watching Ryan Seacrest while doing shots every time he said something Emmett deemed stupid. That meant we took a drink practically every time Seacrest opened his mouth. We laughed a lot and took photos that could be used for blackmail later. It usually ended with someone vomiting. It wasn't pretty.

            The pre-wedding pictures with Charlotte were awkward. Luckily, they didn't take very long. She looked cute, in an off-white empire waist wedding gown that didn't hide her pregnancy at all. I was paired with her older brother, Stephan, who I'd met the night before. He was a nice guy; married and a father of four. His wife was thrilled to have the kids staying with her parents for New Year's Eve. I tried not to be bitter at their happiness.

            The wedding was beautiful, but long. There were several songs and readings that made the ceremony drag on. Standing at the altar, Mike looked terrified. He also looked like he'd aged ten years since he and Alice had broken up. I felt bad for him, but at the same time I was insanely jealous. My emotions made no sense, neither did the tears in my eyes when they said, "I do."

            After the ceremony we took more pictures. The wedding party was made up of a mishmash of people who were friends with either Mike or Charlotte, but no one was really friends with both of them. It made conversations strange and the air was oddly tense but jovial. I needed a drink - a strong one.

            I texted Alice: **get your ass 2 the golf club. need alcohol. stat.**

            She responded a few minutes later: **we're rollin, beyotch!**

            I laughed out loud, shaking my head as I read her reply. When Alice tried to text with slang like that it meant she'd had a lot to drink.

            The club looked beautiful when we arrived. The walkway was lined with luminary bags that had cut-outs of snowflakes on them. The banquet room was decorated mostly in white, with a lot of pink feathers and flowing fabrics. There were splashes of the dark purple that matched the bridesmaid dresses with tiny pops of hot pink mixed in around the room. It was much cuter than I expected, but I knew Alice was going to hate it, telling me what they could have done to make it better.

            I made my way directly to the bar. If there was anything the Newtons were good for, it was showing off their wealth. Most Forks weddings had a keg of beer and boxed wine, but not this one. They had an open bar with top shelf liquor, cases of beer and imported wine. I ordered a Captain Morgan and Diet Coke, standing near the bar to wait for Alice. I was just finishing my second drink when I heard the rumble of Emmett's deep laughter.

            Turning towards the sound, I saw Em and Rose walking hand in hand with Alice beside them, tucked securely under Jasper's arm. Carlisle was alone and Esme was arm and arm with Edward. _Edward was here?_ I took a long sip of my drink through the straw, making a loud sucking noise indicating I had already finished it. I stirred the ice around, but it was no use, there was nothing left. My eyes darted to Alice in panic, but there was no time for her to explain because, while I was still trying not to freak out, Emmett pulled me into his arms for a hug.

            "Looking foxy, Swan."

            "Thanks, Em," I managed.

            I was passed through the family for hugs while I tried to figure out when Edward had gotten into town. I felt a little like a pinball in a machine, bouncing from person to person. The next thing I knew, Edward's arms were around me. His breath was warm on my neck and my eyes closed of their own volition as I sighed.

            Neither of us said a word, we just stood there, connected for a second before his hands slid slowly down to my waist. He stepped back, avoiding my eyes, turning to talk to Jasper. The whole exchange had taken maybe a second and a half, but it had been heartbreaking for me.

            It was our first interaction since the morning after Paul and Ang's wedding. We'd both been dating other people then, but things had changed between us.

            We had been in his mother's kitchen with friends and family when he'd put his hand on the small of my back, reaching around to get something off the counter. The warmth of his hand had tingled all the way up my spine as he inhaled sharply next to me. Whatever it was between us had somehow become _more_ than it had ever been.

            It was the same feeling I'd had seconds before, when he'd wrapped me in his arms; I knew he felt it too. The way his hands had lingered on my waist, how he wouldn't meet my eyes. Whatever was happening between us, he wasn't comfortable with it, either. I just wished I knew what _it_ was.

            When we got a second alone, Alice explained that Edward had shown up to surprise everyone. He'd planned on meeting them at the reception, but didn't realize they were skipping the wedding ceremony. He'd been just as surprised to find them at home as they were to see him. She also told me that Edward had broken up with Gianna. I didn't know how to feel about that. Maybe it had nothing to do with what we talked about. Maybe it had nothing to do with me. Then again, maybe it had everything to do with us.

            Esme and Rose joined us and we began to critique the fashion sense of the ladies of Forks. We were practically in tears laughing when the guys arrived with another round of drinks. I accepted a glass from Edward, who still refused to make eye contact with me. Taking a sip, I realized it was just a Diet Coke. I decided I didn't care that he was uncomfortable and leaned towards him before I spoke quietly.

            "Edward, I think you gave me the wrong drink."

            He sipped his own drink and shook his head with a grin. "No, that one was for you."

            "Asshole," I muttered, as he turned back to Emmett without another word.

            "What?" Alice whispered from right beside me.

            "Nothing," I said, staring daggers into the back of Edward's head.

            Mrs. Newton appeared beside me before I could plot Edward's murder, telling me to find my seat at the head table for dinner. I went to the bar to get my own cocktail before taking my seat. A few minutes later, the theme to Rocky played in the background as the DJ introduced the 'New Mr. and Mrs. Michael Newton.' After the toast and blessing, the waiters began serving dinner.

            As we ate, I had a clear view of Cullens at their table. They were talking and laughing, waving forks at each other as they ate. Esme was grinning, loving the opportunity to be with all of her children, while Carlisle smiled lovingly at her. I could see Edward interject into the conversation occasionally, but he seemed more of an observer than a participant. For all of my thinking that I'd gotten over my unhealthy obsession with him, it was clear that I wasn't and I probably wouldn't ever be. Or maybe it was just all of this wedding envy that was bringing it out. It didn't really matter why; the fact was, it was there with a vengeance.

            I took deep breath and put my shoulders back, making the decision that I needed to focus on my bridesmaid duties to get through the night.

            Before the cake cutting and dancing could begin, I went to the bathroom with Charlotte and another bridesmaid. Somehow, I ended up being the one to hold up Charlotte's dress so she could pee. After that I stood on the dance floor with the all other single women for the bouquet toss. There was really no competition. Everyone got out of the way so Rose could catch it. Next, I gathered around the cake with the bridesmaids. We each pulled a ribbon from beneath the edge of the bottom tier of the cake to reveal our good luck charm for the year. I got a pineapple charm which, according to Mrs. Newton, meant that I had a welcoming heart. _Great, tell me something I didn't know._

            As Mike and Charlotte cut the cake, it was the first time in the entire day that I felt like Mike had a genuine smile on his face. I hoped it was because he really felt something for his new wife and it wasn't just because he was loosening up from the drinks.

            I made my way towards the bar and heard the D.J. announce it was time for the happy couple's first dance. Alice came over to stand by me as Elton John's _Can You Feel the Love Tonight?_ blared through the speakers. We both had to turn away as we broke out in giggles.

            "Oh my god!" she laughed, "are we watching the Lion King?"

            "You know Mike's mom chose this song," I managed between fits of laughter.

            "Ohmygod, she _so_ did."

            "I need a drink."

            "You can't go anywhere. You have to dance next."

            I groaned, wondering what ridiculous song Mike's mom had chosen for that. I stole Alice's drink and finished it, looking at her with wide eyes. "Christ. What was that?"

            "Jack and a splash of Coke, I stole it from Emmett."

            "God, you're a trash can when it comes to alcohol."

            "That's me!" she giggled.

            I looked around for Stephan as the song wound down. He smiled and gave me a wave as he stood up from a seat next to his wife. We made our way towards each other, meeting on the dance floor. Stephan muttered something and laughed as the song changed to Shania Twain's _From this Moment_. I chuckled as well, and we joked about how there was no way Mike or Charlotte had picked the music.

            We were quiet for the rest of the song, just dancing, lost in our own thoughts. The D.J. announced there would be another slow song for all of the guests and Stephan thanked me before making his way towards his wife. A number of other couples came onto the dance floor as I tried to decide what I wanted more – to sit down or get a drink.

            I felt someone grab my hand as I tried to leave the dance floor. Without looking, I knew it was Edward. He smelled like no one else, and the feel of his skin against mine was unmistakable. I took a deep breath before turning towards him. I tried to read his face, unsure of what I saw there. He looked hopeful, yet uncertain. I was just as confused as I'd been the last time we'd danced, but I couldn't say no. He lifted our hands between us as his other arm slid around my back. I smiled, realizing that dancing with him was even better than I remembered.

            As we swayed together, I was overwhelmed again by being in Edward's arms. I couldn't stop myself from leaning against him, breathing in his cologne. Elvis sang _Can't Help Falling in Love,_ as I shamelessly snuggled a little closer. Every unhealthy and dirty thought I'd ever had about Edward swirled through my head as his thumb made small strokes on my lower back. When the song came to an end,I kept my arm around him until he eventually took a step small backwards, his face looking strained..

            "Edward?" I asked quietly. It was the beginning to a thousand questions that I couldn't put into words, but I sensed that he knew exactly what I meant.

            He closed his eyes, exhaling before licking his lips. When he opened his eyes again, he took another, larger step back. "I can't," he said, shaking his head. "I just can't." He tried to move even farther away, but I held onto his hand.

            I didn't want to break what was left of the connection between us, but I couldn't just let him go. "I don't understand," I whispered.

            He pulled his hand out of mine, continuing to shake his head. With one last look at me, he walked away without another word. What did that mean? What was going on?

            I watched him walk away, replaying the scene in my head. When I looked up, Rose was already walking towards me like a crazy psychic who knew I needed her. She put an arm around my shoulder, and I moved on autopilot as she led us to the bathroom. I barely noticed when Alice fell instep beside me. I flopped down in a big over-stuffed chair in the powder room, telling them everything. Rose groaned and rolled her eyes, as Alice listened quietly, her head cocked and brows furrowed.

            "Do you remember what I told you before?" Rose asked finally, grinning.

            I sighed, wanting to run my hands through my hair, but I knew Alice would kick my ass. "I remember."

            She smiled sadly at me. "It's happening, and it scares him."

            Alice looked between us in confusion. "What's happening?"

            "Edward has realized that Bella's not a child, and she's not his sister. It scares the hell out of him."

            "Oh!" Alice grinned, as she seemed to get it.

            I looked at them like they were crazy. "Rose, I appreciate your Jedi-like wisdom but...I don't really think that's what's going on."

            She continued to smile back at me sadly, like she knew something I didn't. She shrugged. "He's either got to figure his shit out or you're going to have to give him permission not to feel like a perv."

            "What?" I laughed.

            "He feels like a pervy old man for looking at you as anything other than his sister."

            Alice laughed while I sat there trying to take it in. Was that what this was about? Did he actually have feelings for me?

            Rose turned to face the mirror, reapplying her lipstick, while Alice chatted about how great Jasper was for coming with her to her ex's wedding. I had tuned them out, thinking about the last few interactions Edward and I had shared. I wondered if Rose was right.

            Mike's grandmother and great aunt came into the bathroom, interrupting us and pulling me out of my thoughts. The girls and I made our way back out to the reception before I'd come to any conclusions. I wasn't sure that Rose was right, but I hoped she wasn't wrong.

            When we reached the dance floor the D.J. had moved to playing music from our high school years. Most of the people our age, including the Cullen boys and Jasper, were on the dance floor jumping around to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It was similar to a high school dance with the girls in a circle while the guys had their own group. Emmett was in heaven, goofing around in front of a crowd, moving back and forth between both circles of friends.

            Time flew by as we danced and reminisced. Before we knew it, the D.J. announced he was playing one more song before the countdown to New Year's. There were a mixture of squeals and groans as _Livin' la Vida Loca_ came through the speaker. I tried to resist, but Alice dragged me toward the middle of the dance floor.

            When the song finished, the D.J. began talking about Mike and Charlotte starting a new life and a new year together. As he babbled, I looked around for the rest of our friends, hoping we could all toast the New Year together. Emmett, Jasper and Edward were walking towards us with plastic glasses of champagne, but when Edward caught me looking at him he stopped. Locking eyes with me for a second, he handed a glass to Rosalie before turning to go outside. I stood there, transfixed for a moment before I followed him to the exit doors.

            Looking through the glass in the door I could see him standing near a pillar, staring up at the stars. His breath was cloudy in the cold air. I watched him for a second, thinking about what to say. Should I ask him what he had been talking about on the dance floor or just put myself on the line? Neither option was all that appealing. They both had the potential to crush me, but doing nothing would drive me slowly crazy.

            I opened the door and joined him outside, but he didn't seem to hear. Standing right behind him, I was so close that I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I resisted. Instead, I jumped off the proverbial cliff.

            "What if I want you to?"

            His shoulders tensed, and I could almost see his eyes closing as I spoke. His hand came up and I knew he was pinching the bridge of his nose.

            "Isabella," he sighed.

            "I've always wanted it." God, I hoped I didn't sound desperate.

            "I can't," he repeated his words from earlier.

            "Why?"

            "Why?" he asked, sounding frustrated. "Shit, the reasons are endless."

            "Don't be ridiculous. Why?"

            He shook his head. "I can't just forget how long I've known you. You're like a sister to me."

            "But I'm not."

            "I know that," he said with a sigh.

            My eyes filled with tears despite how strong I was trying to be. "You can't even look at me?"

            He turned quickly, reaching out to touch my cheek before putting his hands in his pockets. "I can't think when I look at you."

            "You're making me crazy," I said, exasperated. "You either want me or you don't."

            "It's not that simple, Bella."

            "It is. For me, it is."

            He closed his eyes, running his hands through his hair before shoving them back in his pockets and exhaling loudly. "I know. I just...I can't. Not now."

            "Why not now?" I knew that I was sounding desperate by this point, but I was past caring. I was also freezing. I started rubbing my arms with my hands.

            "You know why," he said quietly before taking his suit jacket off and putting it around my shoulders.

            Inside, we heard the crowd begin to count down to midnight. Everyone yelled out, 'Happy New Year!' while Edward and I stood silently, in our own world.

            When the revelers quieted down, he spoke again, shaking his head sadly, "Bella, I start my residency next year. I don't know where I'm going. I'll be there, wherever it is, working, what? Eighty to a hundred hours a week for another four years?"

            "You're making excuses," I said, willing myself not to give up.

            "I'm not. I'm flying back across the country in four days. Where does that leave us?"

            "I don't know." I wiped away a tear. "But this..." I trailed off shaking my head.

            "I know," he said quietly.

            From the look on his face, I believed him. It didn't make me feel any better, and it didn't change anything.

            "I understand what you're saying, but you can't tell me you're putting your entire life on hold until you finish residency." I sniffed and shook my head. "I won't always be here waiting, Edward." God, how I wished that was true. I hoped he didn't know just how big of a lie it was.

            "I know that."

            "Do you?" I asked, wiping more tears off my cheeks.

            "I do," he whispered, stepping forward and pulling me into his arms.

            I should have pushed him away, but I couldn't. I let his warmth wash over me as I tried to memorize the feel of his body pressing against mine. "Happy New Year, Isabella," he whispered.

            "Happy New Year," I managed, as I swallowed back tears.

            I closed my eyes, listening to him breathe and resting my head on his shoulder. I'm not sure how long we stood like that before Emmett opened the door, clearing his throat.

            "Hey, Ed. Mom's looking for you. She wants you to talk to Charlotte's cousin about Duke."

            "All right," Edward cleared his throat and answered without letting go of me. "Give me a minute?"

            "Sure thing."

            The door clicked, leaving the two of us alone outside, in an embrace that shouldn't have been as comfortable as it was after our conversation. I sighed, moving back just enough so that I could see his face. He looked down at me, his gorgeous green eyes more tired than I remembered them ever being. I decided in that moment that if he couldn't, I would.

            I stretched onto my tip toes, watching his eyes get wider as I brought my mouth to his. I realized my mistake the second our lips touched, because kissing him would never be enough. I knew for now, though, it had to be. There was no denying that he responded to me or that we had chemistry; it took all that I had to pull away from him.

            I stepped out of his arms before slipping off his jacket. Handing it back to him, I looked into his rather dazed eyes and spoke before I lost my nerve, "I know you're scared, Edward. I am too, but sometimes it's the things that scare us that are the most worthwhile."

            Turning around, I heard him say my name as I grabbed the door handle. I didn't stop. I didn't look back. I went back into the party without him but with my head held high. Whether I agreed with him or not, whatever it was between us wasn't happening, yet. It was that one little word, _yet_ , that would get me through the night, or hopefully until I could get over him - again.


	6. Into the Mystic

            The new year started out lonely. It didn't matter that I told myself I was a confident, independent woman. I was still alone.

            A few days after returning to Seattle, I received a text message from an unknown number.

            Incoming text: **How are U?**

            Me: **Umm. Who is this?**

            Incoming text: **Edward. How are U?**

            I stared down at my phone for a second in shock. Apparently, I'd never gotten his new number after he moved to the East coast. I read the words on the screen again, but I didn't know how to answer. Before I could respond, I received another message from him.

            Edward: **Are U alright?**

            I wasn't sure that text messaging was the best medium for me to bare my soul to him, and I wasn't sure I wanted to. I bit my lip and typed my simple reply.

            Me: **I'm fine. U?**

            Edward: **I'm good. Just thinking about U.**

            Me. **Well, I'm fine.**

            Edward: **Good. Talk soon.**

            Me: **K.**

            Edward: **Bye. :)**

            Me: **Bye.**

            I ran to Alice's bedroom and pounded on the door. After I freaked out for a few minutes, we dissected the lines of text, giggling about his use of a smiley face and the abbreviation 'U.' We called Rose, telling her everything on speakerphone.

            "Told you so!" Rose said in a sing song voice.

            "Oh my god! You were so right!" Alice squealed.

            "He just asked if I was alright. Jesus, you two. Relax."

            "Relax? He texted you! How did he get your number? Rose, do you think Emmett gave it to him?"

            "I have no idea. This is an interesting turn, Bells. One I didn't expect."

            I laughed. "Oh really? So now what? Do I text him tomorrow or something?"

            "No!" and "Hell no!" came their responses.

            "No," Rose repeated, once again taking control of the conversation. "I know we're all excited and shit, but he still needs to earn it. And that fucker owes you."

            "He _so_ owes you," Alice agreed, nodding even though Rose wasn't there to see it. .

            "So...I think it's cool for you to respond when he texts for now, but I think it's time Edward chased you a little."

            "Genius!" Alice grinned.

            I sat on the floor of Alice's room with my knees up to my chest, my arms wrapped around them. They continued to talk, but I had tuned them out; my mind busy with my own jumbled thoughts.

            "Bells?" Rose asked.

            "Yeah, I'm here," I answered, pulling my attention back to the conversation.

            "You gonna be alright?"

            "Yes!" I said, exasperated. "Why wouldn't I be?"

            Alice bit her lip as she looked at me. "We don't want you to pin all of your hopes on him."

            "He's in North Carolina," Rose added, "what we mean is that you shouldn't stop looking."

            I rolled my eyes, as if another Mr. Right was going to stroll into my life. "Sure, Rose. I'll just keep putting myself out there." I was being sarcastic; they both knew I hadn't been on a true date since Riley and I ended things.

            "We don't want you go get hurt," Alice said, giving me a small smile.

            "More than we know you will," Rose said sadly.

            "Maybe Edward and I can become friends," I said, trying to be hopeful and doing my best to ignore their doom and gloom attitudes.

            "You are friends," Alice said, confused.

            "No," Rose said, beginning to sound excited again. "She's our friend, Alice. Bella has never been just Edward's friend. I think that's a great idea, Bella, but let him lead."

            I sighed. That was easy. It wasn't as if I had a history of truly chasing him. I just pined quietly, for years.

            The texts continued as Seattle began to warm to its normal damp spring. Sometimes we joked back and forth -

            **E: I thought I saw U in the park 2day.**

            **B: Really? Did U 4get your meds 2day?**

            **E: Funny. Not. What did U do 2day?**

            **B: I went 2 the park.**

            **E: Liar.**

            **B. I know. I went 2 class and worked. What did U do at the park?**

            **E: I was supposed to review procedures for a surgery tomorrow but I fell asleep. Doing it now.**

            **B: OMG quit texting me and study. I don't want U not knowing what UR doing!**

            **E: I said review. I know what I'm doing. Also, I probably won't DO anything.**

            **B: I watch Grey's Anatomy. U have no idea what UR doing**

            **E: It's TV!**

            **B: Whatever. It seems real. And it's in Seattle**

            **E: Sigh. whispers *it's not real***

            **B: GO. STUDY..**

            **E: Fine. Night :)**

            **B: Same**

            Other times he just sent me random statements about his day, or rambling thoughts that didn't require any kind of response.

            **E: Someone said today that the jonquils are out. I didn't know what that was. It's what they call daffodils here. Weird.**

            Once in a while he sent picture messages of what he was doing or where he was.

            **E: I went to the beach this weekend. Look at this. So different from home.**

            It didn't really matter what they were; his texts always made me smile. It became totally normal to have a text from Edward waiting for me when I woke up in the morning. We were friendly and it was sweet, but I tried not to delude myself into anything more. As my graduation approached and my stress levels went through the roof, I started to initiate some of our conversations. I followed his lead, sending him one line messages or pictures of things like Mount Rainier and Seattle landmarks. The difference was that whenever I texted him - no matter what it was - he replied, even if all he sent back was a smile. Mostly, he seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear.

            **B: I hate my Sociology professor. He is a royal douche.**

            **E: He is douche royalty? Interesting.**

            **B: Yes. He was born into his role as a douche.**

            **E: Does he wear a crown? Or a pinky ring?**

            **B: Neither. A pocket protector.**

            **E: What's wrong with that?**

            **B: U have 1, don't U?**

            **E: maybe. It's hard to get ink out of white lab coats. JS**

            **B: U don't wash your lab coats.**

            **E: How do U know?**

            **B: Grey's Anatomy**

            **E: NOT. REAL.**

            **B: But U don't wash your lab coat, do U?**

            **E: ….No...**

            **B: So Y RU worried about ink in the pocket?**

            **E: I'm a nice guy.**

            **B: Dr. Nice. I like it.**

            **E: Feel better?**

            **B: Yes.**

            **E: Gotta go try not 2 kill people**

            **B: Good luck...Thanx**

            **E: anytime.**

            The cute texts were...cute. They felt comfortable, but nothing more. After a short time, I felt like I could say that Edward was my friend, but there was never any discussion of 'us.' We never talked about progressing to phone calls or anything else but oddly, I was not discouraged. I was good with where we were in our relationship, because the connection we had, no matter how tenuous it was, was so much more than we'd shared in the past.

            I went through the motions of my daily life, going to class and to work, but not much else. The news that Jacob had gotten engaged to Emily didn't really help. It was a shitty reminder that I was still very far from that point in my life. Every other week I went to Emmett's for dinner and game night. I watched movies with Alice and studied at the library, but really, I wasn't doing more than getting by. I was just biding time until graduation. Rose and Alice eventually got sick of my moping around and called me out on it. They insisted on a girls day, and dragged me to Vashon Island for a First Friday tour of their art galleries.

            Linking arms, we stepped off the ferry together and walked from the launch up to the main street, immediately stopping for coffee. Caffeine in hand, we casually began making our way through the galleries. We chatted among ourselves about our favorite pieces on display and someone held the door for us as we left Valise gallery. I looked up as I stepped through and stopped in my tracks. A huge grin covered my face as I took in the tall, thin man with his hair pulled back into a pony tail at the nape of his neck.

            He saw me gaping and smiled back, laughing out loud. "Isabella?"

            "Garrett?" I asked, teasing because it was clear we both recognized each other.

            "Oh my god, it's great to see you!" He hugged me, picking me up and spinning us out of the doorway and onto the sidewalk. He continued to just smile at me for a few seconds before introducing me to the guy standing beside him. "This is my brother, Royce. Royce, this is Isabella."

            "Isabella?" Royce asked, looking at me strangely. "Like, Isabella that you met before the Trail?"

            "Yeah," Garrett replied, nodding and smiling. "You won't believe this," he said, turning to me, "my phone got ruined like the first week of our hike. I lost all of my contacts."

            I laughed. "Well, that sucks."

            It was also an explanation for why he hadn't gotten in touch. I thought that he'd just moved on with life. Actually, I figured he'd never returned to Seattle, staying somewhere out East after their trip.

            "What sucks?" Alice asked, coming back towards me. I'd forgotten she and Rose were even there. "Garrett! Hi!" she squealed, when she saw who I was talking to. She jumped up to hug him.

            Rose shook her head, laughing at us. "I can't take you anywhere! You two always find someone you know."

            I made introductions, explaining to Rose that Alice had set Garrett and I up sophomore year. Garrett chimed in, telling her about his trek on the Appalachian Trail with his brother.

            I shook my head, grinning at him again. "Wow. It's so crazy to run into you."

            "Right?" He was smiling back, looking exactly like I felt. I was excited and hopeful but a little shocked at seeing him. "Let me get your number again," he said, handing me his phone.

            I saved my number for him before calling myself so I'd have his number as well. "So, what are you guys doing here?" I asked stupidly, as I handed his phone back. It was likely they were on the island for the same reason we were, for First Friday to visit the galleries.

            "Royce's fiancé has some paintings in there," he angled his head towards the door we'd just come through. "We're going to grab drinks with her and a couple of other artists later."

            "That's cool."

            Clearly I was not winning points with conversation. I didn't know why I was nervous. We'd really hit it off before his trip. There had been great chemistry between us actually, but maybe that was because I knew he was leaving. There hadn't been any pressure. "It was great seeing you. Call me?" I bit my lip, feeling hopeful, as I felt Rose's hand squeeze my elbow in approval.

            "I will," he promised, before his eyes lit up like he had an idea. "Wait. What are you doing tomorrow night? We could grab some dinner."

            Standing there, trying to formulate an answer, I thought about Edward and realized I didn't know what the hell was going on with us. I had no idea if I should have dinner with Garrett or if Edward would be upset if I went. I knew Rose and Alice would say I should go, but I wasn't sure if I could.

            After flipping back and forth in my mind for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only about five seconds, I decided it was only dinner. I wanted more from Edward, but we were just friends. He had made it clear that it wasn't the right time for us. I'd had a good time with Garrett and I was eager to hear about his trip. Before I could second guess my decision, I heard myself saying yes.

            By the time we took the ferry back to the city, I was back to second guessing myself. Rose, in her infinite Jedi-wisdom, shook her head at me, telling me to knock it off.

            I let out a deep breath, looking out at the water. "I feel a little like I'm cheating on him."

            "Bella," she sighed, putting her hand on top of mine where it rested on the railing, "you're not cheating. You and Edward are just texting. There's no commitment."

            I opened my mouth, but she continued before I could say anything. Her insight was creepy as usual. "You want the commitment from him, I know. The thing is...who knows how things are going to go with Garrett? I mean, maybe he's leaving on another trip or something. You talked to him for five minutes. I say, go to dinner, have a nice time. Figure out what to do about Edward later. If things look good with your hippy, tell him. If not," she shrugged, "don't."

            Alice came out to the deck to join us, complaining about the wind messing up her hair. She looked at us, taking in our expressions before she began to pout. "I missed a moment, didn't I? I hate it when you two do that."

            "Aw...We love you, Alice," Rose teased.

            "Whatever." She rolled her eyes at Rose, then put her hand on my arm. "So, dinner with Garrett?"

            I looked out at the water again, watching the island get farther away, then turned towards my friends, nodding. "Yeah."

            **0)~~'~~,~~~**

            Dinner the next night was great with Garrett. We caught up, talking about his trip and his return to Seattle. After finishing school, he started teaching math in a district about thirty minutes outside of the city. Time flew by as we laughed and talked like we'd known each other for years; we didn't realize how late it had gotten until our waiter told us the restaurant was closing.

            Walking to the car, I knew I was in deep trouble. I liked him - a lot. It was amazing that just being around him made me feel good about myself. When his hand brushed my arm as he opened the car door for me, it took all I had not to lean into his touch. I slid into my seat and he closed the door before walking around to his side of the car. Sighing quietly, I leaned my head against the cool window. This was what I'd been afraid of.

            My head and heart were full of questions. What did these feelings mean for me and Edward? Was there even a me and Edward? Did I feel like this because Garrett was here and Edward wasn't? How would I feel if the two of them stood in front of me? Who would I choose? My heart was pounding and my hands were sweating. I didn't want to think about it, but I couldn't stop.

            He kindly walked me into the apartment building and all the way up to my door. I was terrified that he was going to kiss me, and equally afraid I was going to like it. We stood outside of my apartment, smiling at each other.

            "I had a great time," he said, looking down at me.

            "Me, too."

            "When can I see you again?"

            I bit my lip, then smiled. "Call me 'll see what next week looks like."

            He nodded, leaning down to kiss me. I held my breath as his lips gently touched mine, and then it was done. He grinned down and took a step back as I opened my eyes. "I'll call you tomorrow."

            Blinking, I tried to clear my head as I watched him walk away. He waved before going down the steps and was gone.

            I went on two more dates with Garrett before I said anything to Edward.

            **E: TGIF**

            **B: YES**

            **E: Anything fun this weekend?**

            He texted again before I could decide how to answer.

            **E: Are you there?**

            **B: Yes. I have a date tonight.**

            He didn't respond and I started to think I shouldn't have told him.

            **B: Are you there?**

            **E: Yes. A date? That sounds nice.**

            **B: Really?**

            **E: No. But, have fun.**

            **B: I'm sorry.**

            **E: Nothing to be sorry about.**

            **B: I'm still sorry.**

            **E: Me too. It shouldn't bother me. Go out. Have fun.**

            **B: Don't be mad. I'm having a hard time with this.**

            **E: Don't feel bad. Please, have fun. We'll talk soon.**

            **B: K. Bye.**

            **E: Bye. :)**

            I felt sick to my stomach after that conversation. I didn't mention dating again unless Edward asked directly, which he didn't do very often. I knew from Rose that he talked to Emmett about me; what he said, I didn't know.

            Royce's wedding was about a month after I ran into them on Vashon Island. Garrett hadn't been planning on taking a date until Royce's fiancé Irina and I met. She insisted that I go with him. I spent the day watching the wedding party as sort of an outsider, friendly with everyone but only really knowing Garrett. It was a wonderful day, despite the rain. The ceremony was short and to the point, with a few personal touches. Throughout the day, I was reminded of weddings I'd been to in the past. I laughed about little cliché things I knew Alice hated and took pictures of things I thought Rose would like.

            Between the wedding and the reception I got a text from Edward.

            **E: How's the wedding?**

            **B: How do you know where I am?**

            **E: I know everything.**

            **B: Spooky. Wedding done. Pictures, then 2 reception.**

            **E: Fun. Chicken or steak?**

            **B: HA HA HA HA Free range chicken. No steak.**

            **E: O.o**

            **B: Groom is a hippy. Bride is an artist.**

            **E: HA HA HA HA *can't breathe* Have fun, Belly.**

            **B: Flipping U off.**

            **E: Later.**

            **B: Still flipping U off.**

            The reception was a strange combination of Woodstock meets the Seattle grunge scene. Oddly, it all worked well together. Garrett sat at the head table for dinner while I was seated with some of his cousins. Dinner was, in fact, free range chicken, organic vegetables and tabbouleh. There were even strange, earthy cocktails at the bar. I managed to sneak a picture of my cucumber martini to send to Edward. He hated weird drinks like that, responding quickly with one word in shouty capitals: **WRONG**

            The newlywed's danced to Van Morrison's _Into the Mystic_ before the the wedding party took the floor for Sting's _Fields of Gold_. I stood off to the side, sipping my cuc-tini, as I watched Garrett and the Maid of Honor slowly twirling on the dance floor. All I could think about was that Sting was one of Edward's favorite artists. I finished my drink, cursing myself for allowing my mind to drift like that. Swirling the ice in my glass, I pretended that thinking of Edward while I was at a wedding with Garrett didn't mean anything. pretending like it didn't really matter that it had.

            In the weeks after the wedding, Alice and I were busy getting ready for mid-terms while Emmett and Edward were both nervous wrecks waiting to hear about their matches. Edward had tried to explain it to me via text, but it had taken a longer conversation with Emmett to really understand the whole process for applying to a medical residence program.

            Basically, medical students had to apply to residency programs they were interested in. Based on those applications, schools chose the students they wanted to interview. After that, med students rank ordered the programs they were interested in while the schools did the same. Finally, an aggregate program was used to "match" students with residency programs all across the country.

            Emmett had ranked several schools out West as his top choices, but he was praying to stay in Seattle at the U-dub Medical Center. He wanted to study family medicine, eventually focusing on sports medicine. Edward said he was hoping to come back to U-dub as well, but he wanted to study emergency medicine. I knew that he should have been looking at much larger hospitals, in cities like New York or Chicago, but he wanted to come back to Washington. He'd listed U-dub as his top choice, with several other hospitals in the West as fall backs.

            Both Duke and U-dub had Match Day events where their med students found where they'd been accepted for residency. Alice and I went with Rose to meet Emmett at the hospital to find out his match. We waited in a conference room with the other med students, quietly talking even though Em was so nervous he could hardly sit still. Duke was in a different time zone, so Edward had already learned where he'd matched. The brothers had agreed that they wanted to tell each other where they'd be going. Edward had already called his parents, but he was waiting for Emmett's text to tell the rest of us.

            Emmett paced impatiently as the names were called by lottery. We stood, wringing our hands, through six other names until he was called. He went up to the podium for his envelope, coming back to stand in front of Rose before opening it. In a very un-Emmett like fashion, he slowly slid his finger under the seal of the envelope, pulling the paper out. Taking his time, he tried to smooth out the creases from the folds, prolonging our anticipation. He held the paper up in front of his face so no one else could read it, then simply re-folded the letter, putting it back in the envelope, his face blank.

            "Well?" Rose asked anxiously.

            "Oh, Rosie, you better start packing up your apartment." He tried to sound sad, but he couldn't help himself, breaking into a grin. "So you can move in with me! We're staying here, baby!"

            "Ohmygod!" she yelled, throwing her arms around him.. Alice squealed. I may have shouted and somehow we ended up in a giant group hug.

            Alice and I stepped back and Em kept one arm around Rose as he pulled out his phone to call Carlisle and Esme. They were thrilled, as was to be expected, promising a celebratory dinner the next time they were in Seattle. He was still grinning from ear to ear when he finished the call. Waggling his eyebrows as he typed, he texted Edward. We all laughed, watching his giant fingers fumbling with the keypad

            **EM: Ready?**

            **EC: Ready.**

            Their next texts passed in cyberspace -

            **EM: I'm staying here!**

            **EC: I'm coming home!**

            We cheered, hugging each other again before Em shushed us to call Edward on speaker phone.

            "Congrats, bro!" Emmett said before we all echoed him.

            "You too!" Edward said excitedly. "I can't wait to move back to Seattle!"

            "Dude, it's gonna be epic!" Emmett was still grinning, though I wasn't sure if it was related to his own match or because he was getting his brother back. He'd been thrilled for Edward when he went to Duke, but he'd missed his brother. It was obvious from his voice on the other end of the line that Edward felt the same.

            I was just as excited as everyone else, but the thoughts in my head were all over the place. Edward was coming home, in six months, less if he moved back during the summer. We would live in the same state, even the same city, again. I kind of wanted to go home so I could call talk to him alone, but I knew the timing wasn't right. Our timing was never right. Maybe soon it would be, though.

            Later that night, I waited for Edward to text me, but it didn't come. Instead, I got an excited phone call from Rose letting me know that Emmett had proposed. She had of course, agreed. It had been a long time coming, but now that Emmett knew he was staying in Seattle, they could start planning. It was cute that he asked her on Match day; it made the day even more special, for both of them. Excited about their news, I fell asleep smiling, despite the hollow feeling I had from not hearing from Edward at all.

            The following day, I was surprised when a tray of Beecher's mac and cheese was delivered to the apartment. Beecher's was a cheese shop in Pike Place Market and a local favorite. Alice liked to tease me about how much I loved their mac and cheese. I searched my brain to figure out who could have sent it, because, really, who would be sending me mac and cheese of all things? Why not flowers or candy? I set the tray of food on the counter so I could I opened the tiny envelope. I couldn't stop myself from grinning and laughing when I read the simple typed message inside.

            _One of my favorites for another. Guess what else I miss about Seattle?_

            _-Dr. Nice_

            I put the mac and cheese in the refrigerator with a note telling Alice not to touch it, before I called Edward to say thank you. He didn't answer, so I left a quick voice-mail. I tucked the note away in my desk, and went to sit by my window. With a silly grin on my face, I let myself daydream about Edward moving home.

            A few weeks later, Emmett and Rose had an engagement party at a night club. It was a mix of their friends and people they knew from work, so Garrett and I spent a lot of time talking with Alice and Jasper. Midway through the night, Rose introduced Garrett to someone as my boyfriend and I froze, automatically wanting to disagree.

            Standing there, with my mind reeling, my denial slapped me in the face. Garrett and I went out every weekend. He knew how to order my coffee perfectly and that if I was drinking tea I didn't feel well. He was my study partner, grading his students' work while I did homework. He was the last person I talked to every night. He _was_ my boyfriend. There was no question. I just hadn't realized it.

            Garrett stood behind me, reaching forward to shake hands with Rose's friend. He put his other hand on my shoulder, leaning gently against my back as he said hello. The contact was intimate, but it felt all wrong.

            I glanced at Rose, who was looking back at me apologetically. Somehow she knew what I had just realized, and she understood. Garrett may have been my boyfriend, but I was in love with someone else.


	7. Where Are You Going

            Garrett took our break up like a total gentleman. It made me feel even worse about trying to explain that it wasn't him, but me, that was the problem. He listened carefully, then asked if I was finished. When I nodded, he asked if there was anything he could do to change my mind. He really was perfect. I knew I was potentially making a huge mistake. For all of my telling Edward that I wouldn't always be waiting and that we couldn't just put our lives on hold, I knew I had to end things with Garrett. It wasn't fair to any of us to continue things with him, and I had to find out if what Edward and I had started could become even more.

            That night, before I went to bed, my phone buzzed with an incoming text. I was surprised to see it was from Edward. We were still texting back and forth, and though I hadn't told him what was going on, I should have known that he'd find out I was breaking up with Garrett.

            **E: U ok?**

            I stared at the screen on my phone, not sure how to answer.

            **E: B?**

            I sighed and texted him back the truth.

            **B: Tired.**

            **E: I'm sorry.**

            **B: Me 2**

            **E: Want me to tuck you in?**

            My eyes welled up with tears and I hesitated for a few seconds before I could type my response. I wasn't sure how to answer, but I figured - what the hell? I texted back the first thing I'd thought when I read his message.

            **B: More than anything**

            **E: Me 2**

            His response had been quick, and although it made me smile and warmed my heart, I didn't have the energy to talk with him anymore about Garrett, or us, or whatever. Maybe I would have been able to _talk_ with him, but I didn't want to hash it all out over text.

            **B: Thanks. Goodnight**

            It took him a few minutes to respond. Maybe he was busy or maybe he was feeling like I was - thrilled that he was coming home but still frustrated with the distance.

            **E: You're welcome. Thinking of U. Goodnight**

            I curled up in bed with a sigh and pouted. Earlier I'd been trying to convince myself I'd done the right thing by breaking up with Garrett; now I was sure of it. I couldn't stop myself from wishing Edward really was there to tuck me in, though if he really was in my bedroom, I don't think I wouldn't have wanted to just sleep.

            The spring seemed to fly by after that; I worked on my projects and papers and started to get organized for finals. It was the last semester of my senior year and my future was up in the air. I focused on what I could control, which was being prepared for exams, and tried not to worry about the rest.

            Things with Edward hadn't really changed, except our text messages had become even more flirtatious. We still hadn't progressed to phone calls, and I was okay with that. I wasn't ready for anything more until after graduation, when I had the time and energy to deal with everything. Plus, I knew that Edward was just as busy finishing up at Duke before the move home.

            However, late one night about two weeks before my graduation, things changed.

            **E: Esme said they want to take A to dinner after grad. U and C going?**

            **B: Change of plans. Em's having a cookout. And no C.**

            **E: Night shift?**

            **B: No. Billy's wedding. C can't come down.**

            I'd been looking through some anthropology notes as we texted and was startled when my phone lit up, ringing. I bit my lip as I answered and put the phone to my ear.

            "Edward?" I asked, sounding uncertain, even though his name had flashed on the caller I.D.

            "What do you mean it's Billy's wedding? Charlie's not coming to graduation? That doesn't sound like him at all," he said in a rush, "and wait, who's Billy marrying?"

            "Hello to you too, Edward," I laughed. "No, Charlie can't come. We've been all through it and it's just not possible. Billy and Tiffany Call are getting married the same day as graduation and Charlie's the best man."

            "Tiffany Call? Like, Embry's mom? Man, I've been gone a long time. I had no idea. That's like..." he trailed off.

            We'd heard rumors about Billy and Tiffany years ago. There had been some speculation about how much Jake and Embry looked alike, so I knew what he was thinking. "Yeah,, weird, right?"

            "Yeah, wow." He exhaled and seemed to refocus. "But...Bella, Charlie should be at your graduation."

            "Why, Edward?" Charlie and I had been over all of this. So had Alice and I. "Why is it important for him to watch me and five hundred other people march across a stage to accept a fake diploma? Or to go to Husky Stadium with 40,000 other people and hope he can pick me and Alice out of the crowd?"

            "It just is," he said quietly.

            If Billy hadn't been getting married I would have agreed. But he was, and Charlie was his best friend. We'd known Billy's wedding date for a year, but my graduation had only been announced a few months prior.

            "What about your mom?"

            I snorted. "She'll be on vacation. Her new boyfriend won a trip or something. It's not like she saw me graduate from high school either."

            He sighed. "I remember. I just thought, maybe..."

            "Nope. It'll just be me and Alice, but I'm used to that. Plus, your parents will be there, and they'll video tape everything for Charlie. I've already gotten used to the idea he won't be there." I tried to sound positive. I had convinced myself that it was all right, so I repeated to him the things I'd been telling myself.

            "Bella..." he started, but his voice was drowned out by an announcement in the background, "Doctor Smith, call 221. Doctor Smith, 221."

            "Are you at the hospital?"

            "Yeah, I'm hiding near the morgue."

            "That's disgusting."

            "That's why no one is down here. I was studying."

            "That makes sense," I laughed.

            "It's nice to hear you laugh."

            "Edward..." I practically whispered, closing my eyes.

            "I know," he sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. I'll let you go. I'm just...I'm sorry that your dad won't be there for your graduation…and I know you've had a shitty spring."

            I knew he was talking about Garrett and it was odd to hear him referring to my break up as shitty. I had figured that he would be a sort of smug bastard about it.

            "I'm fine." I tried to sound convincing.

            "You know that Em and Rose and my parents will be there for you, right?"

            "I know. I'll be fine, Edward." I sighed. "When are you moving back?"

            "I don't know. My rotation is done the end of the month, but I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going to live in Seattle; I really don't want to have to live with Em and Rose. I have to figure out what to do with some of my stuff or sell it and then drive back."

            "Oh, okay," I said, though he hadn't really given me a solid answer.

            "Bella, I start my first rotation on August first. That's less than three months."

            "Okay." I could handle three more months. That wasn't so bad.

            "You can help me find a place if you want."

            "Oh." I was surprised and curious. Did he want me to help him look because he knew I'd be spending time there, or because he wanted to spend time with me looking for an apartment? I shook my head, glad he couldn't see my confusion. I knew it didn't matter, I'd take what I could get.

            "I'd like that," I answered, trying not to sound too hopeful.

            "Great. We'll have fun."

            Again, I really didn't know if he meant what he said or was implying something else. I sighed in exhaustion and frustration. "Edward, I need to get some sleep." As well as stop getting my hopes up and reading into every little thing he said, I thought too.

            "Right and I should study."

            "I'll talk to you later?" I couldn't help asking, even if I wanted to take it back as soon as I said it. I could almost hear Rose yelling at me that Edward was supposed to be chasing me. At least he'd called me in the first place.

            "Yes. Later."

            "Bye," I said, ridiculously, since we had already basically said goodbye. I'd really wanted to ask exactly when later was, but I resisted.

            After we hung up, I stared at the phone for a few seconds. I thought about going to tell Alice about the call, but I decided to keep it to myself overnight. I wanted to mull it over, replaying the conversation in my head a few times before telling Alice and Rose. I was afraid they would crush me with reminders it meant nothing until he had actually moved home.

            The girls took the news about the same as I did, with initial shock and joy, then weary cautiousness. Rose was full of, well, Rose-isms, but when it came down to it, her message was that I needed to be patient, and I was, or maybe I was so numb I couldn't tell the difference anymore.

            Even though I had tried to play it off to Edward as no big deal, graduation loomed over my head like a horrible weight. It hurt that my dad wasn't coming, but it was understandable, and it was the least of my worries. There were so many changes on the horizon that the uncertainty with Edward wasn't even bothering me. It was random and often confusing, but it was also sweet and it was a great outlet when I needed to vent. Most importantly, it wasn't changing, even after graduation day. He would still be texting me the following week when I was no longer a student, but an unemployed twenty-something living in a tiny studio apartment by myself since Alice was moving in with Jasper.

            So I went through the motions, putting all of my energy into my exams but not really caring that I was graduating. Emmett was obnoxiously excited for Alice and me, planning a big cookout at his house after commencement. I walked in the small ceremony for psychology majors so I could at least give my dad a picture of me receiving my fake diploma. Afterwards, I rushed across campus to meet Alice and head into the stadium.

            We joined the rest of the senior class for the processional in front of the stands and the mass ceremony. It was long, but sitting with Alice trying to find her family among the crowd in the packed stadium was fun; something I would never forget. We threw our caps in the air and cheered when the university president announced that we had officially graduated.

            After making our way out of the stadium, we went back to the apartment and changed into more casual clothes, taking a few minutes to enjoy one of our last moments as roommates together. We drank some champagne before mixing drinks for the road; well we might have finished an entire bottle. We walked to Emmett's, knowing we could get a ride home later.

            About halfway there, I tripped on the curb and Alice had to put a hand out to steady me. She stopped me from falling and made a big deal about saving me from spilling my drink. When she slurred her words making fun of me, we realized that neither of us had eaten lunch.

            "Oh, shit!" she giggled. "It's going to be a long night."

            "Or a short one!" I laughed, and we linked arms and continued walking to Emmett's.

            When we got there, we walked into the house without knocking. The house seemed empty; we didn't see anyone in the living room or kitchen. We could hear people outside so we made our way to the back deck. Alice slid open the screen door and Emmett looked up from the grill as we walked outside.

            "Ali! Belly!" he yelled and everyone began to applaud.

            Carlisle and Esme were there with Rose and Jasper and a few of our friends. We waved and smiled at everyone as we made our way down into the yard. While Alice and Jasper made out hello, I got caught up in a giant hug from Emmett.

            "So proud of you, B," he whispered before tickling me. I slapped at his hands and he let me go without much of a fight. He grinned at me like a proud father as I headed off to get a drink.

            The keg was set up a few feet from the grill, right next to a long table they were using as a surprisingly well stocked bar a few feet from the grill.

            "Jesus, Em. How many people are you expecting tonight?" I poured myself a rum and Diet Coke. I squeezed a lime over the mixture and took a sip, savoring the perfect mix with a loud, "Ahhh."

            "Just the regular crowd," he laughed, then angled his head towards my drink. "Getting liquored up tonight, Belly girl?"

            "Maybe," I giggled.

            "Maybe she already is," Rose said, swatting Emmett on the ass as she walked past him to join me in making a cocktail.

            Emmett studied me, squinting a little, then glanced over at his sister and threw his head back in laughter. "You bitches are lit. This is gonna be fun."

            Rose laughed and I muttered 'whatever' before I moved off towards Carlisle and Esme. I made it about three steps before I heard the sliding door open again and Emmett call out, "Ed, get me the platter off the counter. These burgers are almost done."

            I did a spit take on my drink and spun towards the door as Emmett and Rose burst out laughing. Edward was there, grinning at me.

            "Got it, bro," he called, reaching back inside for the platter before coming outside. He went down the steps and took the large platter to his brother before he came over to me.

            I realized that my mouth was hanging open and forced myself to close it, but I couldn't come up with any words. I knew I wasn't drunk enough to be hallucinating, but I couldn't believe he was there.

            "Hi." He gave me a shy smile, but seemed to recognize my complete shock and pulled me into a hug without waiting for my response. "You smell like rum."

            For a second I was distracted and thoughts of Johnny Depp saying, 'Where's the rum gone?' filled my head, but reality crashed back into me when I realized I truly was in Edwards arms.

            "Hi," I finally managed to say as he released me and stepped back. "What are you doing here?"

            He grinned. "Surprising you."

            "That you are." I nodded, taking a big drink of my cocktail. I shook my head and smiled at him over the rim of my glass. "Are you really here?"

            "I am. I wouldn't have missed it."

            "Wow," I said quietly, thinking about that - what it meant to me, what it implied.

            He stood in front of me and I couldn't believe my reaction, or lack of thereof. I was probably acting like a complete asshole, but I had no idea what to think or how to act. Looking into his eyes, I felt overwhelmed—graduation, Alice's move, my dad not being there—it was a lot to take, but Edward coming to my graduation put me over the edge. My eyes started to well up and he shook his head.

            "No, Isabella, please don't cry," he said quietly, stepping forward and putting his hands on my cheeks. "I didn't come to upset you. I wanted today to be special for you. Do you want me to go?"

            "No," I said quickly. "No. It's not that. There's just a lot going on right now." He was gazing down at me and I didn't know what to do, so I put down my drink and stood on my tip toes to hug him again. I took a deep breath and just let him hold me. "I'm glad you're here. I just don't know what to say."

            "You're doing fine." He rubbed my back and let me have a moment to get myself together. I didn't care that everyone saw us, and I couldn't help but notice that he didn't hesitate from holding me like that in front of his entire family. When I could look at him without crying I stepped back, but he took both of my hands. "You okay?"

            I nodded. "How long are you staying?"

            He reached forward and moved some of my hair over my shoulder. "Just til morning. It was the only way I could make it work."

            "So, you're going to have been in the air longer than you were here?"

            He chuckled. "Um, it's pretty close. I'm not exactly sure."

            "I. Wow, Edward. I can't believe..." I closed my eyes and swallowed, taking a second to let go of all of the insecurities that were bubbling up. Taking a deep breath, I smiled up at him. "Thank you."

            "You're welcome." He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Come on. Let's go talk to my parents. We'll rescue them from drunk Alice."

            I snorted. "Because drunk Bella is better?"

            His hand slid down to my lower back to guide me towards his parents. It was warm through my summer dress and I wanted him to keep his hand there all night. "Drunk Bella doesn't talk about having sex with Jasper," he laughed. "At least I hope you don't."

            After hugging Carlisle and Esme, and realizing it was clear to everyone that Edward had come to spend time with me, the rest of the night was sort of a blur. There was a round of tequila shots with Tyler and a pep talk from Rose, she agreed that Edward's appearance definitely meant something. Throughout the night, Edward seemed to touch me much more than usual. He rubbed my back, put his hand on my shoulder, and even kissed my forehead. He held my hand at one point, too. At least I hoped all of that happened; I might have dreamed it.

            I woke in the morning feeling better than I should have for having drunk so much. Taking stock of my circumstances, I realized I was in a t-shirt and underwear, not the dress I'd worn the night before. That was impressive. Then I realized that the hand gently resting on my stomach wasn't mine and I started to panic.

            I rolled over and gasped at the sight of Edward sleeping next to me. He was in nothing more than a pair of boxer briefs which left very little to the imagination. I closed my eyes tightly for a second and took a deep breath. I had to be dreaming. He was going to be gone when I opened my eyes; it was the only thing that made sense. But when I opened my eyes again, not only was Edward was still there, he was starting to wake up. He stretched to rub his face and moved his hand, which had ended up on my side. He opened his eyes and grinned at me.

            "How are you feeling this morning graduate?" His voice was gravely and sleepy... and really fucking sexy.

            "Much better than I should. I don't really remember the whole night."

            He laughed and reached over to brush some of my hair back. "There are probably some things you should be glad you don't remember."

            "Oh my god. Did I? I mean, was I..." I was too embarrassed to say the words.

            "Were you a flirty drunk and then suddenly violently ill? Yes."

            I groaned. How embarrassing, but it explained why I didn't feel like death.

            "Sorry," I muttered, feeling a blush creep up my neck and face. I started to cover my mouth to save him from my bad breath but I realized my mouth didn't taste too awful.

            "Did I brush my teeth?" I asked, more to myself than him.

            "You did, and you made quite a production of it," he smiled at me, his green eyes shining in the morning sun. He looked way too handsome for having just woken up.

            "I'm sorry," I said again. "Thanks for taking care of me."

            "Don't worry about it. It was fine. Not at all what I was expecting, but fine."

            "What were you expecting?" I whispered, because I had no idea really why he had come to graduation or what it meant for us.

            He smirked. "Not that. Okay a maybe a little bit of that." His fingertips ghosted over my cheek and he smiled thoughtfully. "I just wanted to make sure yesterday was special for you. I didn't expect to end up in your bed. I'm not upset that I did, and I hope you're not either...but I thought we'd have more time to talk."

            "Talk?" I grinned. That's not how I imagined a night in bed with Edward.

            "Yeah," he said with a sigh. His eyes seemed to search mine for a second before he spoke again, "I guess I just need you to know that we're on the same page."

            "We are?"

            He nodded and then leaned towards me so our foreheads were almost touching.

            "We are." I felt his breath across my cheeks as he spoke. "We just have to hold on a little longer. When I come back next month I'm staying."

            "What are we holding on for?" I leaned in even closer, so our lips were almost touching.

            "Everything," he whispered, looking into my eyes.

            I could have said something back, and we could have kept talking, but that wasn't what I wanted anymore. I certainly didn't want to wait for everything, not the way he meant. Carpe Diem and all that. I angled my head, moving my lips over his to kiss him again the way I'd wanted to since the second I walked away from him on New Year's.

            He kissed me back without hesitation. The chemistry we shared was palpable, but we kissed leisurely, hands roaming each others' sides and backs. Although it felt relaxed, we were both breathing heavy and making small gasps and sighs. Our bodies shifted, he was angled over me and I could feel how hard he was against my hip.

            I slid my hands into his hair, arching my neck as his as lips moved down it towards my collarbone. He slid my shirt up and cupped my breast with his hand as I bit my lip in anticipation, hoping his lips were heading for the same place. He nuzzled his face between my breasts for just a second before I felt his breath on my nipple. I gasped, rather loudly, and he chuckled, his forehead against my chest. It was intimate and adorable, but all I cared about was his mouth finding its way back to where he'd left off.

            "Edward," I rasped, shocked at how turned on I was when we were just making out.

            I felt his hand tighten on my ribcage in response just before his tongue finally touched my skin.

            "Shit, Bella," he muttered, glancing up for a second with dazed eyes before returning his attention to my chest.

            We were tangled together and things were getting a little out of control, but I didn't really care anymore. I was pretty sure I could live with the consequences when he left. When he stretched up to kiss my lips again, I reached down to push his shorts off. He groaned, but it was definitely not a sound of protest, and he didn't try to stop me.

            Just as I got a hand on his ass, and oh, it was as good as I'd imagined, better maybe, I heard music coming from somewhere in my room. I knew the song but I was breathing too hard to make out the words. I turned my head and Edward continued kissing my jaw and my neck, then I heard the song more clearly.

            "Oh, my god!" I started laughing when I realized what it was. "Is that your ringtone?"

            I was trying to stop laughing and Edward froze and listened, dropping his forehead to my shoulder as the familiar tune played.

            _Ice ice baby_

            _Ice ice baby_

            _All right stop collaborate and listen_

            _Ice is back with my brand new invention_

            _Something grabs a hold of me tightly_

            _Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly_

            _Will it ever stop yo I don't know_

            _Turn off the lights and I'll glow_

            "I'm going to kill my brother," he grumbled as Vanilla Ice continued to sing for a few seconds before it looped and started over.

            I cracked up laughing and the music started playing again.

            "What?" Edward barked into the phone. He listened for a second then groaned. "Yeah. Gotcha. I'm getting up, Emmett." I grinned as he paused, then he snapped at his brother, "You're an ass."

            I heard Emmett's voice on the other end of the line but couldn't make out what he was saying.

            Edward leaned over and gave me a chaste kiss as he listened. He rolled his eyes at me before he spoke again, "Yes. I'll see you in an hour. No, I'm not telling Bella 'hi' from you."

            Em was yelling into the phone as Edward disconnected, then he flopped back on my bed next to me.

            "What time is it?" I asked quietly.

            "Seven thirty."

            "Ugh."

            "I have to get to the airport," he sighed.

            "I really don't want you to go."

            He rolled onto his side, giving me a lopsided smile. "I don't want to go, but I suppose it's a good thing we got interrupted, right?"

            "That's one way to look at it," I mumbled.

            He pulled me into his arms and tight against his chest. "We have horrible timing."

            "It sucks," I whined.

            "Bella, I think you're worth waiting for. Okay?"

            I didn't respond. What do you say to something like that?

            "Okay?" he asked again, squeezing me a little tighter.

            "Okay." I nodded into his chest and let out a deep breath. "I would take you to the airport, but I have to drive up to Forks."

            "It's okay." He kissed me sweetly, then put his head on the pillow and grinned at me. "What are you going up to Forks for?"

            "I have to go to the res, actually. Billy and Tiffany are having a luncheon something or other at the community center."

            "Gotcha. Salmon?"

            "Of course," I laughed. There was always some kind of salmon on the menu at La Push.

            "What time do you have to go?"

            "Nine thirty or so."

            He nodded and we laid there quietly smiling at each other. After a few minutes he gently traced my cheek with his fingertips. "I'll be back soon, Bella. I promise."

            I sighed and moved forward to snuggle against him again. I wanted to spend as much time in his arms as I could. I couldn't wait for him to come home again now that we seemed to be on the same page, or at least in the same book finally.

            Eventually, he got out of bed and took a quick shower while I made coffee and sat by the window, trying not to think about how everything was changing. He came out of the bathroom smiling at me, buttoning his shirt from the night before. Stopping in the kitchen, he made himself at home, getting his own coffee and making a piece of toast.

            I went over and joined him, leaning on the breakfast bar. We talked a little, avoiding serious topics, while we seemed to gravitate towards each other so we were standing close enough that we brushed arms as we drank our coffee.

            His phone buzzed and he looked down to read the message. "Em's on his way over."

            "Oh." My voice was small and I could feel myself starting to collapse inward just thinking about him leaving, both physically and emotionally. My shoulders sank and my mood plummeted.

            "Isabella." Looking down at me he sighed, gathering me into his arms. "We'll be all right. I'll be back."

            I nodded, not wanting to hear my voice break or let myself start to cry. He leaned down and kissed me gently, then it wasn't so gentle anymore, and I was pressed against the bar as I clutched him to me. There was a loud pounding on my front door and we both laughed, sneaking in a couple more quick kisses before letting Emmett in.

            "Hello, love birds," he teased as he stepped through the door.

            "Fuck off, Emmett," Edward said, rolling his eyes.

            I didn't even acknowledge it, knowing he'd just keep teasing us if I did.

            "Ready, bro?"

            "Yeah." Edward nodded. He gave me another quick hug and kissed the top of my head. "I'll call you when I land." I looked up at him in surprise. I hadn't expected that, but I guess things had really changed. He smiled down at me. "I have to go."

            "Okay." I nodded. "Thanks for giving him a ride, Emmett."

            "No problem, Bells. Rose said she'd be home all day if you wanted to call."

            Bless Rose; she always seemed to know when I needed her most. Emmett started out the door and I stood on my tip toes and kissed Edward's lips one more time. "Thank you. For coming out, for talking."

            "I wouldn't have missed it, Bella. Everything turned out better than I hoped for." He turned back to look at me when he reached the door. "I'll be back," he said, grinning and trying to sound like Arnold in _Terminator_.

            And then he was gone, closing the door behind him. I made my way to the bathroom on autopilot, knowing I had to start getting ready if I wanted to stay on schedule and get on the road. Edward had pulled the clock radio forward on the bathroom counter and put my iPod in the dock. I got undressed and started the water running before turning on the music, noticing it was on a playlist called _Belly_.

            I didn't know when he'd had time to mess with my iPod or how he knew my passwords, I had a feeling a certain pixie-like sister of his was involved, but I was pretty excited that he'd made me the equivalent of a mix-tape. I climbed into the shower and stood under the spray getting my hair wet, grinning as I recognized the Dave Matthew's song as it began to play.

            _I am no Superman_

            _I have no reasons for you_

            _I am no hero_

            _Oh, that's for sure_

            _But I do know one thing_

            _Is where you are is where I belong_

            _I do know where you go_

            _Is where I want to be_

            I sang along as the water washed over me. Edward was coming back, and he wanted to be with me.


	8. Home Sweet Home

            I spent the summer applying for jobs. I sent my resume to practically every job vacancy within an hour of Seattle.

            I'd considered looking for jobs as far away as Olympia and even in Forks, but I held off. I didn't want to plan my life around Edward, but really I'd had it on hold for him for years. With every development in our relationship, I'd tried to convince myself that I was being a little healthier about it. This time, I told myself it was okay because I had a lease in Seattle so I wasn't staying just for him.

            I had a few interviews and filled a desk drawer with rejection letters. With the unemployment rates being higher than average, I knew the odds were against me, but I kept trying. I'd gotten a job at University Bookstore before going to Ireland **,** and luckily they'd hired me back when I came home. I continued working there while I looked for something more permanent, doing my best to put money away.

            Rose and Emmett continued to plan their wedding, and I had a feeling that Alice and Jasper were on the edge of announcing their engagement. Edward and I still flirted via text daily. Since his trip back home, we'd started talking to each on the phone occasionally as well. His voice was comforting, deep and smooth, soothing my questions about our future. I found his promises of being on the same coast a little more believable when he spoke them to me, rather than reading them on a text message.

            After a few weeks, I got the courage up to have a more serious conversation with Edward. He'd said we were on the same page and we were going to be _everything_ \- but I didn't know what that really meant. How _had_ we finally gotten on the same page? What was this everything he was talking about? Was it the same as my everything? Because, honestly, I needed him to be sure before he promised that.

            "Isabella," he sighed, "I've always liked you. You're beautiful. You're fun to be around and you always make me laugh, but you were so much like a sister that I couldn't see past that. Well, I did, but I thought I was a total perv, so I tried to convince myself I didn't."

            "I understand that, Freud, but what changed?"

            He cleared his throat and I could almost see him looking at the ceiling as he formed his words in his head. "Seeing you with Riley was a like a punch in the gut," he said quietly. "It was like, suddenly you were a woman, dating a man, and I was watching from the sidelines wishing you were mine." He paused, then chuckled, "It was awful."

            I laughed, "So that's why you were such a dick to him."

            "It totally took me by surprise. They told me you were coming with Riley for the weekend; it never crossed my mind Riley was a guy, let alone a boyfriend."

            "I'm not sure if I should be offended by that."

            "Don't be. I was in denial," he laughed quietly. "Then you started to date the hippy." He paused and I heard a quiet snort. "I wanted you to be happy, Bells, but I realized I wanted you to be happy with me, and it was killing me to be so far away. It seemed like telling you how I felt wouldn't even matter."

            "Edward..." I wasn't even sure how to finish that statement.

            "But then you broke up with him and I'd gotten my match so I knew I was coming home...I finally felt like things were falling into place for us."

            "So you came to graduation to sweep me off my feet?"

            "No. I came for graduation because I care about you. I wanted to be there for you. Getting in your bed was a bonus."

            I laughed for a moment and got serious. "What now?" I asked, trying to imagine our future. It looked slightly different each time I envisioned it, though at the core it was always the same- Edward and I in a dreamy, rather unrealistic, happily ever after.

            "Now, I move back and we spend time together as adults. It's not so different than when we spent time together before."

            I snorted. "Except I've always been quiet little Bella, terrified of making a fool of myself in front of you."

            "I never understood that. Why would you think you'd embarrass yourself in front of me?"

            "Because I'm a klutz and I always put my foot in my mouth."

            "You say that as if I haven't known those things about you since the day we met."

            I sighed. "But it's different. You don't want to be such a screw up in front of someone you're attracted to."

            "But you can be a screw up in front of your best friend's brother?"

            "More or less," I snorted.

            "That's ridiculous," he laughed. "Now, let's go back to the part where you're attracted to me..."

            "Let's go back to my original question. What now?"

            He sighed. "We date, Bella. I show you how I can be a good boyfriend; you act like a screw up in front of me, and I won't care."

            "Very funny."

            A few weeks later, I went up to Forks for the weekend to be Jake's 'plus one' at his friend Seth's wedding. Jake needed a date because his fiancé, Emily, was visiting her sister in Anchorage. I'd known Seth since we were kids so I knew it would be fun. It wasn't like I was doing anything on the weekends besides working and waiting for Edward. We had a great time, but I was also reminded again of how many weddings I'd been to and that mine, was still nowhere on the horizon. My dad continued to remind me it was just a phase in life when everyone you knew was getting married.

            I had a nice weekend with Charlie and on the res, but was glad when I got to go back to the city. My monotonous routine allowed the days and weeks to blend together and I pretended that I wasn't counting down until Edward started his residency.

            Fourth of July weekend came and went. I visited Charlie for a day but had to be back in Seattle to work at the book store on the actual holiday. I saw the fireworks near the Space Needle, with friends from work. Everyone else had gone home for the long weekend and Edward was still finishing things up in North Carolina.

            One afternoon in the middle of July, I answered the door to my tiny apartment and there he was - a week early.

            "Edward?" It was a ridiculous question, but I was surprised to see him. I had all of his flight information, and he wasn't due in until the following Wednesday.

            "Hi."

            I threw my arms around him and squealed, "Oh my god! I can't believe you're here!" I glanced around and noticed he didn't have any bags. "What are you doing here?"

            We were standing in the hallway holding each other and before he answered me, he lowered his head and kissed me. When he pulled away, it took me a minute to come to my senses and when I opened my eyes he was smiling down at me.

            "I got everything finished early and changed my flight. Em picked me up and I left my stuff at his place. I borrowed his car and headed over here."

            "Oh. Okay," I sighed, contented, relaxing into his touch as his thumbs caressed the back of my neck. "Are you here for good?"

            "I'm here for good. Well, except that I need to go up to Forks and get my car," he said, referring to the Volvo he'd stored in his parent's barn while he lived in North Carolina. He'd purchased a used Accord while he was out there and had recently sold it to an incoming resident from New York City. "Not to mention all of the stuff I have stored at my parents'." He smiled down at me. "So, you have the night off?"

            "I do. How did you know?"

            "I have my ways," he teased with a fake evil laugh. "Want to go out to for dinner and to check out the neighborhoods around a couple of condos I'm going to look at?"

            "Oh, that sounds fun." I glanced down at my jeans and worn t-shirt. "Come in for a second and let me change."

            "You look fine." He pulled at my hand and I laughed, shaking my head.

            "I need to at least run a brush though my hair. I'll be just a minute."

            He followed me inside and I changed clothes quickly, brushed my hair and applied a little mascara. When I came back into the living room Edward had spread a map out on the coffee table and was comparing it with something on his phone.

            "Ready?" I asked.

            "Yeah, just trying to get my bearings, I haven't lived here in a few years. I want to try to find the restaurant without using the GPS. "

            "Why?" I laughed. I relied heavily on the GPS and he knew it.

            "I don't know. I just want to see if I can."

            "Sure thing," I laughed, tucking my own phone with its easy to use GPS system into my purse and opening the front door. "Let the adventure begin."

            And so it began.

            Edward found a condo to rent and after unpacking boxes and moving even more of his things down from Forks, he started his residency. I continued to work at the bookstore and plaster the greater Seattle area with my resume to no avail.

            For the first two weeks, before Edward started working, we saw each other almost every day. I joined him and his mother when he went to buy furniture, including a bed, which was totally weird. He and Esme kept talking about how he needed a large bed. I tried to wander away because I didn't want her thinking about me rolling around in the bed with him. I also couldn't think about anything else as we looked at bed frames, with headboards that would be great to hold onto and mattresses that were almost as large as my entire studio apartment.

            I had asked him what his parents thought about us dating and he'd laughed. "Are you kidding? They love you."

            We were sitting on the couch. He had his arm around me and I pulled my feet up, putting my arms around my knees. "That wasn't my question. What do they think think about us?"

            "Bella, they're thrilled that we're dating. They think it's great that I finally realized how wonderful you are."

            "They aren't freaked out?"

            He pulled me closer against his side, laughing. "B, I'm only four years older than you. It's not a huge difference."

            "Did you just hear yourself?" I snorted at him.

            "Shut up," he teased.

            "I wish you had known that years ago, Edward."

            "Watch it, Swan." He started rubbing my head with his knuckles. Soon, I was laughing too hard to worry about his parents anymore.

            For the most part, we avoided any discussion of our relationship. We simply jumped into things full force, except for the sex part. It was like we were both afraid if we rushed into bed it would change things. To be honest, it probably would. We'd known each other for years, but we were still getting to know each other as adults. I had a slight advantage because I'd been watching him from afar for years, but we were both learning new things about each other every day.

            He had known that my favorite ice cream was mint chocolate chip and that I was a Diet Coke girl; I would only drink Diet Pepsi as a last resort. Like if I was dying of thirst. He hadn't known that I was afraid of dragon flies; they freaked me out the way they dive bombed people. Or that if I came across _A Few Good Men_ or _Last of the Mohicans_ while looking for something to watch on TV, I had to watch them. For Edward, I learned it was the same with _Independence Day_ and _American Pie_ , but only the original.

            I had known that he alphabetized his books and CDs and that his favorite band was Dave Matthews. I knew that he wanted to work in an emergency room. He wanted some experience in a big city hospital but wanted eventually to move to a smaller town, just not one as small as Forks. I hadn't know that he was that he organized his closet by both color and season or that he had a habit of drinking orange juice directly from the jug. Those weren't really important things, but they're things you learn about someone in a long relationship. The fact that we didn't know those types of things made us both a little hesitant.

            Edward's first week of residency was a rude awakening. His first shift was eighteen hours with only twelve hours off before he had to be back at the hospital. He worked over eighty hours that week, and it set the tone for the insane schedule that was to come. He'd explained to me the week before there had been a well known research project showing that residents who worked upwards of one-hundred hours a week were more likely to make mistakes. Most hospitals, he explained, had begun to follow the recommendation that residents shouldn't work more than eighty-hours a week on average in four weeks.

            I had looked at him stupidly when he finished telling me about it. Of course people working over a hundred hours a week made mistakes! I didn't need to do a research project and I could have told you that. His whole description of the hours that would be required of him made me think that his moving home might not have changed anything for us. He was going to be so busy that I would never see him. He and Emmett had talked about the hours before, and I watched Grey's Anatomy religiously, so I knew what to expect, but it was totally different when it became my reality.

            His first week of residency also fell during my boss's vacation, so I closed the store each night and worked over-time. It had sounded like a great idea when I agreed to it, keeping busy during Edward's first week. When the time actually arrived we were both tired and cranky which lead to short tempers and self-important attitudes, followed by flowery and apologetic texts. About ten days after he began working, he had his first large stretch of time off, something like twenty-two hours, and I found him dead asleep in my bed when I got home from work.

            There was a half drunk cup of coffee from Starbucks on the small bar that separated my kitchen from the rest of the apartment. I put my hand around the cup and it was cool to the touch. It, and Edward, had been there a while. I set my things down quietly and hung my raincoat on the back of a bar stool, wanting nothing more than to climb in bed and fall asleep next to him. I knew if I did though, we would sleep away our time together.

            Sitting on the edge of my bed, I ran my fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. He murmured in his sleep and snuggled his face farther into my pillow. I pulled the sheet back and sat for a moment looking at his strong back before I could force myself to move. With a sigh, I turned and put my hands on his shoulders, using my thumbs to press into the knots in his muscles. He groaned into his pillow, and I chuckled.

            "Like that, Doc?"

            "Fuck. I love it," he groaned again. I moved both hands to a particularly tight spot and kneaded his shoulder. "Oh, shit, yeah right there." He turned his head to the side, and although his eyes were closed, I could see that he was smiling. "You're really good at that."

            "I had the same teacher you did."

            "I don't want to think about that."

            "What?" I laughed. "Emmett teaching me to give back rubs?"

            "No, Emmett's hands on you," he mumbled before sitting up. He scrubbed his face with his hands and turned to me with a grin. "Hi. I fell asleep waiting for you to get home."

            I raised an eyebrow. "Did you really try to wait up for me?"

            He sighed. "Not really, but I didn't intend to sleep that long."

            "Aw. You're exhausted," I said, putting my arms around him. "I don't know how you've been doing it."

            "I don't know either. I just keep moving and drinking coffee. I'm going to get an ulcer."

            I tucked my nose into his neck as he pulled me into his lap. "Wow," I laughed. "You need a shower."

            "Yeah, I fell asleep before that happened too," he said sounding sad.

            "Come on." I stood and pulled him up. "Get in the shower and I'll call for food."

            "Come with me." He kissed across my chin and over to my ear, gently tugging on my earlobe with his teeth.

            "Mmm, maybe next time," I said trying to convince both of us as my hands ran up his back.

            Then we were kissing, his tongue doing devilish things to my mouth while one hand cupped my breast and the other tightened on my ass.

            Finally, we stopped for breath and we stood together, hearts racing and eyes dazed. "I'll be a gentleman," he whispered next to my ear and it sent a shiver through my body.

            "You'll be a gentleman. A very naked gentleman," I laughed.

            "Don't forget aroused," he chuckled, knowing I was standing my ground.

            "Do you really want our first time to be in the shower because you stink of hospital and sweat?"

            "Not when you put it that way," he snorted. He sighed, dropping his head on my shoulder for a second before meeting my eyes. "I'm not trying to rush you. I just don't need any more convincing. We're good together." He pushed some hair behind my ear. "If we hadn't known each other for so long, we both know we'd already be sleeping together."

            "We would not!" I laughed. "Okay, maybe we would," I said quickly in response to his raised brow.

            "But you are probably right," he sighed.

            "Wait, I need to record that."

            "Funny. You're right that I don't want to just get it over with; I just don't need prom night and roses, if you know what I mean. I'd rather make fireworks with you than watch them before hand to set the mood."

            "Did you really just say that?" I smiled and teased him.

            He shrugged and grinned. "I suppose there's a better way to say it; I'm just too tired to think of it."

            "I know." I stood on my toes and gave him a quick kiss. "And I know what you meant. Let's work on keeping you from falling asleep on your feet."

            "Sex would wake me up." He sounded serious but he was trying really hard not to smile.

            I smacked his butt. "Get in the shower. Pizza or Chinese?" I asked, stepping away from him and grabbing my messenger bag to dig out my phone.

            He grabbed my hand and pulled me back for another hard kiss. "Surprise me," he said over his shoulder as he stepped into the bathroom, already pushing his shorts down to tease me with the top of his ass; bastard.

            After his shower, we ate Chinese food for dinner, sharing our garlic chicken and Mu Shu pork. We cleaned up the take-out containers and started to watch a movie. As I expected, Edward fell asleep before the opening credits were finished.

            It was the first of many a nights we'd spend together like that, where in the end, I could only be thankful for our time together before he disappeared into the hospital again- gone for days at a time.


	9. Can't Fight This Feeling

            Edward and I knew we had chemistry, that was undeniable. We were also both old enough to know that with our long history of practically being siblings and our friendship, sex would complicate things. My biggest fear was ridiculous, but really, it was unavoidable. I was worried about how awkward things would be with our whole group of friends if Edward and I ever broke up. I didn't want them to have to choose between us. If they didn't choose, how difficult would it be for me to sit across a table from Edward with his friends and family and not just be imagining, but know – intimately – what his 'O' face looked like.

            The thought of sitting somewhere with our family and friends, imagining him making that face with another woman underneath him - I didn't think I could stand it. However, the reality of it all was, even without sex, we had crossed a line in our relationship where everyone would be uncomfortable if things didn't work out.

            As the weeks went on, Edward's crazy schedule at the hospital didn't get any better. We were adjusting to it and getting used to taking advantage of small windows of time together. He'd told me that he was ready for us to move forward in our relationship and I was too. The trick was actually finding time when we were both awake or not running out the door to work. In the end, our first time making love was following a long work day and take out dinner from Panevino Trattoria. Edward had known me far too long not to realize that the way to my heart was through my stomach. Hell, I'd been ready to lie down on the table for him when he opened the lid on the appetizer; I saw that he'd gotten us the marinated portobello mushrooms, but I held myself back. I also restrained myself from eating too much of the penne with pesto sauce so that I didn't wind up in a food coma.

            After we put the left-overs away and cleaned up the kitchen, I headed for the living room to relax. He grabbed my hand, stopping me when our arms stretched between us. Standing in the entrance to the hallway, he waited for me to look back at him. When I met his eyes I knew what they were asking, and I was tired of saying no to something that I wanted so badly. I smiled, and he grinned before tugging at my hand to lead me to his bedroom.

            There were very few words as we kissed and slowly undressed each other. It was romantic and sweet, but spontaneous as well. He didn't stop and turn on his iPod or light candles. The only light was from the full moon through the curtains.

            We had done pretty much everything besides have sex. There's something to be said for spending hours lying together kissing, learning each other's bodies, but nothing compared to the feeling of this. Our bodies joined and moving together, his weight on top of me and the slide of our damp skin against each other's limbs. He knew exactly where to touch me as he rocked his hips in a rhythm that drove me crazy. I knew the spots to kiss that made him shiver and the words that would push him over the edge. Afterwards, we lay together, catching our breath, as he gently rubbed my back

            "Well, we've done it now," he said quietly, his chest shaking with laughter he was trying to hide.

            "Yes. We have."

            "There's no going back."

            "Nope. We should probably just do it again then," I said, trying to sound serious as I climbed up to straddle his waist. Leaning forward to kiss him, I let my hair fall around my face and lightly trail across his shoulders. "Mmm...Why did we wait so long to do it in the first place?"

            "Because we're stupid; stupid grown-ups who worry too much," he chuckled as his hands found their way to my ass to give it a little squeeze. "Now are you going to have your way with me?"

            As I rolled my hips against his, I felt how ready he was for round two but I sat up again and gently ran my fingers down his chest. "That really sounds great, but we should set the alarm first."

            "You plan on fucking for another four hours?" he laughed. "I like the way you think."

            "No," I said, lightly slapping his arm. "You couldn't stay up for another four hours if we tried to fuck for that long!"

            "Did you just say fuck?"

            "Stop it. Grown-ups, my ass," I laughed.

            "Your ass is awesome."

            "Set the alarm, Edward."

            He groaned and tried to give me a dirty look, but we were both naked, so to me, it was just hot. Sitting up suddenly, he flipped us around so he was leaning over me to grab the clock. Pressing some buttons, he set the alarm, pausing to kiss me several times in the process.

            "Now, where were we?" he asked as he set the clock down. His hands found my breasts and he grinned.

            "Was it here?"

            His fingers teased my nipples as he kissed his way down my chest. After paying equal attention to each of my breasts with his lips and tongue, his weight shifted and he scooted down to kiss my stomach.

            "Here?" he asked, then swirled his tongue around my belly button.

            His hands slid over my hips and down to my thighs as he moved even lower, settling between my legs.

            I couldn't take my eyes off him as he licked his lips and sighed.

            "It was here, wasn't it?"

            He didn't actually wait for an answer before his mouth was on me, his tongue doing wicked things to my most sensitive parts. I'm sure I cried out yes, but it had nothing to do with his question.

            Eventually we slept, but not for long. I had no idea how Edward looked refreshed and wide awake after a quick shower. He kissed me sweetly while I stayed curled up in his bed then went back to the hospital, before the sun came up.

            0)~~'~~,~~~

            The fall was steadily disappearing and Edward and I were still living between our two apartments, though mostly I was going to see him. The thought of Edward driving farther than he had to after one of his marathon shifts unnerved me, so I found myself at his place several nights a week.

            Following their engagement, Rose had moved in with Emmett, and by extension Tyler. She was doing her best to keep Alice occupied while I focused on Edward. It wasn't that I was becoming one of those women who dumped her friends as soon as she got a boyfriend, but Alice and Jasper lived together and had similar work schedules. Edward was working such crazy hours that I felt like I hardly got to see him, and when he wasn't working he was barely able to keep his eyes open. Sometimes that meant making him breakfast when he came off a night shift, and sometimes it meant waking up in the middle of the night when he came home wired, after working on an interesting case or procedure. I had to be flexible and since Emmett was working the same crazy hours as Edward, Rose made herself available to Alice.

            We were all so busy that if felt like we never got to spend time together as a group anymore, and in reality, we didn't. Our schedules varied widely that it tended to just be two or three of us getting together at a time. So when we realized we all had a corresponding Friday night off, it was cause for celebration. Both Edward and Emmett were off for sixteen hours and the rest of our schedules had somehow aligned as well. We sat scattered in Alice and Jasper's living room catching up and eating a spread of pizza and hot wings.

            Alice was telling Emmett about a new band that she thought he would like. Suddenly, while she was looking up on her phone what club they were playing at, she started squealing, loud enough to make Emmett cover his ears.

            "What the fuck, Alice?"

            "Oh my god! You're not going to believe this!" She looked around excitedly as if we already knew what she was going to tell us and should be equally excited. "The wedding expo started today. I can't believe I forgot!"

            She was positively vibrating with energy, while we looked at her in dismay. It was silent for a second, then Jasper's drawl broke the tension.

            "That sounds like a lot of fun, sugar, for you and me, but I'm not so sure Emmett and Edward want to spend their night off talking to caterers and D.J's. We could go tomorrow."

            "Ugh. No, Alice. I just want to hang out with everyone here," Emmett whined. "We were going to have some beers and relax. I'll let you get out your fucking board games, anything else that you want to do."

            "But Rose needs to talk to caterers and pick out bridesmaid dresses! Right, Rose?" Alice's voice was still an octave higher than normal with excitement. "And, oh my god, Bella, you can help us decide. This is so great! I didn't know when we were going to get a chance to all go together, and this way Emmett will be there too! It's perfect."

            I glanced at Edward, who hadn't said a word. He was watching me, his face a little tense but unreadable. The corner of my mouth lifted, and I couldn't help but grin at him.

            "Want to go taste wedding cake with me?"

            He smiled back and I knew he was okay. "Miss Swan, I thought you'd never ask."

            And so, on our first big night out all together since the boys started residency, Edward and I pretended to be planning a wedding. At first I was worried that we were going to be uncomfortable, but when we walked into the exhibit hall, Edward put his hand on the small of my back and escorted me in like it was the most normal thing in the world. Alice stopped at the first table to point out to Rose and Emmett the highs and lows of that particular banquet center.

            Edward had moved behind me, and I felt him lean closer and whisper in my ear, "Your ring is being sized and we're waiting until I finish residency to get married. Remind me where we got engaged?"

            I leaned back into his chest and giggled. "In the meadow, silly, the one behind your parent's house."

            "I've always liked that meadow."

            "Me too."

            He squeezed my waist and kissed the top of my head. "We can do this. It will be fun."

            We followed Alice to the next booth, where she talked to a D.J. about his sound system as if she was an electronics expert. Emmet looked at her like she'd grown three heads and Jasper just chuckled.

            "Just let her go, Emmett. She's been researching everything related to weddings since before you got engaged."

            I snorted. "Since she was twelve, you mean."

            Everyone laughed in agreement and Rose asked Alice if they could just use an iPod with a good stereo system. Jasper stood behind Alice, shaking his head at our friend.

            "Rosalie Hale, I know you just said that to upset me. We're going to pretend like you didn't say that." She gave Rose a hard look and then smiled at the rest of us, back to being our personal wedding planner. "Now, there's a banquet hall that has a waterfall on the grounds that I want you to see. I saw their booth over here," she said as she began maneuvering her tiny body through the crowd.

            Edward and I managed to get lost in the crowd and leisurely made our way through the expo, sampling wedding cake and talking to caterers. We kind of got into it for a while, even having a heated debate over whether or not you should offer a fish in addition to beef and chicken at a reception. When Alice finally found us, we were sitting on a bench sipping coffee, talking about our plans for the following week.

            "Excuse me," she huffed, and I fully expected her to stomp her tiny high heel clad foot. "You may not be getting married yet, but others are and there are decisions to be made."

            I was about to make a comment about her implying we were getting married, but Edward spoke first, giving her a blank look.

            "And we're involved in these decisions how?"

            "Emmett is discussing gray tuxedos with tails. I can only do so much, Edward. You have to help me out here or you're going to be wearing a fucking top hat, and there will be nothing I can do. And you," she said turning her head towards me. "You're going to end up looking like a hooker if you don't get over there and talk to Rose about dresses."

            "You'll have to wear the same thing," I muttered.

            "And I'll make it work, but I don't want to. Now," she raised an eyebrow at us, "ready to join the rest of the class?"

            I laughed and Edward groaned as we stood and allowed her to lead us back into to chaos of brides. I knew that Rose was probably ready to pull her own hair out, and Emmett was probably trying to find an escape route out of the expo. After all they had done for me over the past couple of years, I owed them. The least I could do was talk bridesmaid dresses and steer Emmett towards more appropriate tuxedos. I squeezed Edward's hand and we spent the rest of the night focused on Rose and Emmett's wedding, laughing and joking with our best friends.

            Around Thanksgiving I had a run of several interviews that I thought went very well, but I knew that with the holidays approaching, I might not hear back from them until the New Year.

            I began spending more and more time at Edward's condo and it became more obvious that it wasn't just his laundry that he was struggling to get done. Edward had always been very tidy; his room growing up had been spotless. So at first, when I was dropping in for a night here and there, I just thought he was had been busy and hadn't had a chance to clean, but as the mail began to pile up and the refrigerator never seemed to have anything in it besides milk and beer, I started to worry.

            He never asked for help, in fact, he seemed so tired most of the time that he was oblivious to how fast things seemed to be going down hill in his daily life. He came home later and later, and I knew it was because he was reviewing charts, studying procedures, and picking the brains of the other doctors whenever he could.

            As the days went on it became apparent that he was struggling to do more than survive outside of the hospital. When I talked to Rose she said Emmett was in the same boat, but luckily they lived together, so she was keeping things afloat. I found myself making more of an effort to clean while I was at Edward's and do little chores that he was neglecting. I made casseroles so he would have leftovers to eat throughout the week and I tried to make sure he had fresh fruit in the house for snacks. I tried not to hover too much or seem too parental, but I was worried about him.

            Working retail meant that my schedule was a little crazy too. The store was open seven days a week and my shifts varied anywhere from opening at 7 a.m. to closing and clean-up at 11pm. I was working full time so I had two days off each week. They weren't necessarily two days in a row, but it was more time off than Edward had.

            In mid-December, I had a rare two days off in a row and I was going to spend a couple of days with him—well, at his place anyway. He had a big flat screen T.V. and his own washer and dryer. Plus I'd be there waiting when ever he made it home; it had been his idea actually.

            Even though I was trying to set some boundaries and not interfere too much with Edward's living situation, I broke down when he hadn't opened any of his mail in over a week. I knew his bills were piling up and that he had plenty of money to pay them, and I couldn't just let them sit there anymore on his breakfast bar. I felt a little like I was invading his privacy somehow—I guess I was—but I took his checkbook out of the desk and wrote out checks for his bills, leaving Edward to simply sign them and seal the envelopes. We were going to have to have a talk about putting his regular bills on autopay.

            I was reading a book while I waited for him when I heard his key in the door. He came inside and dropped his keys on the counter with an exhausted sigh. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, he took a long swallow before he pulled his shirt off and started to strip out of his clothes as he made his way out of the kitchen.

            "Edward," I said quietly. I wanted him to know I was there, but I didn't want to scare him.

            He stopped mid-stride, almost stumbling, and his wide eyes met mine.

            "Fuck." He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled with a chuckle. "I didn't see your car."

            "Did you forget I was coming?" I smiled. He was adorable in his confusion with his crazy hair and sexy five o'clock shadow.

            "I forgot it was today. Wait..." He cocked his head and furrowed his brows. "I have no idea what day it is. That's the problem." He snorted and shook his head, finally grinning at me. "You scared the shit out of me."

            "I'm sorry." I stood and set down my book before walking over to him. Putting my arms around him, I gently rubbed his back. "How was your day?"

            His head fell to my shoulder. "Long." He took a deep breath and I felt his chest expand and then contract as he exhaled. "I got to stand in on a quadruple by-pass today...but he coded on the table."

            "Oh, Edward," I sighed, hugging him a little tighter and then rubbing his back in sympathy.

            It wasn't the first patient he'd lost, but he still struggled with each one. Was there something he could have done differently? Had he missed something in his examination or preparation for the procedure? I wasn't sure if a person should ever get used to death, but I hoped, for his sake, that he could learn to live with it a little easier.

            "I went back over everything. I don't think we could have done anything differently."

            "It was his time then," I said quietly.

            He snorted and lifted his head, rolling his eyes at me. "That is so cliché."

            I shrugged. "He's in a better place."

            Through tired eyes, Edward looked at me like I was crazy.

            "He had a good life," I continued, trying hard not to laugh. "He'll always be watching over you."

            "Oh. My. God," he laughed, finally getting it. "Are you making death jokes?"

            "Ummm... Yeah?" I said, sort of squinting in uncertainty. "I was trying to make you feel better, or not think about it or something."

            He grinned, shaking his head. "I lo-..." he started, but stopped himself. "You're amazing. Do you know that? And if I wasn't so fucking tired, I'd show you just how amazing you are."

            "Wow. You're that tired?" I teased, trying to cover up for the fact that I realized he'd just had to stop himself from telling me he loved me. I think we both knew we loved each other; we were just building up to saying it. Kind of like the sex. It was another hurdle we were easing over. At least I was.

            "Sadly," he said, lightly running his hands up and down my arms. "I'm _that_ tired. I do, however, have a full twelve hours off. That's plenty of time for me to rest up and then worship your awesomeness."

            I laughed and settled deeper into his arms, running my nose along his neck. "One condition: you shower before climbing into bed. You smell like hospital."

            "I think it's in my pores," he sighed, sounding dejected and exhausted.

            "I'm sure it is. Just go scrub off the surface, and I'll meet you in bed."

            When he nodded and headed towards the bathroom without another word, I knew he was dead tired. Sure, he'd said he was exhausted, but I still expected him to try to convince me to shower with him. The fact that he hadn't spoke volumes.

            The water stayed on for far too long in the bathroom and I went to check on Edward, afraid he'd fallen asleep in the shower. He hadn't, but he was standing under the spray, his forehead leaning on the wall, letting the water pound on his back.

            "Edward?" I asked quietly. "Come to bed."

            He sort of nodded and his arm reached over, fumbling to turn the water off. I grabbed his towel off of the hook and handed it to him before going back to the bedroom and climbing in bed. He joined me a few minutes later, his hair still wet and his skin goosepebbled from the cool air. He set his alarm and snuggled in bed behind me, putting an arm around my waist. I took his hand in mine, twining our fingers together in front of my chest.

            "Are you okay?" I whispered into the darkness.

            He sighed, his breath tickling my neck. "I'm just exhausted."

            I didn't say anything more, I just held onto him and tried to relax as I felt his chest rise and fall against my back and listened to the sound of his breathing.

            When I was almost asleep he held me a little tighter, and I squeezed his hand to let him know I was still awake.

            "Bella," he whispered, then paused. I held my breath wondering what he would say, then he continued, even more quietly, "I don't think I can do this without you."

            My breath caught, his words breaking my heart a little and making me fall for him even more. Sighing, I remembered the night that he and Emmett had rescued me from the diner and my disastrous date with James. He said he'd always come and get me. If I hadn't realized it before, his whispered words against my skin confirmed what I knew in my heart. I would do anything for Edward and be anywhere he needed me to be. Not saying we loved each other didn't mean I didn't feel it.

            I lifted our joined hands to my mouth and kissed the back of his hand before whispering, "I'm not going anywhere, Edward."

            "Thank you."

            He kissed the back of my neck and settled behind me, his breathing slowing down and evening out. He was asleep within minutes. I laid there, suddenly awake thinking that maybe, just maybe, I saved Edward just as much as he saved me.


	10. Bad Medicine

            A week after I stepped in and paid Edward's bills, I was offered a job in the admissions office at Seattle Pacific University. It started the week after New Years and involved me making sure prospective students sent in complete applications with all of the required documents and transcripts. It was a step below being an admissions counsellor, but I had to admit the idea of working with students who were applying for college excited me.

            It couldn't have happened at a better time. My six month lease had run out and I was renting month to month. A full time job meant that I could move out of the tiny studio and find something larger or if I was being honest, I was kind of hoping I could move in with Edward. It was logical, after all. I mean, I spent almost half of my time there anyway. I just had to figure out how to bring it up with him.

            I got the offer on Monday and on Wednesday I spent the day Edward's, who had moved into his first emergency room rotation. I woke to the sound of water running in the bathroom and stretched as I glanced at the clock. It was 3:17 a.m. and Edward needed to be back in the E.R. by nine. I fell back to sleep while he finished getting ready for bed and woke when he curled up behind me, pulling me into his arms.

            "Mmmm…Hey, Doc."

            "Hey."

            "You worked late. Was it good or bad?"

            "Big accident on the highway," he mumbled.

            "Oh, that sucks."

            "Yeah, we were slammed."

            I sighed. Thanks to my countless hours of watching _Grey's Anatomy_ , that was really all he needed to say. I didn't need to hear about the internal injuries or the compound fractures, at least not at three in the morning; any other time I would have been more than willing to listen.

            "I love coming home when you're here," he whispered. "Otherwise I feel disconnected from reality. It's just me and the hospital, you know? But when you're here I remember there's another world out there."

            I bit my lip, wondering if I should just come out and ask him. We hadn't said we loved each other yet; did that make it too soon to mention moving in? I rolled over and he opened his eyes, grinning at me. He smelled of shower gel and a hint of hospital. Being so busy meant that he didn't have time to get his hair cut, so it was wet and long, sticking out in all directions as well as falling into his eyes. It was pretty adorable.

            "Would you want to come home to me every night?"

            "Of course," he said, sitting up to lean on his elbow. "What are you thinking?"

            I snorted a little. "I'm thinking I got a job, so I can get a decent place...or I could move in here. We'll probably be together every night anyway." I shrugged.

            "You want to move in?" He sounded surprised, but even in the sort of gray light of his bedroom, I could tell his eyes were sparkling with excitement.

            "Do you want me to move in?"

            "Yeah," he said like it was a given. "Of course, I just thought you would think it was too soon, so I wasn't going to bring it up."

            "It is kind of soon," I sighed, questioning myself.

            "No, don't," he said, recognizing the doubt in my eyes. "I'd love to have you here. I think we're ready for it. I mean, I just won't be here a lot. I don't want you to feel neglected or taken for granted."

            I sat up a little, mimicking his posture and leaning on my own arm. "I know that. I can't promise that I won't get frustrated, but I think that might be good - you being gone and working crazy hours - we'd both still get time to ourselves when the other was at work."

            "You've been thinking about this, haven't you?"

            "A little."

            "How long?"

            I laughed. "Honestly? It's been a couple of months but the clincher was when I wrote out your bills."

            "I figured." He ran a hand through his hair. "Bella, I'd like to think things can't get worse than that, but I know they can, and they probably will, whether you're here or not." He sighed and leaned forward so our foreheads touched. "You know what I'm going to ask."

            I grimaced a little. "What about Charlie?"

            He nodded. "What about your dad?"

            "I don't think he's going to be thrilled but really, Edward, what can he do? We're adults, and more than that, you're my future. Nothing he could say would change that. I don't see why we should wait to start a future together."

            "Is that what we're doing?"

            "That's what I'm doing. Is it what you're doing?" I tried not to sound worried.

            "Yes, Bella, that's what we're doing." He laughed and kissed me slowly, convincing me again with his lips and tongue that his _everything_ meant the same thing to both of us.

            We kissed for a few minutes, his hand finding its way up my back and into my hair, then he pulled away and sighed. I kept my eyes closed, just feeling the heat in my cheeks and the pounding of my heart, until I heard his voice,

            "What about your lease?"

            I ran a finger over his collarbone idly; his body always distracted me. "After six months it turned into a month to month lease, so it's no problem. Even with the holidays I have to be out in two weeks, or I have to pay for all of next month."

            "That's dumb." He grabbed my finger and wrapped his hand around mine. "What if you didn't have anywhere to move to?"

            I shrugged and pulled our hands closer to me. "Then I wouldn't move out til I found a place. They aren't kicking me out."

            "They could spend a few weeks fixing your place up before renting it; making people stay til the end of a month is ridiculous."

            He shook his head and I knew that he was sorting out the problems with the logic behind the policy. It was just the way his mind worked; when systems that people had in place didn't seem logical he would try to explain to everyone what was wrong with the process or policy and how it could be implemented more effectively. It usually ended in Emmett making ridiculous comments and threatening to call whoever the offending party was to tell them about Edward's remedy. There was also usually a lot of laughter and Rose made jokes about a stick up Edward's ass.

            I squeezed his hand and asked quietly, "That's really what you're going to think about right now?"

            His eyes got wide for a second and then his mouth turned up into a boyish smile. Busted.

            "Right." He nodded and then smiled even brighter. "So when will you move in? I can trade to get two shifts off in a row...We'll have to plan with Emmett too, so we can use his truck and his brute strength."

            "Are you trying to get out of doing the heavy lifting?"

            "Yes," he snorted, then rolled over on top of me, kissing and tickling until I was screaming in laughter and trying to get away from him.

            When he finally let up, I was gasping for breath but grinning wildly at the thought of sharing a bed with him every night, at least every night that he wasn't at the hospital. I was still trapped underneath him, his breath just as ragged as mine. His eyes were soft as he smiled down at me.

            "I love you." His words were quiet but powerful. We watched each other for just a second before I put my hands on each side of his face, pulling him towards me.

            "I love you, too."

            "I know." He smirked.

            "Jerk!" I laughed at him and put my arms around his back, squeezing him a little.

            His face grew serious after his little joke. "I know you love me, and I know you were trying not to make a big deal of it, or you were afraid of how I would react. I'm sorry it took me so long to get over my shit. Sometimes I'm so pissed at myself for losing so much time with you."

            "Edward," I sighed. "You know what? I think, even though it was painful at the time, everything happened the way it should have. How would we have dated with you across the country? We certainly couldn't have been doing this all the time." I wiggled my hips and chuckled. "We can't undo the past."

            "I know, but..." he trailed off, still serious.

            "No 'buts'. We just move forward from here."

            "I like the way that sounds." He smiled a little dreamily, or maybe that was me projecting.

            "I _love_ the way that sounds," I teased.

            "Smart ass," he muttered, before kissing me again.

            )~~'~~,~~~

            In the end, coordinating time off with two medical residents was a nightmare, especially the week before Christmas. Emmett, Rose and I moved most of my things while Edward was at the hospital. Between two twelve hour shifts, Edward stumbled like a zombie through the maze of boxes. He was too tired to do much of anything but, with Alice and Jasper's help, I managed to get everything unpacked.

            I felt a little strange trying to make all of my things fit into Edward's space, but in reality, he hadn't fully unpacked either. I found labeled boxes in the guest room closet that had been put away unopened when he moved in; I enlisted Alice to help me unpack those too. My week off between jobs had been a blur of packing and unpacking, cleaning and reorganizing the condo.

            As expected, my mother had almost no reaction to the fact that I was moving in with Edward. She gave me an, 'Oh that sounds nice. Glad you two are happy,' and then told me another story about Phil's team and some locker room prank. Surprisingly, my father had taken the news quite well. When I asked him if he was feeling all right, he'd just laughed.

            "Bells, I was married to your mom for a few years; I know how you women work. Telling you that I want to grab Edward by the balls and hold a gun to his head while I threaten his life if he hurts you, is only going to push you away. I know this, you know this, and that sneaky Cullen that's weaseled his way into your pants better know it too."

            "Dad," I laughed. "I know you're serious, so does Edward. Oh, and for the record - I willingly opened my pants."

            "Jesus Christ, Isabella-"

            "Night, Charlie!" I called and hung up before he could say anything else.

            Christmas was sort of a blur with moving, getting ready for a new job and Edward only having Christmas Day off. The Cullens and my dad came down to Seattle because the boys couldn't make it home. Esme took over Emmett and Rose's kitchen and cooked her usual spread. Normally after dinner we played board games and cards, but since we were at his place, Emmett insisted that we play Guitar Hero and Wii.

            At one point in the evening, Esme pulled me aside. With tears in her eyes, she told me she was in my debt for making Edward so happy. I'd blushed, ducking my head, saying that Edward was the one who brought me happiness. She looked at me for a second like she wanted to argue, then pulled me into her arms laughing.

            When we went home that night, Edward and I exchanged gifts. There were only a couple of things left under our tree; we gathered them up and sat on the floor facing each other. First, I handed him a small envelope, and he opened the gift card for the hospital coffee shop. He laughed at my contribution to his caffeine addiction before handing me a small gift bag with snowmen on it. I reached inside and pulled out a Duke t-shirt. I rolled my eyes and made a joke about only wearing it for him. I was still laughing, the shirt draped across my chest, when he handed me a small box. I froze, looking at it in my hands.

            "Edward," I whispered. It was a small box, but not small enough for a ring. "Tiffany's?" I was a big fan of their classic designs, but had never been willing to buy a piece for myself. I just couldn't justify it, even as a splurge.

            "You haven't even opened it yet. Maybe that's not what it really is." He raised an eyebrow, teasing.

            I rolled my eyes at him, pulling the ribbon and opening the box. Inside was a blue pouch nestled in cotton. I opened it and let the silver pour into my hand.

            "It's beautiful," I murmured, looking down at a bracelet pooled in my hand. It was simple, with thick links and an infinity symbol opposite the clasp.

            Edward lifted it from my hand while I was still admiring it, spellbound. He put it around my wrist, hooking the clasp. Sitting back, we both admired it.

            "Wow," I said, still overwhelmed. It wasn't that I was expecting a ring, because I wasn't; I didn't think either of us were ready for that. No one, other than my father, had ever bought me jewelry.

            "Edward, thank you so much. I love it!" I leaned forward and kissed him quickly, suddenly anxious for him to open his other gift.

            "You're very welcome," he murmured as I handed him the box. He grinned, shaking it next to his ear like a little kid. Thank god for the secure factory packaging.

            He took his time opening it, slowly peeling the paper back to reveal a new iPod. He shook his head, giving me a wry smile, no doubt remembering the night when his old iPod died.

            _He sat down at his desk to study, putting in his ear buds and opening a thick medical book. I heard him mutter a little, then he was cursing and clicking the wheel on is iPod like if he clicked it enough it would do what he wanted. He even smacked the music player on his palm a couple of times before he looked up to see my astonished face. He held my eyes for a second, and then groaned, putting his head in his hands. I couldn't be sure if he was laughing or crying._

            _I walked over and put my arms around him and he grabbed on tightly, sighing. He'd had a long week at the hospital working with an attending physician who seemed to hate him, giving him the lion's share of the grunt and scut work. He had a new patient with a rare blood disorder and he'd just wanted to sit down with his music and learn all he could to impress the attending, but his iPod wouldn't even turn on. It was the last straw and he'd just lost it._

            I grinned at him as he admired the new iPod. "It's not loaded, but that doesn't take too long. I know you've missed yours."

            "I have. I've just been too busy to replace it."

            "You? Busy?" I teased.

            He laughed and pulled me into his arms so I was sitting in his lap. His hands smoothed gently over my back and I ran my fingers through his hair.

            After a few seconds, he sighed. "I love you, Bella. Thank you for a great Christmas."

            "I love you, too," I whispered back.

            He'd already left for work by the time I woke up the next morning. I had until January second to settle into the condo before I started my new job. I kept busy, unpacking and putting away holiday decorations. Edward worked his normal hours, which meant that I rarely saw him, but he texted me and left me notes on the pillow letting me know how glad he was that I had moved in. After my first day of work, he brought me a fresh fruit arrangement; he got the one he knew I loved with chocolate covered apples and strawberries in it.

            My job turned out to be pretty amazing, and even though I was closer in age to the interns in our office than the other staff, I found myself making friends. A couple of women took me under their wings like a daughter, which was cool since I hadn't really had a mother in years, besides Esme. The younger staff members also liked that they were no longer the youngest. Everyone seemed to enjoy training the new girl and giving me their grunt work, but I was enjoying my first official taste of having a grown-up job.

            I'd adjusted to Edward's schedule and started spending more time with Alice and Rose while he was working. When he was home, he was sleeping, studying, or falling asleep while studying. There was a pattern; we rarely did anything besides watch movies or grab take-out food. We couldn't really do more than that because of the crazy hours Edward was keeping and the fact that he'd developed the talent of falling asleep within seconds anywhere.

            Miraculously, we didn't fight. I did my best not to count on him being around and kept myself busy. I kept waiting for us to argue or fight the way countless couples on television had, but it just hadn't happened; things were going well between us.

            I knew that eventually the time would come when Edward was late for something important. It was inevitable really, but I was still completely taken aback when it happened. It was a beautiful spring Friday, and I'd packed for both of us, including snacks for the long trip up to Forks. I was just waiting for him to get home and shower so we could get on the road. He wasn't home when he said he would be, but that wasn't all that unusual and we weren't in a huge rush.

            The clock ticked by and he was an hour late. I called his phone, but it went straight to voice mail. I packed the car, making sure to carefully hang his garment bag in the back seat so he could change quickly somewhere. I waited.

            Then he was two hours late, and he still wasn't answering his phone.

            Another hour went by, and I was frustrated. No, I was angry, and I needed to make a decision. Did I continue to wait or leave without him? I had to get to Port Angeles for Jake and Emily's rehearsal dinner. I figured I could wait another thirty minutes and we could still make it; we just wouldn't be able to stop at his parents before we went to the restaurant. It also meant that Edward would smell like hospital and have to change clothes at a rest-stop.

            Fifteen minutes later, I broke an unwritten rule in our relationship and called the nurses desk and asked if they knew where he was. He was doing an inpatient rotation, so he had been working fairly normal hours, but he could have gotten involved in any number of things. I spoke to the charge nurse, Zafrina, who said she thought he was still at the hospital.

            "Do you need me to page him, honey?" she asked. She sounded like a sweet older woman and any other day she would have made me smile.

            "Oh, no. Definitely don't do that." Paging him was a line I was not willing to cross. I sighed. "I'll leave him a voice mail."

            "Are you all right?"

            "Oh, no. Everyone is fine. It's just..." I sighed. "We're going out of town for a wedding, and I guess I'm leaving without him."

            "Oh," she said, sounding surprised, then sad, "I'm sorry, dear."

            "Thanks. I guess, just tell him I called if you see him."

            I sat for a minute with my head in my hands, trying to get my head around what I had to do. With a deep breath, I brought his things in from the car and left him a voice mail. Thankfully Emily had chosen a bridesmaid dress that had a more loose fitting style, because I grabbed a big bag of M & M's I had hidden in case of emergency and a cold Diet Coke before getting in the car.

            The drive was tedious, but my mind was occupied. I had to wipe tears from my eyes several times, but I made it to my dad's house before he left for the Port. He was surprised to see me alone but knew not to ask any questions. I took my bags to my room, changed clothes and fixed my make-up to ride with my dad to the rehearsal. Edward hadn't called and I _so_ wasn't calling him again. I would have been worried, but I knew that if anything happened to him Alice or someone would have called me.

            Everyone was at the bar when we made it to the restaurant. Jake grinned when he saw me, and he grabbed Emily's hand before they came over to greet me. They each gave me a hug and my dad and Jake shook hands. Jake knew something was up but he didn't say a word, he just led my dad over towards Billy and some of the other guys from the res, while Emily and I joined her mother, who was talking about everything we needed to do the following day.

            After a few minutes, Emily turned to me in confusion. "Is Edward coming later? I thought you were driving up together."

            I smiled sadly, "So did I."

            "Oh," she said, understanding dawning on her face. "I'm sorry, Bella. He had an emergency or something?"

            "I'm not really sure," I said quietly, praying she stopped asking questions or I was going to cry again.

            She made a strange face, that I took to mean she felt sorry for me, then she sort of cocked her head at me. "You want to get a drink?"

            I laughed. "I would love one."

            "Let's go. My mom has everything more than under control." She rolled her eyes and I knew it was in reference to her mother.

            Emily had refused to go home to Alaska to get married and her mother had refused to pay for a wedding on the reservation. She and Jake had considered eloping but Billy had been the voice of reason. Basically, he told them that he didn't have much money to contribute to their wedding so if they wanted a caterer or a D.J. they should find a way to compromise. His only request had been that they have their union blessed by the council of elders.

            She and I sipped our drinks, chatting quietly about the plans for the next day, but eventually Jake came over and pulled her away to talk to someone else. I sighed and looked around for my dad.

            We found our seats and had a nice dinner sitting with Billy and Tiffany. I wasn't the Maid of Honor, so I didn't have to make a toast, I just had to mingle and smile. After dessert and coffee, I stood at the bar and quietly explained to Jake that Edward had gotten tied up at the hospital.

            "He'll be here for the wedding though, right?"

            I almost laughed. Jake's concerned about Edward being at his wedding was hysterical, but it was proof what a great guy he was. He'd known how I felt about Edward since we were kids and he never understood. I think even as adults he thought I was a little crazy for trusting Edward with my heart, and his absence that night was an example of why.

            I went to find my dad to tell him I was ready ready to go and found him telling Embry, Jake's best man, one of his many fishing stories. He finished up and we said our good-bye's before getting on the road. I hadn't checked my phone since we arrived at the restaurant, and when I pulled it out there were still no messages. I sighed and put my head back, closing my eyes and resting while my dad drove.

            "Bells, wake up," my dad said softly. "We're home, and there's either a homeless man on the doorstep or your boy is here."

            I blinked a few times and took a deep breath, then furrowed my brow. Edward and his bags were sitting huddled in on the stoop by the front door. I climbed out of the car and slowly walked towards the house, trying to let my dad get inside to give us some privacy. He took his time and gave Edward the stink eye on his way past.

            "Hi," I said quietly as I reached the front steps.

            "Bella, I'm so sorry," he said, stepping forward.

            I started to cry the minute his arms came around me. "Where were you?"

            "One of my patients got a kidney, so I got to scrub in on the transplant."

            I stayed in his arms but leaned back to look at his face. "Are you serious?" I shook my head in frustration. "How can I compete with that, Edward?"

            "It's not a competition, Bella," he sighed and ran a hand through is hair. "I just...I didn't realize what time it was."

            Regardless of his lifesaving reasons, I was sad and tired, angry and frustrated, and more than a little hurt that he'd stood me up. I was also glad he'd managed get to Forks, but I didn't see his car anywhere.

            "How did you get here? Why didn't you call me to say you were on the way?"

            "I paid Tyler to drive me; he doesn't have Friday classes. I didn't call because I figured you wouldn't be answering your phone, besides, I thought I needed to apologize in person."

            I nodded, he was right that this was a conversation best had in person, but I wasn't entirely sure what to say. I was torn between being pissed at him and being pleased that he made his way to Forks to join me. We stood silently for a few minutes, just the two of us outside my dad's front door, watching some moths flitting around in the glow of the porch light, until he spoke again.

            "I don't know what else to say, Bella. I'm sorry. It's not a competition. I mean I was so excited and when they asked me if I wanted to be in on the transplant; I just couldn't say no."

            "I get that, really. I mean, I want to hear all about the surgery because I'm sure it was amazing, but you could have called me and told me you'd meet me here in the morning. That's all you had to do, Edward. When did you even realize that you were late or that I'd had to leave without you? When you got my voice-mail?"

            "No, I knew before that, but I couldn't leave to call you." His arms tightened around me as he tucked his face into the crook of my neck, breathing deep the way he did when he was tired or stressed. "I am so sorry."

            "I know," I said quietly. "I can tell, but how can I be sure it's not going to happen again? This is what I've been afraid of."

            He stood straight and rubbed his face. "I know. Stupid _Grey's Anatomy_ ," he said trying to joke. "I can't say it's not going to happen again, Bells. I guess all I can say is that I love you and I don't want to lose you."

            "Edward, you're not losing me." I took his face in my hands and leaned up to give him a small kiss. "I understand that things are going to come up and you'll be late sometimes." I sighed and continued, "I'm not your wife, and part of me feels like an awful harpy for being upset about this, but I have to feel like I mean as much to you as someone's kidney. Okay? I deserve a phone call, at least."

            "Isabella, you're everything to me. Remember what you said? You're my future and I don't want you to doubt that for a second. I don't think I'll ever forget how horrible I felt on the drive up here, worrying that you wouldn't even talk to me tonight. From now on, I will call you when something comes up. I promise."

            I put my arms around him again, needing to feel him close to me. "You had better keep that promise, Doc."

            "You're still upset," he said quietly, rubbing my back.

            "It's been a long day. I feel a lot of things right now but mostly...I'm tired. Can we go inside and get some sleep? I have to be a bridesmaid tomorrow for the ten thousandth time."

            "I don't know, can we sleep? I have a feeling your dad is in there with his shotgun."

            "He probably is, but I can talk him down," I said as I stepped back. "Grab your things."

            We walked into the house and my dad didn't have a shotgun, instead he sat in his recliner and was sipped something that looked like water but I was sure was much stronger.

            "Doctor Cullen, take your things upstairs and then come have a drink with me."

            "Dad, don't," I warned.

            "Don't what? Talk with the man my little girl is shacking up with? I think Edward and I have a lot to talk about; don't you, Doc?"

            "It's fine, Bella." He gave me a small smile and I could tell he was a little nervous, but he turned and spoke in a confident voice to my father, "I'll be right back down, sir."

            Edward followed me up the stairs and set his bag down in my room. "Well, at least he didn't tell me to sleep on the couch."

            "True. That's a good sign." I snorted. "I'm going to get ready for bed. I'll see you in a little bit."

            "All right," he said, giving me a quick kiss. "I love you."

            "Love you, too. Oh, and Edward," I called as he stepped back into the hallway, "grab a beer, don't let him give you that shit he's drinking. I'd bet Billy's friends made that on the res; it's moonshine."

            "Good call," he chuckled.

            I grabbed my pajamas and toiletry bag as I heard his footsteps going down the stairs. Much later, as he crawled into bed beside me and leaned forward to kiss my forehead, I smelled on his breath the strong alcohol I had warned him about.

            "Good talk?" I chuckled.

            "Great talk," he slurred slightly. Well, that was surprising. I raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned back. "But it was super secret man to man stuff."

            "Oh, really?" I laughed, wondering how they had gotten past my dad's anger and moved to whatever had made it a _great_ conversation.

            "Yup," he said with a yawn. "But I can't tell you about it." He grinned and his eyes sparkled.

            "You're a dick," I pouted and rolled over, giving him my back.

            "But I'm the dick who loves you."

            I snorted. "I kind of love your dick, too."

            "Ha! What about the rest of me?"

            "Ask me again in the morning."

            He laughed and kissed the back of my neck as he squeezed me. "I will, I promise."

            I chuckled and rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see. It was going to take me some time to believe in his promises after the day I'd had, but I had to admit I was pleased that he seemed to be keeping it in the front of his mind.

            "Goodnight, Edward."

            "Goodnight, my future."

            "Okay, now you're being cheesy."

            "Sorry," he laughed. "Goodnight."

            "Goodnight."

            I fell asleep to the feel of him pressed against my back and his thumb tracing circles on my hand, hoping that we'd hit just a bump in the road and hadn't completely jumped off track.


	11. Spaceman

            I woke to the feel of a hand gently caressing my hip and a soft kiss on my neck. "Mmm," I murmured, snuggling back into Edward's body. "Did you just get home?"

            "No," he whispered, giving my neck a little bite. "You slept through that."

            "I did?" I still wasn't fully awake. "Is it morning?"

            "No sleepy. I had to go to the bathroom, you must have woken up when I got back in bed."

            "Hm. Okay." I reached down and took his hand off my hip, pulling it up so he was holding me tightly around my chest. "Don't let me sleep in. Big plans tomorrow."

            "Sure thing, B."

            "No, really," I managed before I drifted off again.

            We frequently had these middle of the night conversations because of his crazy work hours. It was also common for me to wake up when I felt Edward's mouth somewhere on my body - my shoulder, my breast, my thigh. He liked to surprise me; I didn't complain. In fact, I'd shocked the hell out of him a couple of times in his sleep as well. When you worked opposite schedules, you had to get creative in finding ways to spend time together.

            We made it through our first summer with only a few minor fights. Edward had done a great job of keeping his word since the debacle of Jake's wedding weekend. He did his best to call or text when he was going to be late. Sometimes he couldn't, if he was in the middle of a procedure or something, and I understood that, but he made sure that got in touch as soon as he was able.

            We had decided that we needed to make an effort to spend more time together during the day. We compared our schedules and tried to find at least one full day each month that we could free up. I had to be creative about using my time off and he had to trade his shifts to make it work, but we did it.

            We traded off planning our monthly outings. On our last day-date, Edward had taken me to Woodinville for a day of wine tasting. What I had planned for today was closer to home, and though it seemed touristy, it was full of Edward's favorites.

            The next time I woke up, Edward was groaning in my ear and reaching over me, batting at my alarm clock, which I realized was buzzing, loudly.

            "Fuck, I hate your alarm clock," he mumbled.

            "Not everyone can wake to the sound of a pin dropping."

            "I thought we had plans. Big plans," he teased, ignoring my comment about his ability to wake up without the aide of loud noises.

            "We do," I groaned and closed my eyes. "Go shower. Wake me when you're done."

            "You take longer to get ready!" he said, incredulously.

            "I have shit to do to get us ready for the day!"

            "Like sleep?"

            "Maybe," I said, stretching out the word, teasing him.

            "So full of shit, Swan," he laughed, tickling me. He eventually carried me to the bathroom and we ended up in the shower together. It was much better than arguing over who should shower first.

            A little while later, we sipped coffee as we walked through Pike Place Market. We took our time, moving slowly from vendor to vendor, smelling herbs and looking at fresh vegetables. It was really kind of adorable. He didn't cook very much, but he loved to wander the market and people watch. He bought some freshly toasted almonds to snack on and we walked down to Waterfront Park.

            We didn't talk very much; just enjoyed the sights and our time together. Our fingers were twined together, and Edward's thumb gently rubbed my wrist whenever we took a moment to stand still. We wound up standing near the water, looking out at Bainbridge Island. Edward stood beside me and I leaned my head against his shoulder. We listened to the sounds of the water lapping on the seawall and breathed in the salty air. It was damp, but not raining, though the sky looked like it could open up at any moment.

            "You're still not going to tell me what else we're doing today?" Edward said quietly.

            "We're going to lunch and then we're going somewhere else...then maybe one more place," I told him, like it explained everything.

            "You're so mean to me. I let you choose the wineries we went to last month!" he laughed.

            I turned to face him and shook my head, grinning. "If you really need to know, I'll tell you. I just thought you'd like the surprise. You like all of the places; I promise."

            "Well then, let's see how well you know me. Bring it on," he huffed, sounding like a petulant child; his pout only lasted a few seconds before he smiled. I stretched up on my toes and he leaned down to meet my lips, kissing me sweetly. He stepped closer, pressing himself against me. "Mmmm, maybe we should just go home."

            I was tempted to agree, but sex was actually something we weren't missing out on. Despite our different schedules, we managed to take advantage of every opportunity to do _that_. It was the rest of it that we missed out on. We didn't get to spend much time together outside of bed, especially outside of the condo. It wasn't that I felt like he was hiding me and we needed to flaunt our relationship with the rest of Seattle, it was that I wanted to _do_ things with him; see things together and talk about them. I wanted all of him, and most days the damn hospital had more of him than I did.

            "I...but...no," I stuttered, surprising both of us. "I want to do this today - with you."

            "Hey," he pushed some hair out of my face and cupped my cheek, "I was teasing. I'd love to do whatever you have planned."

            "I know. I'm sorry. I just..." I paused and sighed, looking at him sadly, "sometimes I hate how little we get to see of each other in the daylight, you know?"

            "I know, Bella. I wish there was more time in the day. More time for us."

            I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. "So let's make the most of it."

            "I'm at your mercy," he smirked.

            Oh hell, now I wanted to forget it and go home. I shook my head, clearing my mind of dirty images.

            "All right, let's go." I took his hand and started to walk back to the car so we could drive to lunch. We didn't have far to go, but most of our day involved walking, so I wanted to park a little closer to the restaurant. It was close to Cornish Arts College, so parking was a little tricky, but luckily we found a spot around the corner. We stepped out of the car and Edward was grinning.

            "I know where we're going!" he said in a sing-song voice.

            "Oh really?" I chuckled.

            "Yes," he laughed and leaned over to give me a quick kiss as he put his arm around my lower back. "I love _13 Coins_. I haven't been here since I moved to Carolina, though." His eyes danced with excitement.

            I bounced on the balls of my feet a little, his energy making me a little giddy. "I've been here a couple of times with Rose and Em."

            "You have?" He seemed surprised.

            "Yeah," I laughed, as we walked into the restaurant. "What do you think we did the whole time you were gone? Sit around and talk about how much we all missed you?"

            He was still laughing about my sarcasm when we were shown to a table.

            I found myself trying not to smile as we looked over the menu. We had spent a lot of time together over the last few months, and he'd made a joke about seeing how well I knew him, but I wondered how well Edward knew me. Even if Emmett hadn't told me what Edward's favorite dish was, I would have known with just one glance at the choices.

            "What are you thinking?" He was looking over his menu, smiling at me.

            "Nothing."

            "Right." He raised his eyebrows, teasing.

            "Whatever," I sighed. "You'll think it's dumb."

            He made a motion with his hand as if to say, tell me more.

            I rolled my eyes. "Fine, I was thinking that I know exactly what you're going to order. I just wondered if you knew what I would get." I shrugged. "See, it was dumb."

            "Hey, I might not have been studying you for as long as you studied me, but I am pretty observant."

            "Study? Is that the polite way to say stalking, these days?"

            He laughed. "You never stalked me."

            "No," I snorted. "I just had an obsessive unhealthy crush on you for over ten years."

            "Well, that obsessive crush eventually brought us together." He smirked at me.

            "That sounds like the premise of a bad Lifetime movie."

            "Don't be so dramatic, Bella," he chuckled. "Seriously, I bet I could guess what you were going to order."

            "Oh yeah? Go for it."

            "What do I get if I'm right?"

            "It's a surprise," I whispered, trying to sound sexy.

            He shook his head, laughing. "Whatever. Okay, I think you would order..." he paused, looking at the menu for a second, "Eggs Benedict."

            I nodded, impressed. "Which one, crab or smoked salmon?"

            He looked stumped for just a second, then grinned. "The one I don't order."

            "Oh, you're good."

            He reached across the table and took my hand, lifting it to his lips for a kiss, and then he winked. "Told you I was observant."

            We had a great lunch, sharing our eggs Benedict as we talked and laughed. This was what I craved most in our relationship and I was soaking it up. Our monthly date-days were getting me through the rough patches; the times when we went days without really talking and the nights I spent alone. When we were together for hours like this, uninterrupted, I knew we were good together - that if we could make it through his residency, we'd have even more time with each other. I wasn't dumb enough to think that when Edward was finally done with his residency that he was going to suddenly work nine to five, but anything would be better than what we had now.

            After lunch, I drove us to Westlake Center Mall for the next part of our day. Edward rolled his eyes at me, making no move to get out of the car.

            "Shopping? I hate shopping."

            "I just need to get something," I lied. "I swear it will be quick, but I need you to help me choose."

            He huffed a little but got out of the car and followed me into Macy's. I couldn't help but smile and had to fake cough so I could cover my mouth to hide it before regaining my composure. I led him through the store, teasing him by taking the route through the lingerie section. He was confused when we didn't stop, and I wound our way to the metro station.

            He stopped in his tracks, and our arms stretched between us as I took two steps before realizing what had happened. I turned to see him grinning from ear to ear.

            "You tricked me!" he laughed.

            I smiled back at him. "I did, didn't I?"

            Between Edward and Emmett, someone was always playing some kind of joke on me. I tended to be a little on the gullible side, so I was easy to fool. I was quite pleased with myself for being able to surprise him.

            He pulled on my hand, bringing me back towards him for a gentle kiss. "We're taking the metro?"

            I nodded and smiled.

            "Are we going to...you know?"

            My smile got even larger. "EMP?" I asked, referring to the Experience Music Project in the City Center, it was basically the West Coast's own version of a Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame. It also housed the Science Fiction Hall of Fame and they had an exhibit that Edward had been dying to see. "Nah. I thought we'd go to the Space Needle."

            "You are so full of shit!" he laughed. "You're taking me to the Battlestar Galacita exhibit! I love you so fucking much for this."

            He pulled me close, this time for a full on lip locking, tongues tangling, moan inducing kiss. I heard someone make a disgusted noise as they walked past us and someone else snickered. It was over in a few seconds, and Edward was grinning at me, his eyes dancing with excitement, like they had before lunch.

            "You are such a nerd," I laughed, shaking my head. "Let's go!"

            He grabbed my hand and took the lead, walking much faster than he'd been when he thought we were shopping. He paid for our tickets before I could stop him, and we took the first train. It was only a two minute trip to cover the mile between the mall and the City Center, but parking down there was a nightmare, so it was worth the ride.

            When we got off the train, Edward quickly headed us across the City Center to the entrance of EMP. I pulled our tickets out of my purse, having printed them from the internet, and Edward handed them to the attendant. I saw him hesitate, considering whether or not to rent the headphones for the audio tour, but he shook his head slightly, as if talking to himself, and started walking again. The guitars and Hendrix memorabilia that he normally took his time appreciating did nothing for him. He was a man on a mission, taking us directly to the third floor. We didn't stop moving until we reached the entrance to the exhibit.

            Edward gazed at the sign for a second, then grinned at me, waggling his eyebrows. "You ready?"

            "Baby, I've never been more ready," I deadpanned. "The question is, are Starbuck and Apollo ready for you?" I snorted and he gave me a dirty look. It only lasted a second though, nothing could dampen his excitement.

            "Shut up," he laughed. "You've just exhausted your Battlestar Galactica trivia and we haven't even walked inside."

            "This is very true. I'm glad you know I'm only here for you; and the original Starbuck."

            "What the fuck?"

            "I did my research. Dirk Benedict was hot. He still is, in that hot older man kind of way."

            "Oh, lord. Come on," he laughed, shaking his head as he led me into the first room of the exhibit.

            We made our way through the displays, Edward telling me about the differences between the original show in the 1970's and the 2003 version. When we got to the section that held three life sized space ships, he froze, looking up in awe.

            "Holy shit," he said reverently.

            I couldn't resist anymore and burst out laughing. His sci-fi love was so adorable. "You are so cute with this!"

            "You are so getting laid for this."

            I clapped my hands. "Ha! Then my evil plan worked!"

            He smirked back at me, throwing his arm around my neck to give me a quick kiss on my head. "Come here; let me show you these ships."

            By the time we were finished, I was on geek overload. Edward knew that I was tired and that I'd made the day all about him, so he led us to one of my favorite restaurants nearby for a snack. We sat at the bar in Genki Sushi for some steamed edamame and spicy tuna rolls. I sipped a beer and sighed, glancing over at Edward as he popped a piece of sushi in his mouth.

            "Thanks, I needed this."

            He finished chewing and laughed. "Food? Or an escape from all the science nerds?"

            "Both." I grinned. "Should we go home or go up in the needle since we're here?"

            "Was it part of the plan?" he teased.

            "The plan was to see how tired we were."

            "That was a good plan." He sipped his beer and narrowed his eyes as if he was really thinking about his decision. "I think we should go up."

            I grinned. That's what I was hoping for. We didn't get a lot of time together, and I wanted to do as much as we could on our date. We finished our beers and walked over to the Space Needle, getting our tickets and taking the elevator up to the top. It was cloudy, but the rain had passed. The view was still gorgeous.

            We stood side by side looking out over the city and Puget Sound, feeling the wind whip around us. I got cold after a little while and I squeezed between Edward and the rail. He chuckled, putting his arms around me and his chin on my shoulder with sigh.

            "You planned an awesome day, Belly. Thank you."

            I smiled even though he couldn't see me. "You're welcome. We'll be too busy next month with Em and Rose's wedding."

            "Wow. I keep forgetting that's right around the corner."

            "That's because Alice doesn't text you about the details ten times a day."

            "And thank God for that," he laughed, squeezing me.

            We were quiet again for a few minutes, taking in the view together. Eventually, he whispered in my ear, breaking the silence.

            "Are you okay with them getting married?"

            Turning to face him, I stayed in the circle of his arms. "Of course," I answered, confused by his question.

            "No," he sighed, "I mean, do you feel...rushed? I don't want you to feel weird." He shook his head. "Never mind, I don't know what I'm saying."

            I put my fingers on his lips. "I know what you mean. I don't feel rushed. I think I finally feel like I can see it in _my_ future, so I'm not quite so jealous of them anymore. How's that for fucked up?"

            "Not fucked up at all. I feel the same way. I've been to all of these weddings that made me feel like I was doing something wrong, or that my life was missing something because I wasn't getting married too. Now, it's like I can enjoy it and there's no pressure."

            "Right? I used to feel like such a loser when I sent my RSVPs. I never had a 'plus one.' Seriously though, these weddings are like the pre-cursor to feeling your biological clock start ticking."

            "Your biological clock is ticking? I can honestly say that makes me really excited."

            "Excited? Or horny?" I laughed but didn't wait for an answer before I clarified, "It's not really ticking. My clock, I mean, not quite yet."

            He smiled and nodded but was thoughtful for a few seconds, his eyes becoming serious. "Soon though?"

            I gazed back at him, surprised at the turn the conversation had taken. I'd thought about our future, I'd day dreamed about it for years, but I had never imagined us talking about it like this. It wasn't really a yes or no question for me.

            I slightly raised my eyebrow in uncertainty. "Soon enough?"

            He threw back his head laughing. "Soon enough is...great." Nodding, he sighed and put his forehead against mine. "I know it's fast, but I know what I want. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It's just... I mean, I can't ask you to start a family with me and expect you to do it alone, but I don't want to wait three years until residency is over." He grinned. "So...yeah, soon enough."

            I stood there blinking at him for a second as his words sunk in. Rising up on my tiptoes, I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him. "I love you."

            "I love you, too."

            He pulled me into his arms and held me for a few seconds before I turned around to look back out over the city.

            "Soon enough," I whispered to myself. "Soon enough."


	12. By Your Side

            "Ow, that hurts," I whined.

            "Stop whining. If you had done it yourself or gotten them waxed I wouldn't be plucking them," Alice replied, rolling her eyes.

            "I was busy."

            "Fucking Edward? That doesn't constitute busy," Rose deadpanned from across the living room.

            "Oh my. Well, that's TMI," Esme laughed as she came in from the kitchen to join us.

            I was sitting in the overstuffed chair with the floor lamp shining directly on my face so Alice could "fix" my eyebrows. The four of us were having a slumber party the night before Emmett and Rose's wedding. We'd taken over the condo while the guys stayed with Emmett.

            "Oh God. Sorry, Esme, I have no control over these two," I muttered, embarrassed.

            Edward and I had been living together for almost nine months, but that didn't mean I wanted his mother thinking about us in bed together. I was still freaked out that I'd actually been shopping with the two of them when he picked out his bed.

            "Well, it's not like I don't know my children are having sex; I just don't want to hear about it," she laughed. "Imagine me telling you about Carlisle and I..."

            "No!" we shouted together.

            "Point taken," I chuckled.

            "Ohmygod, I'll never get that image out of my head!" Rose laughed.

            "I think it's adorable," Alice said in all sincerity. "I mean, they're still going strong at their age!"

            We all cracked up laughing and Esme hit Alice with a pillow.

            When Alice finished with my brows we all sat together drinking wine, talking about the coming wedding and reminiscing about Emmett as a boy. Rose didn't have any of her own family in attendance for the weekend. Both her parents had passed away, and she was an only child. The only living relative she kept in touch with was her grandmother in Pasadena, but she wasn't able to travel.

            She had invited a few friends from home, but only two or three could make it. She had explained to all of us a long time ago that most of her friends in California reminded her of her ex, Jason. She had been a junior in high school when she met him. He was a sophomore at UCLA and worked at an all-ages club she liked. They dated through her sophomore year of college - when she had the rug pulled out from under her. She found out from a friend that while she'd been working two jobs to pay tuition, he'd been dating someone else right under her nose the entire time. Over spring break, when he told Rose he'd been spending time with "family" and too busy to spend time with her, he'd gotten engaged to someone else.

            Rose had been horrified and embarrassed. She'd explained that at the time she couldn't fathom how she hadn't known, and she couldn't imagine how many people had known and not said anything. She struggled to finish the semester, but she was paying her own way so she stuck it out. She spent all of her spare time that spring figuring out where she could move, to find a fresh start. She'd never been much of a California girl, with her fair skin burning instead of tanning, so when a friend mentioned moving to Seattle, Rose's interest had been piqued. Three months later, they'd packed up everything they owned, and moved north together. Her friend lasted a semester before telling Rose she hated the rain and was moving back. Rose didn't consider going with her for a second.

            A few weeks later, while she carefully filled her cart at the grocery store, scraping to make ends meet without getting a new roommate, she'd met Emmett . As he tells it, he watched her flipping through coupons and analyzing each item before adding them to her cart. He'd broken his silence when she carelessly added stack after stack of Ramen noodles into her cart.

            _"What the fuck are you doing? That's not even food! It's...You keep that shit in a nuclear fallout shelter, not in a hot girl's kitchen."_

            She had turned to him prepared to fight but stopped herself. He claims his dimples broke down her defences. She told us she was just so pissed she couldn't articulate anything.

            He had started talking again, trying to backtrack in case he'd offended her. "You heard the hot part? Cuz you are. I'd love to cook you dinner sometime. I'm pretty good with meat—fuck—I mean on the grill. I grill a mean steak."

            She'd given in, more tempted by the steak than the man at that point, but going to his place for dinner had sealed her fate. He says she fell for his boyish good looks. She argues it was the strange emotional maturity behind all of his goofiness that drew her in. I smiled whenever I heard that story. The world certainly worked in mysterious ways. Rose and Em met in a grocery store and were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

            The wedding was set for the following evening, with their vows said at sunset. Jasper and Tyler were Em's groomsmen. Rose's friend Stephanie from the hospital was standing up as a bridesmaid with me, while Alice was the Maid of Honor and Edward was the Best Man. Rose had found the location accidentally while looking at pictures on Facebook. A nurse from the hospital had posted pictures from a wedding she was in, and Rose had been mesmerized by them. She'd fallen in love with the images of exposed cedar beams and cathedral ceilings in the hayloft chapel. It was nothing like she'd been picturing and everything that she wanted. It was different but comfortable; spacious but intimate. She immediately sent the website to both Emmett and Alice.

            Emmett said it was beautiful but more than anything, he'd been thrilled that Rose was excited about it. Rose knew before she set foot in the space that it was perfect, but Alice had insisted on a drive out to the venue before making any decisions. Rose was right. It was inexpensive, gorgeous and most importantly, available on the date they wanted.

            Alice had done most of the planning, though she'd had weekly meetings with Em and Rose to make sure she was truly creating the wedding of their dreams. They were going all out with a fall theme. We had spent the last few days applying glitter and paint to apples, pumpkins and gourds in various shapes and sizes. I had baked more batches of caramels than I cared to count, wrapping each individual piece of candy in wax paper and then counting them out in batches of twenty-five to be placed on each table. Our bridesmaid dresses were a rich brown that looked great with all of the fall colors Alice was using to decorate.

            Jasper had yet to propose to Alice, and I had a feeling he was waiting until after Emmett and Roses's wedding. He knew how important it was to Alice to have everything go as planned, and he didn't want to distract her. I knew she realized that, but she was getting impatient.

            Edward and I hadn't really talked any more about our future. I think he was relieved that we were on the same timeline in terms of starting a family. Beyond that, he was so consumed by the hospital he couldn't think of anything else. Twice recently he'd fallen asleep in mid conversation, which sadly wasn't unusual. What was notable was that he'd fallen asleep while _he_ was speaking. Usually he dozed off waiting for me to answer him or while I rambled on. He was wearing himself out, trying to cover shifts for other people so he could have time off for the wedding details: the bachelor party, tux fittings, lunch, and golf with Emmett and Carlisle. I was surprised by how much male bonding Emmett had agreed to. Sure, Emmett loved to be the center of attention and he liked to party, but he was working insane hours for his residency and I knew he didn't have time for much else. I had a feeling that Esme had guilted him into several of the outings.

            When we finally went to bed, I climbed in with Alice while Rose took the guest room and Esme settled in on the pull-out couch. I fell asleep listening to Alice talk about last minute details, wondering if she was going to get any sleep at all. Sometime later, I woke to the sound of the bedroom door clicking closed and didn't think twice about it, snuggling back into my pillow. I figured Alice had gotten a drink or gone to the bathroom..

            The bed dipped and Alice whispered, "What are you doing?"

            "Sleeping," I mumbled before I heard a deeper chuckle.

            "Getting in my bed," a voice that sounded like Edward's whispered. "Move over Alice."

            I figured I was dreaming, but rolled over in confusion as he really was sliding under the covers between us.

            "Hi." He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

            "What are you doing here?" I curled into his chest as he put his arms around me.

            "Everyone was snoring and my dad was hogging the bed." I heard Alice chuckle along with me before he whispered in my ear. "And I really missed you."

            "I missed you too, Doc."

            I took a deep breath, breathing him in. He smelled a little soapy and spicy, with the added smells of the rehearsal dinner and his evening with the boys: a hint of garlic, whiskey and just a touch of cigar smoke. I could have done without the smoke, but all of it together smelled delicious on him. We fell asleep tangled together, with more than enough room for Alice on the other side of the bed.

            I found myself alone when the alarm finally went off. Stumbling into our bathroom, I wondered if I'd dreamed Edward's presence, but I found the bristles of his toothbrush wet when I reached to grab my own; I assumed that Alice hadn't used it.

            I wandered into the kitchen to find Esme and Alice drinking coffee. The shower in the guest bath was running so I guessed that Rose was awake as well. Alice handed me coffee before I asked for it, smiling as she sipped her own.

            "Sleep good?" Esme asked me, chuckling.

            "Yeah." I smiled. "What time did he leave?"

            "About an hour ago. He didn't want Emmett to know he'd left," she said, smirking.

            I shook my head and grinned. I couldn't help it. I was a little over the moon that Edward had come home to sleep with me. It wasn't like we never slept apart because we did, frequently. I knew that part of the reason he had come home was because he didn't want to miss any time that we could have been together, even if we were asleep. At least that's how I felt.

            Alice rolled her eyes at me. She knew how bad I had it. I lightly pushed her shoulder and headed for the shower to start getting ready.

            After a couple of hours at a salon getting our hair and make-up done, we headed to the hotel in Arlington to check-in. The wedding and reception were being held a little over thirty minutes north of the city at Countryside Meadows. The hotel was just four miles from there.

            We didn't stay long, just picked up our keys and dropped off our bags. I met Alice, Stephanie and Esme in the lobby where we all waited for Rose. Alice was eyeing her watch pointedly when she finally came down the hall. Roses' cheeks were red and she wiped her eyes as she got close to us.

            "Rose?" Esme asked quietly.

            "I'm okay. I called my nanna," she said with a sniff.

            "Oh, Rose," Stephanie and I murmured as Esme hugged her.

            "Thanks, guys. I'm okay." She turned to Alice, her eyes downcast. "I'm so sorry. Can you help me with my make-up?"

            "Don't apologize, of course I'll help you. I didn't like the lipstick she put on you anyway."

            Rose looked confused. "My mascara ran, there's nothing wrong with my lipstick."

            "I'm going to fix it anyway, honey. Everyone ready?" She looked at the three of us as she took a step backwards towards the doors.

            Esme drove us all to Countryside Meadows to meet the photographer. We settled in the bride's room and put on our dresses so we could help Rose into her gown. After that, the afternoon flew by. Alice touched up everyone's make-up before we started the never-ending photo-shoot. We had pictures taken near a white picket fence, under a maple tree, and in the chapel. The groomsmen eventually joined us, and I got my first look at Edward. I'd seen him in a tux at other weddings but this time he was mine. He looked good.

            "Yummy," Stephanie called him, nudging my arm. "You're a lucky girl." I had to agree.

            "You look beautiful," he said, looking me up and down, his eyes lingering on his favorite bits.

            The chocolate colored silk dress I wore was fairly simple and knee length. It had a straight, sleeveless neckline and a sash tied at my waist. I wore small brown pearl earrings and a matching necklace that looped around my neck several times. Rose had given a set to each of us; they were lovely.

            Edward lifted his hand, barely touching my necklace with his fingertips before his fingers ghosted over my collar bone. He looked into my eyes, smirking, and I felt like he'd stripped me bare; or I wanted him to. I closed my eyes for a moment, savoring the feel of his skin on mine and imagining what we'd be doing when we were alone later in the evening. He chuckled and I knew my traitorous blush had given away my thoughts. I opened my eyes to his teasing gaze.

            "Patience, Miss Swan."

            I shook my head at him. "Tease."

            We laughed together for a second and then he turned and stood beside me, his hand sliding low on my hip. I rested my head on his shoulder, sighing as we watched Rose being photographed with Carlisle and Esme.

            "How's Emmett?" I asked quietly, not wanting Rose to hear. She was getting nervous and twice had told Alice she thought she might throw up. It wasn't cold feet, just a sort of stage fright.

            "He's good. Making jokes and being obnoxious."

            "So it's a normal day for him aside from the tux."

            "Pretty much," he laughed. "Seriously though, he's nervous but excited. He told Carlisle that he wanted to start a family right away. You should have seen Em's face." He shook his head, smiling. "He's really happy."

            "Good. So is Rose, although I haven't heard her say they're starting a family right away."

            "Well, you never know. That may be Emmett's next project. Operation 'convince Rose they need to get pregnant.'"

            "He'd love that," I laughed.

            "Right?" Edward asked, grinning.

            Eventually, it was time for us to take Rose back to the bride's room while the guests arrived. We fixed our lipstick and fluffed our hair at the mirrors. Rose peeked out behind the curtain to watch as cars pulled into the lot.

            "This is really happening," she said quietly.

            "It is," I agreed, startling her. She hadn't realized I was looking over her shoulder.

            She looked at me with wide eyes. "It seemed so far away, you know? I kind of can't believe it's today."

            I looked down at her dress and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, it's today all right."

            We both laughed, and Rose reached out and put her hand over mine. "Thank you so much for being a bridesmaid. I know you've been in a thousand weddings."

            I wrinkled my nose. "Only nine-hundred and ninety-nine, and thank you for asking me," I said, teasing her.

            "I can't wait to return the favor for you and Alice. I mean, I'm sure for Al and Jazz's wedding we'll all just have to show up and she'll have everything ready, but for you..." She shook her head chuckling. "I'll be there for you when she is asking you how many millimeters thick the ribbon should be on your center pieces."

            I groaned. The sad thing was, I knew she wasn't exaggerating. Then it struck me - Rose was thinking about me _actually_ getting married—to Edward. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times as if to speak but nothing came out.

            Rose smirked and shook her head. "You're so funny, Bells. Where did you think things were going with Edward?"

            I swallowed hard and shook my head. I had dreamed about it, and Edward and I had hypothetically talked about a future together, but standing there in the bride's room I could almost see it.

            She put her hand on my cheek. "Sweetie, your happily ever after is out there in a tux."

            I nodded absently, thinking about my future with Edward.

            "It's finally your time. Well, almost your time. You have to let Alice get married first or she'll kill you."

            We shared a smile, because I knew she was right.

            "I need to go to the bathroom one more time before we do this," Rose said before she moved away from me. "Alice! Come lift my dress."

            Taking a step forward, I took Rose's place near the window. I watched the guests park their cars and walk towards the building, focusing on them instead of my insecurities and uncertainties.

            "Bella, are you all right?" Esme's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Alice is staying in here with Rose, but it's time for us to line up."

            "Oh, of course," I said, exhaling as I reached for my bouquet. It was small, but beautiful, and made up of hydrangeas, mums, calla lilies and dahlias in varying shades of fall colors. The finishing touch was an ostrich feather tucked against one side. It was elegant and sophisticated, yet simple and not overstated; just like Rose.

            Esme's hand cupped my elbow as we followed Stephanie into the lobby. The men were all standing together talking. They smiled at us then everyone shuffled around into pairs and began lining up.

            "You look beautiful," Edward said, coming to stand next to me.

            I laughed. "You told me that earlier."

            He leaned over and kissed my cheek, whispering, "I think it every time I see you."

            "Ya'll are sweet," Jasper murmured from beside me.

            The music began and Edward winked at me before moving back to wait for Alice. They would be the last ones to come in before Rose.

            Jasper and I followed Carlisle and Esme down the aisle. We separated at the front of the chapel and turned to watch the rest of the wedding party come towards us. Tyler leaned towards Stephanie, making a joke as they walked down the aisle. They were both single and seemed to be hitting it off. Edward and Alice came next, looking like they could have been in a magazine. They were both so perfect; it was a little disgusting.

            The wedding march began and I tore my eyes off of Edward to watch Rose. She came down the aisle by herself. There had been a long discussion about who could give Rose away at the wedding. Edward and Jasper both offered to walk her down the aisle. Emmett said to hell with tradition, they could walk in together, but Rose wouldn't hear it.

            " _I've been on my own for years. I'll just do it myself."_

            _"Rosie, you're not alone anymore," Emmett sighed in frustration._

            _"I know that, Em," she said, putting a hand on his cheek for a second before reaching down to take another sip of her beer. "But...I've been doing everything on my own for a while so this can sort of symbolize the changing of the tides or whatever."_

            _"That's nice," Jasper said, nodding._

            _"I think it's a great idea. I can totally see it, Rose," I agreed._

            _Edward shrugged. Alice watched the entire interaction with a serious face without saying a word. Emmett just grinned back at his fiancé. "You're amazing, baby. I love you."_

            _"I love you too, big guy," she laughed. Then she teased him, speaking slowly and sweetly like she was talking to a child, "That's why we're getting married."_

            _We all laughed and Emmett pulled Rose in for a kiss. Alice said she would take care of it, and I didn't hear another word about it._

            Rose kept her head high as she came down the aisle, despite the nervous smile on her face. She never took her eyes off of Emmett.

            "We're gathered here today for the marriage of Rosalie Lillian Hale and Emmett Dale McCarty," the officiant started. "Rosalie and Emmett, I ask you in the presence of your friends and family, are you both here of your own free will?"

            "I am," they said simultaneously.

            "Do you choose to enter into a marriage together, today?"

            "We do."

            "Then let's make that happen," the officiant joked, making everyone laugh. The sound was beautiful in the large chapel.

            Looking around, I tried to take everything in. Carlisle and Esme sat together, their heads leaning towards each other. Both were smiling, though Esme was wiping away tears. There were a number of Forks regulars in the pews behind them: the Newton's, Angela's mom, my dad, even Mrs. Cope. Most of the guests were friends of Emmett and Rose: people from the hospital, from Emmett's gym, and Rose's old neighbors from the apartment she'd lived in before moving in with Emmett and Tyler.

            The officiant said something that made Emmett laugh and his booming chuckle brought my eyes back to the wedding party. He and Rose were facing each other and you could tell that they didn't see anything except each other. Jasper and Alice wore matching grins as they made eyes at each other across the alter.

            I glanced at Edward to find him watching me, a lopsided smile on his face. His eyes sparkled and he raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled back. I'm sure I looked like some kind of love sick fool, at least I felt like one, imagining the two of us standing in Rose and Emmett's place. My heart was beating fast as I took a deep breath. Exhaling slowly, I realized I wasn't scared. I was excited, and I was looking forward to the future.


	13. Lost in Love

            Alice and Jasper got engaged the night of Rose and Emmett's wedding. I'm still not sure how we didn't hear her screams of joy through the thin hotel walls, but I suppose Edward and I were busy making our own excited noises.

            She didn't say a word and acted like nothing was different as we sat down for breakfast in the small conference room her family had rented for brunch with the out of town wedding guests. I was raising the coffee cup to my lips when I saw the ring on her finger. I gasped and her eyes popped up to mine. She bit her lip, holding back a grin.

            "What?" Edward asked from beside me. He was still only half awake.

            "Nothing, I spilled my coffee," I mumbled, still looking at Alice.

            Her shoulders shook with silent laughter and Jasper gave her a look, but she still didn't say anything. I didn't know if she was waiting to make an announcement or waiting for her mother to notice. It didn't take too long to find out.

            "Mary Alice Cullen! What is that I see?" Emmett's voice boomed.

            Emmett was struggling to keep a straight face, but Alice was full on laughing.

            Edward stared at the ring like he couldn't believe his eyes.

            Esme and Rose were squealing and hurrying to Alice's side.

            "You're not running over there?" Edward asked me, sounding a little concerned, while everyone congratulated Alice and Jasper.

            "Nah." I shrugged. "I'll get a private showing later and a blow by blow account of the proposal."

            "Seems like she would have told you first," he said quietly.

            I cocked my head, studying him. This wasn't about me. "Are you okay?"

            "I'm fine." He licked his lips and stared into space for a second. "You need coffee?" He pushed his chair back and grabbed my cup without a word.

            Alice looked at me, mouthing, "Is he okay?"

            I shook my head, letting her know I wasn't sure what was going on and stood to go after him. "Edward?"

            "I'm fine," he repeated before adding a packet of sweetener to my coffee and handing the mug back to me.

            I grabbed his free hand, twining our fingers together and led him into the hallway. He huffed loudly but followed me to sit on a small love seat.

            Setting my coffee on the side table, I took his juice glass and set it aside as well. I put my hands on his cheeks as he looked at me, his lips pursed and his brows raised. We needed to talk, but he seemed really tense, so I leaned forward and kissed him. His arms came around me and he kissed me back, threading his fingers into my hair. Before we got too carried away, I pulled back just enough to separate us.

            "Tell me," I said quietly.

            He exhaled loudly as he held my gaze. "My parents should be here."

            "Edward," I sighed. I hadn't thought about him missing his parents at a time like this, but it made complete sense.

            He sat back a little, shaking his head. "Don't get me wrong, Carlisle and Esme have been amazing, and most of the time I think of them as my parents, but..." he sighed. "They should be there for this—for Alice."

            "I'm so sorry, Edward." I closed my eyes trying not to cry. I wasn't really sure what to say or what he needed to hear, but something dawned on me. Wiping away a tear that I couldn't hold back, I squeezed his hand. "I think I understand now why you were so upset about Charlie not coming to graduation."

            "Yeah." He smiled sadly and shook his head a little more. "Ultimately, I get why he couldn't be there, but your mother? She makes me fucking crazy."

            "I'm kind of over it. I quit expecting her to act like a parent a long time ago."

            "And that makes me really sad, Bella. I would give anything to still have my mother, and yours acts like you're just another friend whose life she can drift in and out of."

            "Hey," I said, putting a hand over his heart. "I've got Charlie and you and the rest of your family, that's all I need. The same goes for you. We're all here for you; _I'm_ here for you."

            "I know." He nodded, taking my hand in his. He shifted to lean his head against my shoulder and closed his eyes.

            We sat quietly for a few seconds while he pulled himself together. I watched Esme walk towards us, concern all over her face. I gave her a half smile as I squeezed Edward's hand. He sighed and opened his eyes to see her standing in front of him.

            "Alice was wondering what happened to you two," she said quietly.

            "We just needed a moment, but my coffee's cold now so I'm going to head back inside." I stood and glanced down, but Edward remained seated. I gave him a smile and he nodded before I moved towards the conference room.

            "Hey, Mom." I heard Edward's voice behind me and I knew he would be all right.

            **0)~~'~~,~~~**

            Time flew by as Edward and I continued to grow closer. I had a job and a boyfriend. I joined an online-book club and went to yoga. On Sunday afternoons I made casseroles for the week ahead. I began to feel like a grown up, not just some twenty-something posing as an adult.

            Edward rotated through departments at the hospital. He was exhausted and irritable sometimes, but he was doing well in his program. He understood that I needed to keep busy and that sometimes I would be the one with plans and wasn't available when he was off work.

            We stuck to monthly dates as much as we could - taking walks, shopping at thrift stores, exploring the city and going to movies. For the most part, Edward and I continued to get along well. We had little fights here and there, but that was to be expected. They were normal disagreements that happened in every relationship.

            I tried—I really tried—not to get upset about all the time I spent alone while he was at the hospital. In fact, for the longest time it wasn't really an issue for us. Eventually though, I did grow jealous of the time he spent there and the people he was with. The surgeons and specialists that he spoke about as if they were gods, the nurses and other residents that all had nicknames with great stories behind them. The patients, to whom he gave his best bedside manner to when I was lucky to get a grunt 'hello' at times.

            Edward tried to reassure me that there was nothing to be jealous of. He loved his job and he loved learning to become a better doctor, but the hospital required most of his time and the people there were only co-workers. I wanted to believe him, I knew I should. In the past I had believed without question, but something well — _someone,_ happened that made me question everything.

            A new nurse from the hospital moved into our neighborhood and we ran into her everywhere. At the gas station, the grocery store, the cleaners, the Irish pub, my hair salon — everywhere. Her name was Sasha or Inna, or something, but I called her Russian Barbie.

            At first she just irritated me. Every time we saw her she made googly eyes at Edward. Then she gave me a dirty look at the dry cleaner's. She swooped in front of me and took a melon at the grocery store. She eyed Edward like a piece of meat and I saw her touch his arm when he was standing at the deli counter. Then it got worse.

            I made lasagna for dinner one night and instead of making Edward wait until he got home at some crazy hour, I took some to the hospital for his dinner.

            As I approached the corner before the nurse's station and the doctor's lounge, I heard Edward's voice, "Can you file this? I'm going to check on Mr. Barnes now that his daughter is gone."

            My steps slowed as I realized he was busy, then I stopped, completely shocked at what I was hearing. I knew it was her; the bitchy Barbie from our neighborhood.

            "Look at his ass. Damn he's hot...and that hair."

            "He always looks freshly fucked," another woman replied.

            "I just wish I was the one he was fucking."

            "Too bad he has a girlfriend."

            "She's _just_ his girlfriend," the first one snorted. "I don't go for married men, but _girlfriends_? Whatever."

            The phone rang, ending their conversation and I stood still not sure what to do or think. I couldn't believe what I'd heard. Should I say something? Let them know I was there? Should I pretend like I hadn't heard them? Should I wait for Edward to come out of the patient's room and kiss him in front of them?

            Before I could do anything I heard Edward speaking to one of the nurses again. "He was sleeping, but everything looks fine. Let me know if he has any problems later."

            Squaring my shoulders, I took a deep breath and plastered a smile on my face before someone caught me lurking in the hallway.

            Edward smiled when he saw me come around the corner. "Hey, babe, this is a surprise!"

            I snorted a little. He had no idea. "Hey, to you too. I brought you dinner."

            "Oh man, you're the greatest," he said, pulling me into his arms for a hug.

            The hallway was empty, aside from the nurses gawking at us, so I turned my head and kissed him. It was just a little kiss, but it was enough to show possession and I couldn't help glancing at Cold War Barbie afterwords. She gave me another dirty look but I just smiled back at her.

            Edward glanced at his watch. "Come on, I think I have enough time to eat right now." He kept an arm around me and guided me down the hall.

            I still wasn't sure what to do about the conversation I'd overheard. What kind of woman discounts someone's girlfriend like that? I mean, Edward and I lived together. We weren't just some newly dating couple, and even if we were, who did that? That was just...what a bitch.

            The more I thought about it, the more I understood that it was all about her. I wasn't worried about what Edward would do, but how she would tempt him. The more I thought about that, the more horrible I felt for even considering for a second that something could happen between them, but it was still there. That seed of doubt.

            I held off from telling Edward what I'd heard, but I needed to talk to someone so I told Rose. She was pissed on my behalf, then tried to assure me that Edward would never cheat and certainly not with Russian Barbie.

            She did, however, observe their interactions at work and it was clear that Nikita, or whatever her name was, had started putting the moves on Edward. Rose heard that she had traded shifts a couple of times to work with Edward and that she had taken to occasionally buying him coffee on her breaks. He'd accepted it of course; no resident turned down caffeine.

            I was glad Rose was keeping me posted, but it was stressing me out. It didn't matter that things were going well, that Edward was as attentive as ever, I just had this sick feeling in my stomach that something bad was going to happen and it was going to be related to Stolichnaya Barbie.

            It took about three weeks for things between Edward and I to come to a head. He'd been aware that something was bothering me, asking me if things were all right, calling a little more often that he normally did, but I continued to deny it. The thing was, I knew I just needed to get over it. I didn't want to have some big blow up with Edward over what was essentially an unrealistic fear.

            We'd met at the bar around the corner from our condo when he got off work. We caught the end of a Mariners game and grabbed a burger. I hadn't even seen her in the bar, but when the waitress brought over a beer Edward hadn't ordered—I knew who it was from.

            "This is from the lady at the bar," the waitress said, blushing. Even she understood that it was not cool to be sending drinks to a guy that was clearly there with someone.

            I searched the bar, and sure enough, Bitch Barbie was at the end, grinning at us.

            "Seriously? That is so not cool, Edward," I said, referring to her buying him a drink. I wanted to throw it in Caviar Barbie's face, but Edward wouldn't let me.

            "She was being nice." He rolled his eyes a little as he sipped his beer, the one I had ordered for him.

            "Nice? She sent you a beer while you're sitting at a table with me, your girlfriend."

            "Exactly, I'm with you."

            "And she doesn't care."

            "Bella…." He was finally beginning to get exasperated with me, but that was okay because I was starting to get pissed at his denial.

            "Listen. I overheard her at the hospital, she doesn't care. She said if you were married it would be different, but we're not."

            "What are you talking about?" He looked confused, which I supposed was better than pissed off.

            "The day I brought you lasagna. She and that other nurse were talking about how fuckable you were. And the other one, Zoey, maybe? I don't know. She said that it was too bad you had a girlfriend, and that bitch said if would be different if we were married, but since I'm just your _girlfriend_ she didn't care."

            "Well, I care," he said seriously. It was exactly what I needed to hear, but I also needed him to stand up to her.

            "So do I, but you need to tell Oksana Baiul, or Jaromir Jagr, or whatever the fuck her name is, to stop."

            He snorted and rolled his eyes. "You know her name is Sasha, and she may be flirting," he scooted a little closer to me and put a hand on my cheek, "but I'm not interested, at all. And I'll remind her that I'm taken if it will make you feel better."

            He leaned over and kissed me. It wasn't just a little kiss. It was a toe curling, mind bending, moan inducing, sloppy piece of PDA kiss. It took me a minute to catch my breath when he sat back, and I found myself blinking at him trying to focus my eyes.

            "Consider her reminded," he deadpanned, smirking at me.

            "You are a cocky mother fucker," I mumbled, still a little dazed from his kiss.

            "I'm _your_ cocky mother fucker."

            I didn't think before I opened my mouth. "Take me home and prove it."

            He grinned at me, then raised an eyebrow. "Are we okay?"

            I kissed him quick and hard as I stood and grabbed my coat. "Less talking—more cocky."

            Leaving the beer she'd sent over on the table untouched, he stood, pushing his chair in and putting his hand on my lower back. "I'll take that as a yes."

            We practically ran home, holding hands as I tried not to giggle. He stood behind me in the elevator, his hands on my hips and his chin on top of my head. The seconds that it took to get to our floor, felt like they took forever, as we both resisted attacking each other. We stumbled into the condo laughing again, and then I was pushed against the wall as his lips found mine. Our hands were everywhere, touching and tugging, pulling off clothes as we continued peppering each other with kisses.

            Shoes and clothes littered the floor as we made our way to the bedroom. Limbs tangled together as we paused to make out against the wall in the hallway. We were naked when we finally made it to the bedroom. Edward crawled up over my body on the bed, grinning down.

            I stretched up to kiss him, pulling him down to me. The weight of his body against mine was delicious. My hands skimmed his back before finding their place in his hair while his hands cupped my face and his hips rocked against mine. His hand slipped between my legs, stroking me for just a few seconds before he replaced his fingers with his erection, sliding it over my clit. We moaned together as my back arched.

            "Are you ready?" he murmured in my ear as he kissed along my neck.

            "Yes," I gasped, and before I could say please he pushed into me.

            Our hips began moving, setting a hard driving rhythm that was exactly what I needed.

            He hitched my leg up over his hip and hit just the right spot with every stroke.

            "Right there," I moaned.

            "There?" He didn't really need to ask, because he was hitting it every time and he knew it.

            I could hardly form words as everything in me began to tighten. "Yeah, don't stop."

            "Never." It was more of a growl than a reply, and it was sexy as hell.

            "Oh fuck," I cried, biting my lip. With just a couple more strokes from him I went over the edge, calling his name as my body clamped down on his.

            "Holy Shit." He kept thrusting into me, clenching his teeth with his effort. Then he jerked our hips tightly together and let go inside me with a groan.

            He was still panting a couple of minutes later when he chuckled and kissed my forehead. "Christ, Belly, I don't want to fight with you, but it that's what comes out of it..."

            I laughed and ran a hand absently across his chest. "Seriously, and that was hardly an argument."

            We stayed tangled together, sweaty but content, until I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. When I came back into the bedroom, he'd straightened the mess we'd made of the sheets and gathered the trail of our clothing into a pile. He was stretched out on his side, his arm bent and his head resting in his palm. When I looked at his face, I found his eyes locked on my face. He looked both sexy and serious and I couldn't help but smile. I climbed in bed, kissing his chest lightly before I sighed and snuggled against his side.

            "Are we okay?" he asked for the second time. I knew it wasn't insecurity that brought him to ask it again, but he hated to go to bed without resolving things.

            "We're good," I chuckled. "You can go to sleep.".

            "Are you sure?"

            I found his hand and slid my fingers through his, giving him a little squeeze. "I'm sure. I just get scared. I wonder what you're doing with me when you work with those brilliant doctors and you have hot nurses throwing themselves at you."

            "Bella, you don't ever have to worry about me cheating. Okay?"

            "That wasn't it, not really. I wasn't worried about you cheating. I was more afraid that Ivanka Trump was going to seduce you somehow. I mean, she seems persuasive."

            He snorted. "Sasha."

            "Whatever."

            "She tries hard, I'll give her that," he chuckled, "but I'm not interested. Not—at— all. She's fake and plasticy and," he kissed me, "not you."

            I laughed. Russian Barbie and I were polar opposites.

            "You can trust me, Isabella."

            "I know I can, she just got under my skin."

            He sat up, leaning on his elbow. "Don't let her get to you. Besides, even if I was single, I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. I'm pretty sure that shit is radio-active."

            I laughed a little, feeling much better about things.

            "And Bella, you really need to talk to me about this stuff. I mean, you've been sort of brooding about this for almost three weeks. All you had to do is tell me and I could have reassured you that there's not a chance in hell that anything would happen with her."

            "Not even with a lot of vodka?" I joked. "Because I think Russian Barbie comes with her own private stash."

            He shook his head, chuckling. "You're ridiculous, you know that?"

            "I know. I'm sorry."

            "Don't be sorry. I love it, and I love you. Just you. No Russian Barbies, or any other Barbies for that matter."

            "I love you, too."

            He stretched out beside me again and I snuggled into his side, reaching my hand out across his chest. I was almost asleep when his chest rumbled a little with laughter.

            "Russian Barbie. How do you come up with this shit?"

            I slapped his chest. "Shut up! You called her radio-active!"

            "She probably is," he muttered. Grabbing my hand, he brought it up to kiss my palm before putting it back over his heart.


	14. Cowboy

            If you had asked me a year ago, between Rose and Alice whose bachelorette party would have been more fun, I would have said Rose's—hands down. I couldn't have been more wrong.

            Alice hosted Rose's bachelorette about a month before her wedding. We'd gone to dinner and used a limo to go from bar to bar near the university. Alice made us all wear penis necklaces and had Rose drink from a water bottle shaped like a penis. She insisted on choosing our outfits and we all looked fabulous, until we got shitty drunk. It was fun, but it was nothing like the party Rose and I had for her.

            We met for coffee at the hospital and it didn't take us long to plan; we were both on the same page.

            "Dancing," I said to start. "There has to be dancing."

            Rose rolled her eyes but agreed. "Strippers?" she asked, raising a brow at me.

            "A cowboy stripper?"

            "Of course."

            "Reserved seating at a club, not just hopping from bar to bar."

            She grinned. "Agreed. Where should we go?"

            "Trinity? The Last Supper Club? I'm not sure."

            "I was thinking along the same lines. Let me price some shit out and call you later this week."

            "I can check into a stripper if you want." I didn't even know where to start; I'd have to Google it or something.

            Rose laughed. "I've got it covered."

            "Really?"

            She nodded, eyes sparkling. I wasn't sure what that meant, and I didn't really want to ask.

            "Okay, what can I do to help?"

            "We need to get some of those penis necklaces and shit. And she's so using that fucking water bottle she gave me."

            I laughed out loud. "I can do that."

            Rose had been mortified, but Alice had insisted she use it; turn about was fair play, and I knew without a doubt they'd eventually make me use it as well. We were strategic in our plans, letting Alice design her own outfit for the party so she'd be a good sport about the rest.

            We started the night at Rose and Em's with a small group of women for some hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Angela had come down from Forks to join us, but otherwise the group was made up of Alice's friends from U-dub. She wore a hot pink veil and one of those standard black t-shirts with BRIDE written in rhinestones on the front. Of course, Alice had jazzed it up a bit, painting various wedding vows all over it.

            Rose presented her with a blinking penis necklace and earrings, penis suckers to hand out, and the phallic water bottle. After several rounds of shots, we settled in the living room and Alice opened gifts. She blushed as she opened boxes of lingerie and body glitter, then turned bright red and giggled at sex dice and a sparkly vibrator.

            "Oh my god, you guys! How did you know?"

            Oh god. I didn't know. I didn't want to know, but I knew she was going to tell us. "Alice..." I said, shaking my head in warning, but she didn't notice.

            "I wore the old one out when Jasper went out of town last weekend!"

            "Alice!" Angela called, finally catching her attention.

            "Oh, sorry," she giggled and we all laughed.

            In reality, we were all used to Alice over-sharing about her sex life, but there were some things that we just didn't need to hear.

            "God, I've missed you guys," Angela laughed, wiping her eyes.

            "There are no better friends than old friends," Rose agreed, nodding. Even with a few drinks in her she was full of wisdom.

            Alice had just checked her lipstick in the mirror and adjusted her blinking cock necklace when there was a knock at the front door. She was having such a great time that she didn't think twice before throwing the door wide open.

            I took a great picture of her with her mouth hanging open as she stared at the cowboy on the doorstep.

            "Whoa—I mean, hello there, cowboy," Alice purred, cocking her hip against the door frame.

            "Howdy, ma'am."

            He'd said two words and I was trying not to laugh at his ridiculous fake accent.

            "What brings you to these parts?" Alice giggled again as she looked him up and down.

            "My horse threw a shoe about a mile back. I saw ya'll's lights on and wondered if I could rest a spell."

            I burst out laughing and received an angry glare from Angela. Covering my mouth, I headed for the kitchen to get another margarita. When I made it back to the living room, the cowboy was bent over at the stereo setting up his music while the ladies ogled his ass in his tight Wranglers. It was a nice ass, but his arms and chest were all lotioned up, shiny and tanned to the point he was almost orange. I sat on the arm of the couch as Rose held up a wad of dollar bills and began handing them out to everyone.

            I knew I had to participate, even if I was feeling a little weird about it. Don't get me wrong; I was all for watching porn and going to strip clubs occasionally. I just didn't really want to touch any of the dancers—ew—no…just—no…I shivered thinking about it.

            He pulled a chair from the dining room and put it in the middle of the floor, then led Alice over to it. She ran her fingertips down his chest looking like she was about to devour him.

            "You look good, cowboy, but I'm marrying my very own Texan."

            He smirked at her, cocky and teasing. "But you're not married yet."

            Alice threw her head back laughing. "This is true," she looked down at the sparkling diamond on her left hand, "but I'm not about to throw it away either."

            His face lit up in a genuine smile. "I'm sure no one here wants you to. Just sit back and have a nice time, yeah?"

            She licked her lips and nodded.

            Rose flopped down on the couch next to me and rolled her eyes. "Get naked, cowboy."

            He gave her a dirty look then stood in front of Alice. "Ready?"

            "Sure," she grinned, reaching for his large silver belt buckle.

            "Ah—ah—ah." He shook his finger at her and took a step back.

            He nodded at Angela, who pushed play on the iPod he'd docked by the stereo. Kid Rock's "Cowboy" began to play, and he popped the buttons on his leather vest, one by one.

            A little while later he was standing in front of Alice, wearing nothing but a g-string and thrusting his cock in her face. We had all gotten into it eventually, slipping money in his waistband or dropping it in his hat if he held it out. After another margarita, I'd found myself laughing as I slid some bills into the front of his tiny underwear, slightly mesmerized by his dancing pecs. Rose slapped my ass to break my stare, then took my place in front of the dancer. She looked him up and down, raising her eyebrow and leaning close to whisper something. He smiled and gave her an almost imperceptible nod before she came back to sit next to me.

            I leaned closer so she could hear me over the music. "What was that?"

            She grinned. "I told him to say hi to his boyfriend."

            "No way."

            "Way."

            I processed it for just a second before I bit my lip and grinned at her. "Shit. That's hot."

            "Right? They work out with Em."

            We were still laughing when the song finished and he leaned down to touch cheeks with Alice, before he passed his cowboy hat for a final round of tips. Rose helped him gather his things and walked him out while the rest of us laughed and talked, comparing our favorite parts of his show.

            We made sure Alice had a little more to eat so she wasn't drinking on an empty stomach, then piled into a limo. Rose had made reservations at The Last Supper Club near Pioneer Square. I didn't go dancing a lot, but I'd been there once or twice. It was always fun and usually had a good DJ.

            We were all pretty drunk by the time we made it to the club. The alcohol had fogged my brain enough that I didn't resist when Angela and Alice each took a hand and pulled me to the dance floor. The DJ was playing something with a great beat and I let my body go, moving to the music without a care in the world.

            A few songs later I'd almost forgotten about the surprise we had planned for Alice until I heard a squeal as Jasper snuck up behind her. Grinning, I let my eyes wander over the crowd looking for Edward.

            Rose and I had agreed that while Alice _thought_ she wanted to have a traditional bachelorette, she would undoubtedly end up calling Jasper and getting him to join us. It didn't seem fair that she'd end up with her man while we were alone, so we'd just turned it into a group party, convincing the guys to meet up with us at the club.

            I didn't see Edward on the dance floor, but he had to be in close; the guys had gone to dinner and were coming to the bar together. Suddenly, I felt a pair of hands on my hips and hot breath on my neck. I smiled and reached back to put my hand in his hair—the wrong hair.

            Suddenly everything was very wrong. I pulled my hand away as if I'd been burned. Who the fuck was behind me?

            A deep voice, that I recognized from somewhere, spoke near my ear, ending with a chuckle.

            "Isabella, it's always a pleasure to run into you unexpectedly."

            What the fuck? As I started to pull away and tried to place the voice when I saw Edward's piercing green eyes staring at me. I scrambled even harder to put distance between my body and the man behind me.

            I turned quickly and gasped. "Garrett, shit! You scared me. What are you doing here?"

            "I'm with Royce and a couple of his friends; the wives all went to see some musical." He smiled at me and moved some hair off my sweaty forehead. "You look hot." He held out a bottle of water and I shook my head.

            I was still processing that he meant I looked hot, as in warm, and not hot as in, well...hot, when I realized he'd said 'our' wives. Before I could really get my head around it, Edward was beside me, practically growling. Fuck my life, he'd heard Garrett call me hot.

            "Oh hey. I'm just an old friend." Garrett put his hands up, like he was proving to Edward that he wasn't a threat. "I'm Garrett."

            I saw the glint of a wedding band on his finger, and I wondered if Edward saw it even though he stayed tense, practically sneering. He nodded, but didn't offer his name, and I was torn between smacking him and pulling him into a corner to make out.

            "Well, it was great to see you, Bella." Garrett glanced quickly at Edward before giving me a questioning look. "I—ah—hope you're well?"

            "What? Oh!" Suddenly I realized how jealous Edward appeared and understood the concern, as unfounded as it was. I smiled a little at the ridiculousness of the whole encounter. "I'm fine. It was good to see you, too. I didn't realize you were still in the area, or that you'd gotten married. Congratulations."

            Edward hadn't moved, he was still standing between us acting like a territorial guard dog.

            "Yeah, I'm still teaching. I got married last spring. Anyway, I'm going to find my brother. Take care, Bella."

            Edward was not making either of us feel comfortable catching up, and I understood Garrett's retreat. "You, too," I said quietly.

            Garrett smiled, almost sadly, and nodded at Edward before turning to disappear into the crowd.

            Edward's fingers squeezed mine just before he spun around to face me. His eyes burned into mine for a second, and his hands found their way to my hair as he kissed me fiercely; placing his claim on me for anyone who might be watching.

            When he broke away, I was breathing hard and weak in the knees. He stepped back, looking slightly dazed himself for a second, then he turned and walked away.

            "Dude, no sex on the dance floor," Emmett said from right next to me. Apparently he had no idea what had just happened. That made two of us.

            I felt the blush rising from my chest and knew I was pink to the tips of my ears.

            "Sorry, Em," I laughed trying to cover up my conflicting emotions. I took in the scene on the dance floor. Alice was devouring Jasper's face in a kiss. Paul and Angela were dirty dancing near our other friends from U-dub, while, oddly, Emmett looked at the group of us like a proud father.

            None of them had seen anything. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I still wasn't sure if I was turned on or pissed off by Edward's possessive actions. Emmett's loud voice interrupted my thoughts, and I decided I didn't want to think about it anyway.

            "All right gang, Rose is getting some shots poured. Who's in?"

            "Me!" Angela raised her hand like an over-eager school kid.

            Paul groaned, "Am I holding your hair later?"

            "Probably, Mr. Lahote," she teased her husband, "probably."

            He put an arm around her, kissing the top of the head, chuckling. "See what you have to look forward to Jasper?"

            "Look forward to?" Alice snorted. "He's already done it!"

            "Oh, Paul," Jazz laughed, "you haven't heard how I met Miss Alice, have you?"

            There was a collective groan, because the rest of us knew that there was no stopping the two of them when they told the story of their meeting. Emmett started to coral everyone towards the VIP area where Rose was waiting. "Shots first, stories later."

            When we reached our reserved area, Edward was sitting on a small love seat drinking a beer. Sighing, I made my way to sit with him. I gave him a expectant look, waiting for him to say something. It surely wasn't the best place to have this conversation, and I probably wasn't in the best state of mind, but he didn't like to leave things unspoken.

            He huffed out a breath, sitting forward. "I didn't know who he was. I didn't like seeing him touching you."

            I leaned closer so we didn't need to yell. "Edward, I broke up with him for you."

            "I know," he growled in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But he has a normal job, with regular hours. You could spend every weekend together and you wouldn't need to worry about Russian nurses following him around."

            "None of that matters, Edward. We have to get through your residency and then it will be better. I understand that." I put my hand on his cheek. "I don't want anyone else, just you."

            He nodded, swallowing hard. "Can we talk about this when we're both sober?"

            "That's a good idea." I hoped that he meant it and just wasn't so pissed he didn't want to talk about it. I was still a little confused by his reaction on the dance floor.

            He turned in his seat to face me and scooted closer so he could whisper in my ear, "Have I told you how amazing you look tonight?"

            "No," I sighed.

            "You look amazing, and I'm so in love with you it scares the hell out me."

            He placed a kiss on my forehead and turned back to the conversation with our friends while I sat there, thoroughly confused and utterly in love with him.

            After a round of vodka shots, we all gathered around the couches and listened as Jasper told Paul about Alice getting sick from drinking tequila and sangria on the night they met.

            "Here was this sassy little number, dressed up like a Texas beauty queen, telling us all that she was going to design hiking and camping gear." He laughed a little, smiling at Alice. "She tried to sound excited, but there was no life in her eyes..."

            "Aw, poor Alice," Angela teased even though she'd heard the story a thousand times. I had no idea how Paul had managed to avoid hearing it.

            "Right?" Jasper agreed.

            "He didn't realize, when he took a seat next to me at the table, that my boyfriend's family owned a sporting goods store," Alice laughed.

            "I just felt the need to explain that you were clearly on the wrong path."

            "Is that what you were doing with those shots of tequila?" she teased.

            "Well, darling, I had to get you to relax a little so you'd be receptive to my ideas."

            "You mean so you could fuck some sense into her?" Rose snorted.

            "Hey, we didn't have sex that night!" Alice cried.

            "We waited til morning when we took a shower," Jazz finished with a huge grin.

            Alice smacked his arm. "Oh my god! I can't believe you just told them that!"

            "Don't act like the girls didn't know already, sugar."

            "Yeah, but -" she looked around and sighed. "Those are my brothers."

            "Seriously, Al? You're a screamer," Emmett laughed. "And we all know when you lost your virginity to Mike."

            "Yeah," I snorted. "It was shortly before he tripped and got that black eye in the stock room at Newton's."

            "Tripped, my ass; I punched that jackass. He was bragging about tapping my sister," Emmett confessed.

            "What?" Alice screeched.

            I tried to hold back my laughter but the alcohol, and the fact that we were finally revealing something we'd kept a secret for years, got the best of me. Everyone in Forks knew that Emmett was responsible for Mike's black eye—everyone except Alice—and the cat was finally out of the bag. I looked at her shocked face and felt a little bad for having kept it from her.

            "Holy hell, Em! That is the nicest thing you've ever done for me!" She shocked us all by throwing her arms around him.

            "Holy hell is right," Rose said, standing beside me.

            "No shit; I thought she was going to be pissed," I added.

            "She might be when she sobers up," Edward said with a shrug.

            "I can't believe ya'll never told her," Jasper laughed. "But thank fuck somebody hit him for talking shit about my girl."

            Paul snorted. "One punch, man, that's all it took. Em told Mike if he ever heard another word about Alice having sex he'd castrate him."

            "Mike never talked about having sex with Alice again," Angela laughed.

            "No, it was Alice that ended up doing all of the talking," I said, rolling my eyes. Angela and I had been hearing about Alice's sex life for years. "How did we end up talking about Mike tonight, anyway?" I asked, and we all laughed.

            "I have no idea," Alice giggled and put her arms around Jasper again. "Guess I had to experience Mike to find my true love."

            There was a collective groan among the group and Rose started handing out glasses of champagne that a waitress had delivered. She held up her glass, making a simple toast, "To good friends, good times, and love that lasts forever."

            We raised our glasses and murmured in agreement before drinking. Taking advantage of our VIP seating and the alcohol that came with it, we hung out for a while, making a few more trips to the dance floor.

            A while later, Angela and Paul were saying goodnight to everyone when Edward came to stand next to me. His arm slid around my waist and I sighed, settling my head against his shoulder.

            "I'm tired, Doc. Can we go home, too?" Despite the drama with Edward and Garrett, the night had been a blast. I hadn't had that much fun in years.

            He nodded, and we said our own goodbyes before leaving the club hand in hand. We grabbed a cab and I found myself tucked against his side again. Closing my eyes, I rested my head on his shoulder. I thought about Edward's reaction to Garrett and had to wonder how much of it was because of our history. I wondered again if he'd even noticed that Garrett had on a wedding ring. I felt kind of bad for how I had reacted to Russian Barbie, but she was clearly interested in Edward, so that was different.

            I also wondered if he was going to keep me up so we could talk it out before we went to sleep. I didn't really understand his reaction, and I wasn't necessarily mad about it, but I did think he was crazy for thinking I'd even look at anyone else.

            When I opened my eyes, I was in bed with Edward wrapped around me like a blanket. I snuggled even closer to him, taking a couple of deep breaths, and drifted back to sleep. Apparently, we really were waiting to talk about it, and I was fine with that.


	15. Only You

            Some people were surprised that Alice put together her wedding in only six months, but not those of us who really knew her. She'd been taking notes at weddings and buying _Bride_ magazine off and on for years. Planning Rose's wedding had been a dream come true for her, and she took advantage of that research, applying it to her own special day.

            She wasn't admitting to it, but Rose and I thought Alice might have reserved a few key elements before she got engaged.

            The bachelorette had been more than just Alice and Jasper's last night out before they were married; it was the kick-off to Alice's highly organized and insanely busy, wedding countdown. She had detailed plans outlining the decorations for both the ceremony and the reception.

            She provided us with typed task lists and schedules. Each person was given specific duties based on what she believed were their strengths. I was not allowed to climb any ladders, Rose was not allowed near a glue gun. Emmett and Edward had the shortest "to do" lists because of their schedules, but Alice had given them assignments none the less.

            Being busy was good because things at home were stressing me out. Maybe it was because we were so busy or maybe it was because we'd discussed where things were going in our relationship and, seven months later, Edward had yet to propose. Yeah—that could be it.

            I'd tried to stay positive, thinking Edward was just trying to get a little closer to finishing his residency before we started planning our future. I thought that he was waiting for Alice and Jasper to get engaged, but months went by, and here we were days before their wedding and still—nothing.

            Not only had he not proposed, he'd acted like a complete dick to Garrett at the bar. It reminded me a little of his jealous fit when I brought Riley home, but it was more than that. He wasn't usually that possessive. It could have just been because it was Garrett and he knew we had a history, but part of me started to question whether it was something about me.

            Normally, Edward would have made sure we talked about what happened at the bar. He was always on my case about communicating and wanted to be sure we understood each other. But the morning after Alice's bachelorette party, when I asked him if we needed to talk, he'd looked at me like he had no idea what I was referring to.

            I didn't know how it had happened, but we were certainly at a point where I didn't understand him. I wondered if he hadn't proposed because he wasn't sure anymore? Did he not trust me or believe how much I loved him? Was he just waiting to get through his residency and then going to break up with me?

            I pretended to be happy because Rose and Alice had too much going on to worry about me. However, truth be told, I was falling apart. I wasn't sleeping well and I'd lost my appetite. I knew I had dark circles under my eyes; Alice was going to be pissed if I looked like hell for her wedding. If I could just get through that day, then I could have a complete breakdown and a come to Jesus with Edward. I had stocked the fridge with Ben and Jerry's just in case.

            Alice had commandeered Rose's basement as her workshop/wedding supply storage area. On the Sunday before the wedding, the three of us were down there building centerpieces when the conversation became a little uncomfortable for me. Alice and Rose were talking about having babies and I tried to ignore them until the topic changed, but Alice wouldn't let me.

            "Can you imagine, Bells? All our kids are going to grow up together just like we did. I can't wait."

            I smiled and nodded, unable to say anything, but she kept going.

            "I hope we have a mix of boys and girls, you know, so the girls have someone to look after them."

            "Alice." Rose could tell I was on the edge of tears. Shit. She had probably known I was a wreck for weeks. I could never get anything past her.

            "What? I'm excited to start trying for a baby with Jazz, if I can't talk about it with you two, who can I? I mean, you're like my sisters."

            "I need to go upstairs," I said, quickly standing and heading towards the stairwell.

            "Bella," Rose called. "She didn't mean anything by it."

            "What? B, what's going on?"

            I took a deep breath and turned to face them. "What do you want me to say, Alice?"

            "Tell me what's going on."

            Biting my lip, I looked at Rose for help. I wasn't even sure I could explain it.

            "Al, she's not engaged yet."

            In a nutshell—that was it. I wasn't engaged. I wasn't a sister. I wasn't making plans to have babies.

            "Maybe I never will be," I said quietly.

            "Of course you will be, Bella." Rose pulled me into a hug while Alice had tears in her eyes.

            "He's going to ask you, B. I know he is," Alice said firmly.

            "He is? Do you know something I don't? Because he's not acting like it."

            I saw Rose's eyes dart to Alice and then back to me. "Bella, don't do this."

            "What the fuck does that mean? You know something, don't you?"

            "B," Alice tried to soothe me.

            "Stop it. You don't want to know." Rose was always so level headed.

            I stared at her for a second; she had a point. "I don't know if I do or not." I flopped down, sitting on the second step with a sigh. "What if he doesn't want to marry me?"

            My voice broke and I felt tears start to slide down my face before the girls sandwiched me into a hug.

            "That's not what's going on, Bella," Rose said quietly.

            "He loves you so much," Alice added.

            I sighed again. "I don't know you guys, did I do something wrong? Like, did he want to get engaged before, but something has changed? I mean, what is he waiting for?"

            "I don't know," Rose said with her own sigh. "Things have been busy. We barely got through with one wedding and we started planning another. Maybe he's just waiting until the two of you have your own time, but I don't think he's changed his mind."

            Alice had scooted to the step above me. She put her arms around me and I leaned back between her legs. "I'm sure he's planning some elaborate proposal."

            Of course Alice thought that. She was the ultimate romantic, and I wanted to believe she was right. "I hope that's it."

            We sat there quietly for a few minutes. It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, I just don't think any of us knew what to say.

            I let out a deep breath and stood. "I think I'm done here tonight, girls. I just need to go home and relax or drink a couple of glasses of wine—or overdose on ice cream and crawl into bed."

            They nodded and murmured agreements, hugging me again, before I headed up the stairs with a heavy heart.

            **0)~~'~~,~~~**

            I trudged up the sidewalk to the condo, torn between being glad I didn't have any wedding related projects to do and being lonely because Edward was working late, again.

            I'd decided to self-medicate with a tub of Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra and a private showing of Pirates of the Caribbean, the original. It would work for a day or two, but then I'd be back to being depressed and confused. Ultimately, I knew that I needed to just suck it up and talk to Edward, but I didn't have the energy. I was sticking to my goal of getting through Alice's wedding, then I would deal with things.

            I was feeling sorry for myself as I opened the door, thinking how much it would suck if Edward and I broke up, but my thoughts died when I took in the scene before me. Edward was in the kitchen with his back to me lifting something out of a bag and onto the counter.

            He turned to face me, dazzling me with his smile. "Hey! Surprise!"

            "Hey to you, too. What are you doing here? Wait—that came out wrong." I laughed as I tried to figure out what was going on. I cocked my head. "Are you making dinner?"

            It was his turn to laugh. "I'm not even going to try to lie; it's take out." He stepped aside and I had a better view of styrofoam containers stacked on the counter next to a few serving dishes.

            "Okay, but I thought you were working a double?"

            I stood in the doorway, not sure what to do with myself. Edward came over, grabbing my purse and keys, setting them on the side table where I normally kept them. He cupped my cheek, running a thumb under my eye.

            His forehead crinkled in concern. "Have you been crying?"

            "A little, but I'm okay." I leaned into his hand. I wasn't ready to tell him the real reason I'd been crying. "The wedding hormones are getting a little out of control."

            "Wedding hormones?" He laughed. "I don't think that's a real phenomenon."

            I raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? Have you spoken to your sister in the last week?"

            "Okay, maybe there's something to it."

            "Something," I muttered, moving into the dining room. The table was immaculately set with a gorgeous silver candelabra and china that he must have gotten from Esme; I'd never seen any of it before. I looked over my shoulder at him. "How long have you been home?" He shrugged, trying to be mysterious and I had to laugh. "What's going on?"

            "What?" he teased. "Can't I surprise you with a good meal and a night in together?"

            "You can, of course you can. I'm just confused; I was supposed to be with Rose and Alice making centerpieces all night."

            "Right," he said, and I saw that his cheeks were a little pink. He cleared his throat. "They—ah— they had instructions to send you home. Alice was going to ask you to come get some ribbon or something you bought for the ceremony—and surprise!" He made jazz hands and I burst out laughing. "I was going to be here with everything ready."

            Sensing I was still feeling a little off, he sighed and pulled me into his arms. His voice was quiet, "Things have just been a kind of nuts lately. I wanted to do something nice for you and squeeze in a night just for us."

            I held him a little tighter, taking deep breaths. "That sounds really good, Edward. Thank you."

            His hands smoothed down my hair and landed on my shoulders. "Why don't I get you some wine and you can relax while I finish dishing things up?"

            I nodded, glancing down at my feet for a second. Instead of steadying myself, it made me realize he wasn't wearing scrubs but had on dark jeans and a golf shirt. I felt under-dressed in my ratty jeans and chucks.

            "Let me go change real quick and I'll take you up on that."

            "Don't change, unless you're putting on something more comfortable—or taking it all off." He waggled his eyebrows at me with a sexy smirk.

            Shaking my head at him, I grinned. "Such a flirt." I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. "I'll be right back."

            Going down the hall, I went into our room and closed the door, leaning against it with a heavy sigh. Leave it to Edward to do something amazing and throw me completely off balance yet again. I bit my lip, trying to figure out what was really going on. This dinner could be a really good thing or a really bad thing.

            Of course the bad was so much easier to believe than the good; it always was. What was I going to do if this was all so he could tell me he was happy with things the way they were and he didn't want to get married? Or worse yet, what if he was truly upset about seeing Garrett talking to me and thought we needed to cool down, or take a step back? Somehow I'd turned into the uncertain girl I hadn't been in years. Stupid Barbie—stupid dance club—stupid childish insecurities.

            I wasn't sure of anything with Edward anymore, except that I loved him and it would probably kill me to lose him. Whatever it was that was happening, I couldn't hide from it. I found some yoga pants in my drawer and changed, taking a deep breath before I joined Edward again.

            True to his word, he'd poured me a nice glass of Merlot. He'd also turned some music on and Ray Lamontagne played softly in the dining room as he finished bringing the food to the table.

            I looked at the food and saw pasta, salad and a loaf of french bread. I smiled, realizing he'd picked up dinner at Panevino Trattoria. It was one of our favorites, but we rarely made it there to eat in the restaurant, we just grabbed take out for 'dates.'

            We talked quietly as we ate, but it was nothing of importance. Edward was sending me a lot of mixed messages, which was kind of freaking me out. He smiled at me a lot and at one point he lifted my hand to his lips for a gentle kiss, but he also seemed distracted, staring past me into space once or twice and his leg had bounced with nerves so much he made the silverware on the table rattle. I wanted to believe the positive signs, but everything else was making me nervous.

            I tried not to think the worst as he went to the kitchen to get coffee and dessert. Maybe nothing was going to happen. Maybe it really was just a nice dinner for the two of us. Maybe I needed to take a couple of deep breaths before I had a panic attack.

            Edward came back balancing plates of panna cotta and two steaming mugs. With his elbows on the table he leaned forward, sipping his coffee. He watched me for a second, then frowned, setting his drink down and reaching out to feel my forehead.

            "Are you okay? You look pale."

            "I'm fine, just tired." I forced a smile, trying not to look too freaked out.

            He bit his lip, which was usually my move, and raised his eyebrows at me. "It's been pretty rough lately, yeah?"

            I nodded, thinking about Russian Barbie and her endless supply of vodka and misunderstandings on the dance floor.

            "I can't believe how busy we've been. I feel like I've hardly seen you."

            I was still smiling at him, but inside I was really confused. Busy? That's what he thought had made it a rough lately? Were we living in the same relationship?

            He scooted his chair towards me and reached forward to take my hand. His thumb stroked over the inside of my wrist. "Thank you—for putting up with all of my residency bull shit. I know I'm not easy to live with, and that never knowing when I'll be around is a complete pain in the ass."

            Nodding again, I found myself looking into his eyes. "It's been worth it."

            "Past tense?" He gave me a teasing smile.

            "What? No, I didn't mean that!" I shook my head and started to feel sick again. I looked down at our joined hands then back at him. "Edward, what's going on?"

            "Hey, stop freaking out," he said gently. He scooted his chair even closer so our knees were touching and rubbed my back with one hand. "Nothing's going on; everything's fine."

            I looked at him for a few seconds, then excused myself to go to the kitchen to replace my coffee with another glass of wine. He wasn't even trying to hide his laughter when I sat back down at the table.

            "What?" I asked before I took sip.

            "Seriously?"

            "Wedding hormones," I mumbled, but his chuckle let me know he heard me.

            "It's not even your wedding!"

            _Exactly_ , I thought, while on the outside I tried to smile.

            He shook his head, still laughing a little. "You're not making this easy..."

            I felt my face fall and my stomach lurched. "I'm not making what easy?"

            He sighed, leaning in to put our foreheads together. "Belly, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, do you know that?" He paused and licked his lips. "I can't imagine getting through my residency—or anything else really—without you. I used to think people were full of crap when they talked about soul mates and finding their other halves, and then I let myself really fall for you."

            I gasped a little, realizing what was going on.

            "I get it now. I can't imagine myself with anyone else, ever. I think about my future and it's you and me, and our family. Please, tell me you feel the same way." He slid down to one knee on the floor beside me, pulling a little blue box out of his pocket.

            I let out a small sob as I watched him open the box and my hand flew up to cover my mouth.

            "Isabella Swan, will you marry me?"

            Tears rolled down my cheeks as I nodded my head over and over like a human bobble-head.

            "Say the words, B. Please, say yes."

            I giggled and dropped myself down into his lap, wrapping my arms around him, and he steadied himself on the floor. "Yes, of course. Yes! Yes! Yes!"

            He exhaled in relief and held me tight for a few seconds, then sat back and kissed me, laughing into my mouth when he finally pulled away. "Do you even want to put the ring on?"

            "Oh my god! Yes!"

            I held out my left hand as he took the ring from the box and slid it on my finger. He didn't release my hand right away, but held it in between us as we both examined the ring and how it looked on my hand. It was a simple platinum band with an emerald cut diamond and tapered baguettes on each side. It was beautiful. And perfect. And I found myself crying again. I leaned forward, trying to kiss him even as my tear drops slid down my cheeks and fell onto his shirt.

            He pulled back from me after a second, tilting his head but keeping his eyes on mine as he tucked some hair behind my ear. "What's going on in there?"

            Wiping my eyes, I glanced down at the ring and then back up at him. I closed my eyes and asked the question that I couldn't get out of my head.

            "Are you sure about this? You're not just asking because it's what I want, right?"

            "Isabella, please look at me," he said quietly. "I want to marry you. I want to spend my life with you. What are you thinking?"

            He was so patient. I couldn't believe how calm he was, but it was certainly helping steady my nerves. "I just...I mean...Fuck. I don't know. There's been all of the weird stuff lately. Bitch Barbie. Jealousward. I've just been freaked out."

            The corner of his mouth lifted. "Jealousward? Nice."

            I shrugged. "You went a little caveman at the bar. What was that about?"

            He shook his head like he didn't really know. "Jealousy—insecurity—alcohol. I think that sums it up."

            "Edward..."

            "God, Bella, I don't know how to explain it." He ran his hands through his hair. "Do you have any idea how long I've waited to propose? I mean, I told Charlie I was going to marry you the weekend of Jake's wedding, that's how I ended up drinking that damn moonshine with him."

            "What did he say?" I was sure it couldn't have been good.

            He grinned. "He said I didn't deserve you, but that he knew I made you happy. So he made me drink that shit and tell him all the reasons why I love you and how I plan to keep you happy."

            "He didn't?" I asked, laughing. Leave it to Charlie to make Edward lay his heart on the line.

            "Of course he did," he laughed. "Anyway, I've been planning this—forever. I was going to ask you after Rose and Em got married, then Alice and Jasper got engaged and I freaked out about my mother not being around—it wasn't just about Alice, I wanted her there for me, too. That really threw me off; I hadn't missed my parents like that in years."

            Taking a deep breath, he took my hand in his, looking at my ring again. "You know, I had every intention of proposing to you in the meadow by my parent's, but it's impossible for the two of us to have enough time to get up there together. I tried, and our plans to go home for the weekend fell through—twice."

            "So, that's why you've been acting crazy?" I chuckled, thinking that I'd been acting just as weird.

            "Yeah, I guess." He smiled. "When I saw you on the dance floor and he put his hands on you..." He shook his head. "It wasn't that I was jealous, not at first—Jesus, Bella, the look on your face when you realized it wasn't me behind you? You looked terrified and I felt so far away. I was scared for you, and I was pissed at him and myself. I wasn't jealous until he said you were hot, then I wanted to kick his ass."

            "Did you see him try to give me a water? He meant I looked hot, literally."

            "He did?" Edward laughed. "I must have missed that, you know, when I was focused on not tearing his balls off."

            "Must be." I sighed. "I love that you were worried about me. I hadn't really thought of that, but the jealousy? There's no need for it."

            "I know that, usually. Everything just sort of came together..."

            "Wedding hormones?" I giggled.

            "Something like that—smart ass. Anyway, you wanted to talk about it, but I knew it was a one-off. And that I'd end up saying something ridiculous like, just marry me already...so I just avoided the topic."

            "I noticed," I said rolling my eyes. "What happened to all of your, 'we have to communicate' messages? Those don't apply to you?"

            "They do, of course they do." He smiled sadly at me. "I'm sorry."

            "All right, here's me communicating, okay? You're it for me. You don't need to be jealous, and you certainly don't have anything to be insecure about."

            "Back at ya, Swan," he said, a true smile coming back to his face. "I love you. I love everything about you. And Bitch Barbie, Slutty Barbie, Sneezey Barbie—it doesn't matter; you're the only one I want."

            I looked into his eyes, and felt his fingers still gently playing with my engagement ring, I believed him.

            "What Barbie am I?" I teased.

            He threw his head back laughing before he answered me.

            "Mine."

            I could live with that.


	16. Forever and Ever, Amen

            I was nervous about our engagement stealing some of Alice's wedding thunder, but Edward assured me that he hadn't told anyone what he was planning. As far as everyone knew, he was just surprising me with dinner. We discussed it, and although we both wanted to scream from the rooftops that we were engaged, we decided to keep it to ourselves until after the wedding. The only person we'd told was Charlie, and he was heading to the reservation to fish the weekend of the wedding. We didn't need to worry about him telling anyone besides Billy Black.

            Alice tried to coordinate another sleepover the night before her wedding. I was anxious to get home and as soon as Rose hesitated, I knew we could get out of it. I hated taking my engagement ring off for the rehearsal, but I knew it was the best choice. I'd already McGuyver'd a hiding place for it during the wedding because I couldn't bear to leave it anywhere. Rose was smooth, arguing her reasons for wanting to go home, and I followed her lead. We somehow convinced Alice that it was very important for her to spend her last unmarried night with Carlisle and Esme in their hotel suite. It made sense with her early morning spa appointment.

            Instead of announcing anything, we shared intimate little moments during the rehearsal. Grinning at each other over our champagne glasses; Edward's finger sneaking under the strap of my dress, to caress my collarbone; my hand, hidden by his suit jacket, sliding into the top of his waistband. Those secret, tender exchanges meant more to me than they ever had before.

            Alice and Jasper's wedding and reception were being held in the Great Hall at Union Station. It was a massive room with a barrel-vaulted ceiling, antique flooring and classic archways. The room was decorated in classic black and white with red accents. Alice had always been a big fan of Audrey Hepburn, in particular, the dress that her character wore to the Larrabee's garden party in the movie _Sabrina_. It was a strapless white ball gown with chains of black embroidered flowers on it. The dress itself was tea length and column shaped and had a removable skirt that created a fuller silhouette. She had coordinated their entire wedding around a modernized version of the gown. Jasper indulged her in everything she wanted, but actually, I think he knew he'd never be able to stop her.

            Our coordinating bridesmaid dresses were floor length black satin. They were strapless with a wide, gathered white satin band at the waist. Like all of the previous bridesmaid dresses I had worn, they were simple yet classic, and something I would never wear again. I'd given most of them away to a charity that provided prom dresses for girls who couldn't afford them. I'd do the same with this one. It actually made spending the money on it a little less painful. Instead of thinking of how much I had spent on the weddings, I focused on the fact that I was eventually using the dresses to pay it forward.

            Alice insisted we all wear bright red lipstick for the ceremony and when I say red—I mean the exact shade of a fire engine, red. I was leaning forward checking my lipstick in the mirror for the tenth time, because I was terrified to have it smeared like blood across my face, when Rose bumped me out of the way with her hip.

            "Move it, Swan. You're hogging the mirror."

            "Fuck off," I joked, then paused and laughed because I didn't know what to call her. "Did you decide what your last name is going to be?"

            "Yeah." She made a perfect pout and applied another layer of lipstick. "I'm going to hyphenate, but just use Hale at the hospital. That way when Emmett acts like total fuck up they won't always associate him with me."

            "He's going to be a doctor—he can't act like a fuck up anymore."

            "You do come visit us at work, right? Have you seen the elaborate pranks those doctors pull? It's like they put so much time and energy in to an education that they have to do dumb shit to prove their still human or something." She chuckled. "They're all big children and Em is the ringleader. Anyway, Hale at work, otherwise Hale-McCarty."

            Alice had asked us to wear our hair down because Jasper's two cousins who were standing up with us also had long hair. Rose fluffed her blond locks and pushed her chest out, taking a good look at herself in the mirror.

            "And you, Miss Swan? I know you've been writing Mrs. Edward Cullen on your notebook since junior high school. Will you finally take his name after all of these years?" She turned away from the mirror and smiled at me. "Because he is going to ask you—any day now."

            "Thanks, Rose. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I haven't mentioned it to Edward, but I was thinking maybe we could both hyphenate."

            She laughed so loud that Esme shushed her. "Doctor Cullen-Swan? That's _so_ not happening, Bella."

            "No! You know how Alice and Edward's last name was originally Masen-Cullen, but they dropped the Masen part when Esme and Carlisle adopted them? I was going to maybe ask him if we could both be Masen-Cullen's."

            Rose's eyes started to tear up and I felt mine do the same. "Bells, I think he would love that." She took a deep breath and blinked a few times before starting to laugh. "Bitch, I can't believe you almost made me cry before the wedding!"

            I laughed along with her. "Sorry! You asked me."

            Alice came over to join us. "What are you two laughing about?" She continued without waiting for an answer. "Rose, move over so I can check my mascara; Esme made me cry."

            Rose and I both laughed even harder and Alice stuck her tongue out at us before checking her hair and makeup.

            There was a knock on the door and although we all knew what it meant, Esme called out, "It's time, ladies."

            I reached out and squeezed Alice's hand. "Ready?"

            She nodded, giving both Rose and I a brief sad look before taking a deep breath. When she exhaled, she looked completely calm and in control. I knew that her hesitation wasn't because she was going to be the center of attention, or because she and Jasper were getting married. Just like Edward, she had mentioned her disappointment at not having her mother and father at her wedding. She was thrilled to have Carlisle walk her down the aisle; but it wasn't the same.

            We moved into the ballroom to line up, standing behind a screen that separated the ceremony and reception areas. Esme whispered quietly to Alice and gave her a hug as she handed her off to Carlisle and made her way to the front of the line. Edward came to stand next to me, his hand sliding low on my hip as he gave me a sideways hug to avoid messing up my make-up or squishing my flowers.

            "You think this will be the last time we do this before it's our turn?" he whispered.

            "Christ, I hope so. We don't know anyone else that needs to get married."

            "I heard Carlisle and Esme talking about renewing their vows."

            "You did not!" My voice was louder than I intended and I blushed at calling attention to myself, but for just a second, I'd been jealous that someone else might get to walk down the aisle before we did.

            "No, I didn't. I just wanted to scare you."

            " _So_ not funny, Doctor Cullen," I said, slapping his arm and trying not to laugh.

            He kissed my temple and laughed. I was glad for the humor; we'd had a few moments during pictures where I thought I was going to cry or go crazy and just scream at someone that we were engaged already. My little outburst had caught everyone's eye and I was starting to feel like it might just be easier to tell our friends and family than trying to save the news for later.

            Edward looked gorgeous in a tux. He always did. In all honesty, I'd been imagining my wedding to Edward since childhood, but ever since we'd moved in together, they'd gotten more elaborate or at least more detailed—you couldn't get much more elaborate than Alice's wedding.

            As we shuffled forward into the ballroom before walking down the aisle, I tried to really picture us as the couple getting married. From the classic architecture, to the chocolate stars covered in red foil scattered on the tables to represent Jasper's home state of Texas; the ballroom was beautiful. It truly was Alice's dream come, true but somehow all of the glitz and glitter just didn't seem like us. Then again, I didn't really know what our style was, but I knew Alice would have great suggestions. She probably had the whole thing planned already.

            Edward and I walked slowly down the aisle, and I was acutely aware of every eye on us. Could they see how happy we were? Could they tell that we were both thinking that we'd soon be the ones walking down the aisle? My smile got even wider at that thought and Edward squeezed my elbow as if he could read my thoughts.

            When we reached the altar, his hand slid down my forearm and clasped my fingers for a split second before he let go and crossed to stand behind Emmett. The music changed and Jasper's eyes were fixed on Alice as she and Carlisle made their way towards us. He looked at her with total adoration. When I glanced over to make sure Edward was holding up all right, I found his eyes already watching me, a ridiculous grin on his face. I smiled back and tried to focus on the ceremony, but my eyes kept drifting back to Edward.

            The minister explained that the two red roses on the altar were in honor of Alice's mother and father. Rose stood behind me and I could hear her sniffling as I struggled not to cry myself. I reached behind me and found her hand with mine. She squeezed my hand in return and quieted, though I wasn't entirely sure who was comforting who.

            Jasper had chosen a Native American wedding blessing and his cousin came forward to do the reading. Alice wasn't particularly fond of that blessing, and I smiled as I listened, knowing that being with Jasper had really taught her how to make compromises.

            They spoke vows that they each had written; neither was able to speak them without pausing to wipe away tears. They were beautiful and personal, with both saying they had been blessed to find their other half.

            When the minister finally announced, "You may now kiss the bride," the guests cheered and clapped. Edward and I were one step closer to our future, and I suddenly couldn't wait for Alice to get home from her honeymoon so we could start planning. I realized I should probably figure out how to tell her before they left the reception to catch their flight.

            We posed for more pictures with the newlyweds, and then made our way to the back of the large room for cocktails and a receiving line. We chatted with the wedding guests, some were friends and others were Jasper's friends or relatives from Texas. His parents were at the front of the line with Carlisle and Esme and his father's booming laugh interrupted the hum of conversation from time to time.

            When the guests had all made it through the line to congratulate Alice and Jasper, we had time to mingle. Edward went to the bar for cocktails and I managed to piece together a cheese plate with what was left of the appetizers. Rose cornered me and tried to steal the pepper jack cubes; I figured they would have given me bad breath anyway, so I let her have them.

            Edward had been gone for a while and I wanted to go look for him, but I kept getting stopped by people to chat. My debate coach whose wife worked with Carlisle at the hospital, Mrs. Cope from the high school office, Mike's parents, Jasper's cousin's husband; I couldn't get away.

            When I was finally able to escape I spotted Edward across the room, he was standing near the bar with Carlisle and Emmett. They seemed to be in deep conversation as they sipped drinks, both men listening intently to Edward. As I approached, they broke into smiles and I watched Carlisle pat Edward on the back and give him a quick hug. Emmett slapped his brother on the head, then laughed and shook his hand.

            I shook my head a little, thinking to myself that Edward was a push over. I had a feeling that he had just filled them in on our secret.

            "Gentlemen," I teased, "penny for your thoughts." They turned quickly, clearly startled as they greeted me.

            "Isabella!" Carlisle chuckled. "Have a told you how lovely you look tonight?"

            "Nice try," I laughed as Edward slid an arm around my waist. "What's the top secret news you're all over here whispering about?"

            "Oh, I think you know," Emmett joked.

            "What's that supposed to mean?" There was no way I was saying anything on the outside chance that Edward hadn't told them our news.

            "It means," he said, trying to sound serious, "that I finally told Edward I'm leaving Rose for you."

            Edward rolled his eyes and I laughed, raising my eyebrow at Emmett. "Really? How'd he take the news?"

            "Better than I did," Rose answered and Emmett nearly jumped out of his skin. She was behind him, and I couldn't see her hands, so I'm not sure if he jumped at the sound of her voice or if she'd pinched his ass.

            "Oh shit, baby. You know I'm kidding!"

            He turned and pulled her into his arms, whispering apologies in her ear. She whispered something back, and they suddenly looked like they wanted to rip each other's clothes off.

            Carlisle stepped closer to them. "Let's keep this PG, you two," he said, chuckling.

            "Sorry," Emmett said sheepishly.

            Rose laughed and stepped away from her husband, who was jamming one hand in his pocket to either adjust his pants or attempt to hide his arousal.

            Carlisle just shook his head. "You kids are lucky I'm a young father; an older man might not have survived you."

            Edward gave me a little squeeze and kissed the top of my head as Esme approached and told us it was time to make our way to the head table for dinner.

            The dinner Alice had planned was seated, with your choice of steak or chicken with mixed vegetables. Both dishes also came with tamales which Jasper's grandmother had shipped overnight from her favorite place in Texas.

            During the cocktail hour, the event staff had been hard at work on the other side of the fabric screens that separated the two areas of the ballroom. As we took our seats, the screens were moved to reveal a large wooden dance floor with a D.J. booth, and a gorgeous four tiered black and white wedding cake where the ceremony had taken place just an hour before.

            After the minister said grace, the microphone was handed to Edward to make his toast. I was nervous for him. I knew he was pretty emotional about his parent's absence as well as the revelation that Alice wasn't his baby sister anymore.

            Edward cleared his throat and smiled down at his sister for a second before facing the guests. "You may know that my sister and I have been through a lot together. Despite the hard times, I've always thought that we were pretty lucky. We're lucky to have had not one, but two sets of amazing parents. We were given an amazing brother in Emmett and the great community of Forks to grow up in." The crowd laughed a little; probably half of the guests were from Forks as well.

            "Speaking of luck, only Alice would go to Spain and come back with a new career goal and a soul mate." There was more laughter from the guests, and then he got a little more serious. "I was all the way across the world when she called to tell me she'd met 'the one.' I doubted her until I met him; then I knew she was right. Jasper has this way about him...it's hard to describe, but if you know him you understand. He is the calming force that keeps Alice grounded and she is the light in his eyes. I'm lucky to gain Jasper as a brother. Ladies and gentlemen, to Jasper and Alice Whitlock—may they have a life together full of luck and love."

            I wiped my eyes as he raised his champagne glass. The room was filled with murmurs of 'hear, hear' and 'to Alice and Jasper.' I lifted my glass with everyone and clinked glasses with Emmett who was sitting on my left. Edward sat down and I leaned over, taking his face in my hands.

            I kissed him gently. "That was beautiful."

            He brushed my hair over my shoulder and his hand slid to the back of my neck. "I love you," he sighed, tilting his head to kiss my forehead. I closed my eyes loving the feeling of being close to him, even in the middle of a crowded ballroom. The sound of Carlisle's voice over the sound system startled me, and I looked up to see him with the microphone, standing next to the parent's table, the confused DJ next to him looking lost.

            "Sorry, for breaking protocol, I just need to say a few words." He paused for a second, smiling at Alice. "I think Edward is right. It hasn't always been the case, but for quite some time our whole family has traveled under a lucky star. My wife and I have been blessed with three wonderful children. Today, as Alice and Jasper celebrate the beginning of their lives together, we have even more to celebrate."

            There were ripples of questions and chuckles throughout the room. I glanced at Edward wondering what was going on. He grinned and gave me a small shrug before turning to Alice and whispering, "Sorry, you know how he is."

            "What?" she laughed, looking confused. "What's going on?"

            Carlisle cleared his throat. "My other children have held back their own joy to let their baby sister have her special day."

            Alice's eyes got wide as she looked at both of her brothers. I was sandwiched between them, and I knew without even looking, they were both embarrassed that Carlisle was outing them. I knew I was and I didn't even know what Emmett was being outed for.

            "Boys, you know Alice would never forgive you for waiting to tell her." He gave a small nod to his sons. I was too mesmerized to comprehend what he expected of them, but they seemed to know.

            Emmett stood, reaching down to Rose and I realized Edward was mirroring his movements. My eyes were on Edward when I heard Alice gasp. I followed her eyes and started to laugh. Emmett was grinning like a fool, rubbing his hand over Rose's slightly rounded stomach. In typical Emmett form, he shrugged and gave his sister a lopsided smile. She squealed and moved quicker than I'd have thought possible in her wedding dress to hug both Emmett and Rose. I'm pretty sure I heard Esme scream, as well.

            "Three months," Rose said, grinning as Emmett held up his fingers for the guests who couldn't hear her.

            The room was full of cheers and clapping and I was still laughing at Alice's excitement until she whirled around and grabbed my left hand. She held it up and looked confused as she took in my naked ring finger. She looked at Edward for a second and then her eyes met mine. I saw them grow impossibly wide before I realized what she was thinking.

            We spoke at the same time. "Oh my God! You, too?" "No! Not that!"

            I quickly reached up the to the bodice of my dress, a little mortified at my chosen hiding place. I fumbled with the safety pin for just a second before managing to pull my engagement ring out. I felt Edward's hands on my hips and heard him lightly chuckle in my ear as I slid the ring on and Alice dissolved into happy tears.

            "I can't believe you weren't going to tell me!"

            Edward reached around me and put his hand on her arm. "We were going to tell you, Alice—as soon as you got home from your honeymoon."

            It had all happened very quickly and the guests were still reacting to our news, filling the ballroom with laughter and clapping again. It was static in the background to me as I was more focused on the friends around me. Emmett high-fived his brother and Rose leaned over to kiss my cheek and get a better look at the ring.

            "We'll talk later, missy," she teased, trying to sound upset with me. I knew she was thrilled for us though, and besides, she had some explaining of her own to do.

            Carlisle cleared his throat again and the room quieted. He raised his champagne glass towards us and grinned. "May all of your families be as lucky in as ours." He sipped his drink and chuckled. "And on that happy note, let's all eat and enjoy ourselves."

            By that time Esme had wound her way behind the head table to hug everyone. She had made it through the wedding without crying, but she couldn't hold back her tears anymore. She and Alice were a sobby mess. Jasper rubbed his new wife's back with one hand while using the other to shake hands with first Emmett and then Edward.

            Even though the waiters had begun serving dinner, no one seemed to want to break out of our little huddle. Once someone released me from a hug and said congratulations, another family member was holding me tight. There were only eight of us, but it seemed like an endless circle. Finally, Emmett told Rose he was going to eat her steak if she didn't sit down and we all dispersed to our seats.

            Alice slapped Edward's arm. "I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

            "I'm sorry!" he whispered, rubbing his arm. "This was supposed to be your day. You know how Carlisle is—he just knew and I couldn't deny it, then he looked at Emmett and he can't keep anything a secret..."

            She laughed, shaking her head but smiling. "It's fine, really, Edward. It's still my day. Everything has been perfect. I'm glad Carlisle told everyone, it was an unexpected wedding gift." She narrowed her eyes and leaned closer to whisper, "But if you two get pregnant before us..."

            We all laughed, and I was glad she was taking it so well. I guess I should have known she would. I mean, Alice definitely enjoyed being the center of attention, but she also liked to celebrate everyone else's good news.

            I glanced over at Rose and Emmett, smiling as I thought about their news at well. I couldn't believe she'd been keeping her news a secret too, but they'd probably been waiting to get through the first trimester before making an announcement.

            "Now you—" Alice said, getting my attention and pointing her finger at me, "You're telling me everything after dinner. You just earned yourself bathroom duty to help me hold my dress while I pee."

            I rolled my eyes at her and laughed. "I might need Rose's help."

            Alice giggled. "Oh, she'll come with us, but she'll be holding my dress later when we're drunk."

            "Good plan." She nodded and I knew we were okay.

            Emmett started clinking his spoon on his water glass to get the newlyweds to kiss, and she turned away from me, her arms sliding around her Jasper.

            Edward leaned close, putting his arm along the back of my chair. "Just think," he whispered, "we're next."

            "We've had enough practice walking down the aisle," I joked.

            "Think you can manage the walk without me?"

            I raised an eyebrow. "Think you can meet me and Charlie at the end?"

            He grinned, casually moving a bit of my hair over my shoulder. "I do."


	17. Teach Your Children

            It became evident in the early stages that I was not cut out for wedding planning. You would think that with all of the weddings I had been in I would have known that going into things, but I didn't. I was excited to make decisions and plan the perfect day—until I had to start making decisions to plan the perfect day. Everything looked so similar, or on the other hand, completely different and wrong. There were hundreds of little things to decide and even more to choose between. It was really overwhelming for me, but to Alice, it was second nature.

            "That's nothing like you."  
 "You won't like the way that smells."  
 "That company has a horrible reputation."  
 "You cannot do that."  
 "That's bad for the environment."  
 "Edward will love that."  
 "That is perfect."

            While I thought the first step would be picking a dress, Alice disagreed. "No, Bella—you have to book a venue first and then build around that."

            I gave her one of those looks that said I had no idea what she was talking about and she rolled her eyes.

            "You can't spend thousands of dollars on your dress and get married on the beach.."

            Thousands of dollars on a dress...who was she kidding? And the beach? When had she ever known me to go to a beach? I gave her another look, pretty much the same one I'd already given her.

            She shook her head at me. "Bad example, but you know what I mean? You can't spend a fortune on the dress and then cut corners; there's a balance."

            "That makes more sense." I nodded; she'd finally said something I understood.

            The budget had been another issue that we'd had to deal with straight away. I was a little concerned that a wedding on the Swan family budget might not live up to the Cullen family standards. My mother hadn't put away a dime for my future, and I was afraid that what Charlie had saved would only be enough to cover my wedding dress.

            I was wrong though, because when my father and I sat down and talked about money he completely surprised me. It turned out that when my granny Swan had passed away when I was thirteen, she'd left me $20,000. Thanks to my scholarship to U-dub, and the investment advice of Carmen from First Federal Bank, he still had the full amount put away for me. Edward assured me that he would cover anything over that if we needed it, but I was adamant that we were sticking to the budget.

            Edward and I agreed that we didn't particularly need or want a church wedding. Neither of us had attended church much since high school. It had sparked a discussion that maybe we should find a church in Seattle to attend, but we didn't feel right getting married in some random church that we didn't belong to.

            Less than two weeks after her honeymoon, Alice had set up appointments for us to look at sites that would work for both the wedding and reception. She assured me that it was fine if I didn't find the place I wanted right away. She had a theory about how anything I didn't like would help her understand what I wanted. It made sense, in a spooky Alice kind of way.

            First she drove me out to the Peirce County Environmental Services Building. It was an unremarkable office building on an amazing piece of land. It had potential, but it wasn't the one. Then she took me to an art gallery that had amazing natural light, but again—it wasn't right. It felt modern and funky, and truthfully more Alice than me.

            Next we saw a giant loft that was like a blank canvas. Alice described all of the things we could do with it—seating areas here, ceremony there, bistro tables and cocktails near the fireplace. I could picture us there, but I wasn't sure. Alice said that meant we had to keep looking.

            The following weekend she took me to a boutique hotel to see their ballroom and to a banquet hall that looked out over the Sound. I started to get irritated while Alice just kept asking me questions trying to narrow down what I wanted.

            We stopped for lunch and I ordered a margarita. Alice raised an eyebrow and I shrugged.

            "What?"

            "It's kind of early for that," she scoffed.

            "Ya think?"

            "Don't get pissy with me. I'm trying to help."

            "I know." I sighed and rested my chin on my hand as I swirled the straw in my drink. "Thank you. I know this is only the beginning, but I keep thinking if it's this hard to figure out where I want to get married, the rest of it is going to be a nightmare."

            "Oh, sweetie," she chuckled. "That's where you're wrong. This is the decision that sets the tone for everything else."

            "What if that's backwards? What if I pick a location and then go fall in love with a dress that clashes?"

            "You won't," she said, waving her fork at me. "I mean it could happen, but it's not going to."

            "How can you be so sure?"

            "Because I've known you forever." She gave me a knowing smile. "I've seen the dresses you've picked out in my Bride magazines over the years—I know what you like."

            "I guess we'll see, right?"

            She nodded. "You'll see."

            We finished lunch and she said we had two more places to check out. One was close to the condo, and the other was in Georgetown so we headed there first. Alice walked in ahead of me, rambling on about salvaged architectural details and exposed brickwork. I had barely made it through the doorway when I stopped to dig for my phone.

            I sent Edward a two word text message: **Found it.**

            Alice kept walking as I started snapping pictures. She was in the middle of the room before she realized I wasn't right behind her. Before I could send him the first picture, Edward called me. Alice turned around at the sound of his ring-tone, grinning at the look of wonder on my face.

            "Hey," I said, answering the phone. "How late are you working?"

            Edward laughed. "Until tomorrow."

            "Oh crap! I forgot," I laughed. "Okay. Well, I'll figure out when you can come see this place, but—it's so cool."

            Alice was bouncing with excitement. "You're going to love it!" she said, leaning toward my phone. Edward and I both laughed.

            "Let me put you on speaker," I told him. "I didn't even hear all of Alice's sale's pitch."

            "Edward, you're going to love it!"

            She launched into a description of the Georgetown Ballroom, telling us that parts of the building had been both a garage and the Mission Theater. It had high ceilings, gorgeous brickwork and cool vintage signs throughout. It had a fun, retro, hip vibe that was perfect for us. We weren't beachy or modern. We weren't fashion icons or sports fanatics. We were quirky and sometimes goofy, and he really was going to love it.

            After we booked the location everything else sort of fell into place. I found my dress at the second bridal store we visited. It was a strapless ivory silk gown with a lace and embroidered tulle overskirt and a bow at the waist. It was gorgeous, and the subtle details on the skirt were just enough to make it not appear too plain.

            Thanks to Alice dragging us all to the wedding expo before Emmett and Rose got married, Edward and I already had an idea of what caterer and baker we wanted. The DJ we liked wasn't available, but he recommended a friend who it turned out knew Emmett. The guy was also familiar with Georgetown Ballroom and told us that they actually had a great sound system if we wanted to do it ourselves. Edward and I were hesitant, but there was really no stopping Emmett once he got the idea in his head that he could be our DJ/Emcee; and it would definitely help with the budget.

            Edward continued to be busy, but he wanted to be involved. Alice made her infamous to-do lists for both of us and I left him notes and messages when we couldn't talk. He took charge of planning a brief honeymoon and managed to carve out enough time off that we could get away for three days. He wouldn't tell me anything other than I should buy a new bikini.

            Rose's pregnancy forced Alice to put the wedding planning duties on the back burner. It was actually nice to have some else be the center of attention for a bit. We had six months until the wedding, so once the reservations and down payments were made she got down to the business of planning the baby shower.

            Rose refused to tell anyone whether she was having a boy or a girl which I think was mostly just to make Emmett crazy. The baby's room had been painted a soft sky blue with murals of trees and small birds on the walls.

            Alice decided if she couldn't do a pink _or_ blue theme, she would just do both. She planned an elaborate dinner party that masqueraded as a couples shower with pink and blue polk-a-dots and miniature everything: hors d'oeuvre, cupcakes, petit fours, Cuban coffee and tiny cocktails.

            Edward and I sat on the love seat together watching as Rose opened a gift. She held up a gorgeous leopard print blanket. Like everything else they'd received it was small and really seemed to put in perspective exactly how little the baby would be. I'd been to baby showers in the past, and normally seeing all of the diapers and bottles the newborn would need was enough to make me rush home and take my birth control pill. But suddenly, with my own wedding on the horizon, the idea of Edward and I having children of our own wasn't quite so frightening. I sighed when Emmett opened the next gift and pulled out an adorable stuffed giraffe. Edward's arm was around me and he squeezed my shoulder.

            "Soon," he whispered, reminding me of our conversation at the Space Needle.

            Turning towards him I studied his face for a second not sure if I wanted to say it out loud. He raised his eyebrows, silently asking me what I was thinking. I bit my lip, hesitating. I hadn't been ready to start a family when he'd asked me almost two years ago. But now? Now I didn't want to wait that much longer.

            "Sooner than later?"

            His face broke into a grin and he nodded. "Whenever you're ready, Bella."

            I smiled back, a little afraid of what I was feeling and a lot in love with him. Reaching over he took my hand and threaded our fingers together. After a few seconds we returned our eyes to the gift opening, but my mind was busy imaging each item she opened in _our_ condo.

            Before I could get too caught up in my daydream, Emmett's booming voice brought me back to party. "Holy Christ! What is that contraption?"

            Rose had just opened a gift that several of her coworkers had gone in together on. She smacked her husband on the side of the head. "You're a doctor, jackass! You know what this is."

            "I know your boobs won't fit in those tiny little cups."

            "Nipples, you fucking caveman. My nipples fit in the cups of the breast pump."

            He looked at her skeptically and she gave him what could only be called a death glare. Emmett might have been a caveman, but he figured out quickly that he was going to be in the dog house if he didn't say something to fix things.

            "That is the best present ever!" he said loudly and with enthusiasm. "I think I'm going to go charge up the batteries now, baby."

            "Nice save, McCarty." Rose muttered, shaking her head as he took the box holding a state of the art breast pump out of her hands. She put a hand on his knee. "You can stay."

            Emmett behaved himself for the remainder of the shower, appropriately oohing and aahing over their gifts. He told Edward later that Rose had been really horny throughout most of her pregnancy and he was afraid of getting cut off if he misbehaved. I filed that little tidbit of information away for future use.

            As the wedding got closer I started to feel like I was on autopilot. With Alice at the helm I just sat back and followed her instructions. Most of the decisions had already been made and she'd been great about emailing or texting to involve her brother in the process.

            My mother flew in for the wedding shower and completely stressed me out. She didn't like anything: the ballroom, my dress, the date...you name it.

            "You know it will be hard for me to come out here again this spring; we're pretty busy these days."

            "Well mom, I'm only getting married once so you might want to try to make it." I resisted rolling my eyes; I couldn't believe her.

            Edward grabbed my hand under the table and gave it a squeeze.

            "What?" I mouthed at him while Renee sputtered and Charlie tried really hard not to laugh.

            We had all gone out to dinner after the shower and she was slowly making me insane. I wasn't really sure how my dad had ended up coming with us, but I wasn't complaining.

            "Charlie, can you believe her?" My mom tried to laugh and cover up her embarrassment.

            My dad rolled his eyes. "I have no idea where she gets it from," he deadpanned and I wondered if Edward would squeeze his hand too. Charlie cleared his throat and looked at me. "So Bells, I hear Pastor Weber is going to do the ceremony."

            "Yeah, he's pretty excited. He kept asking me if we were sure we didn't want a big city preacher; I assured him I thought his credentials were good enough."

            "Well, are you sure there isn't someone from here you'd rather use?" Renee asked.

            "No, mom. We want Ang's dad to do it."

            Edward chuckled. "It's not like we're going to be any less married because he does the ceremony."

            "That's what I said!" I laughed and we began joking about Pastor Weber and his excitement about coming to Seattle for our wedding weekend.

            We talked about some other Forks gossip and after about ten minutes I realized how left out my mother must have felt. As I listened to her snide comments about small town life and I thought about how selfish she seemed wanting us to schedule our wedding around her, I kind of didn't care if she felt left out. She hadn't even considered that we had busy lives that needed to be carefully coordinated in order to make everything work around Edward's hospital schedule.

            I watched her for a moment, taking in her pinched face and her false laugh. How the hell had she gotten this way? I wasn't even sure I wanted her to come back for the wedding, but I knew I'd regret it if I told her not to come. Her cell phone rang and grabbed it out of her purse.

            As soon as she read the caller ID, her face softened and her voice dripped with sweetness when she answered. "Oh, Phil! I miss you so much! Washington is so gloomy...I can't wait to come home; all of this wedding talk is exhausting."

            And then it hit me—like a punch in the stomach. She was jealous. She and Phil had been together for almost fifteen years but they weren't even engaged. I felt sorry for her, but more than that I was angry. How dare she act like this?

            Edward squeezed my hand again and started talking about our schedule for the next week in order to distract me. My dad listened to both conversations for a moment before he excused himself and went to the restroom. After a few minutes Edward's phone rang and he apologized, but quickly took the call.

            "Yes, I understand completely. No, she'll understand. All right, thank you, sir. Have a good night."

            I raised an eyebrow, wondering what the call had been about as he hung up and looked at his phone strangely for a second.

            "Edward?"

            "Sorry, um, that was the hospital. I have a patient that's not doing well, I really should check on them tonight. Would you mind terribly if we left now?"

            "Oh, um..." I glanced at my mother who was still on the phone. I didn't mind at all. "Actually, that's fine. Let me just say goodbye to Charlie when he gets back."

            "Sure."

            He folded his napkin and put it across his plate and Renee gave us a panicked look. She hung up the phone as I reached for my sweater.

            "You're leaving? We haven't had dessert. I was going to try the crème brûlée. I heard they come to your table with a little blowtorch to burn the sugar."

            "I don't really know, mom." I shook my head and slipped into my sweater. "Edward has to stop at the hospital so we need to get going."

            "You guys leaving?" Charlie asked as he came back to the table.

            "The hospital called," Edward told him, standing to shake his hand.

            "Guess we should get used to that?" My dad chuckled and gave Edward a man hug.

            The two of them acting so friendly was a little odd, but Charlie had seemed happy about our engagement so maybe he was just done being the over-protective father. Edward moved to the other side of the table to say goodbye to my mother as Charlie pulled me into a hug.

            "Do you want us to take her to the hotel?" I whispered.

            The restaurant was near our condo but Renee's hotel was about twenty minutes away. Charlie had offered to take her home earlier, but that was before she acted like such a bitch.

            "No, baby—I've got it. You're off the hook."

            I stretched up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek and glanced at my mother, expecting her to be standing to say goodbye, but she wasn't. She was still seated, sipping her coffee.

            "We're going to go, mom."

            "Oh, of course!" She acted surprised and quickly stood to give me a loose hug. "Don't eat too much or you won't fit in your dress."

            "Bye, mom."

            "Ms. Dwyer," Edward said, leaning over as she put her arms around him. I huffed a little and grabbed my purse. The bitch had given Edward a squeeze when she acted like she hardly wanted to touch me—her own daughter.

            Edward put his hand on my back as we walked out to the car.

            "What the fuck was that?" I wasn't referring to the hug, but the entire interaction with my crazy mother.

            "I have no idea. Do you think she's on drugs?"

            Laughing, I shook my head. "She was nuts."

            He sighed. "She's jealous."

            "Shit. That's what I thought too; it makes me feel a little bad for her."

            He glanced at me. "Do you want to go back and eat some dessert with her?"

            "No."

            "That's what I thought."

            Starting the car, he turned out of the parking lot heading towards the condo.

            "Are you forgetting the hospital?"

            He smirked like he knew something I didn't. "No hospital—that was your dad on the phone. He told me we'd paid our dues and that I should take you home before he said something he didn't want you to hear."

            "Are you serious?"

            "I couldn't make that up."

            "Wow. Charlie's pretty cool."

            Edward laughed. "He is. I think I've grown on him, too."

            I laughed, then we were quiet for a few minutes as we drove the rest of the way home. He parked and cut the engine, turning to me before opening his door.

            "Are you all right?" He took my hand, his thumb going straight to my engagement ring. "That was all pretty weird."

            I looked down at our joined hands then up at him with a nod. "Yeah. I'm okay."

            "Do you think she'll come back for the wedding?"

            I closed my eyes for a second and let out a deep breath as I reopened them. "I don't want her to come back if she's going to act like this."

            "I can understand that. I just don't..." he trailed off. "I just don't want you to regret her not being there, you know?"

            "I know." I reached forward cupping his cheek and rubbing his jaw with my thumb. "I wish your mother could be there."

            "I do too." He turned his head and kissed the palm of my hand. "But you make it okay."

            Blinking back tears, I smiled sadly at him. I knew exactly what he meant.


	18. All I Want is You

            My bachelorette party was held at the sports bar around the corner from our condo. It was the same bar Edward and I had been at when Russian Barbie bought him a beer, but it was one of my favorite places and she hadn't given us any trouble since Edward threatened to report her to human resources.

            Alice wasn't happy about my idea of a fun night out, but she'd given in when Rose said the night was about me and it should be my choice. They had a tendency to dress me up like a fashion model and drag me to flashy clubs where I felt out of place and was terrified that I would trip over my borrowed heels. I didn't want that at all.

            So two weeks before the wedding as we headed to the corner bar, I wore my favorite jeans and ballet flats with a "BRIDE" t-shirt and the veil Alice had made for her party. On our way through the door, I thought I overheard Rose telling Angela that she'd bribed another nurse to make plans with Irina to ensure she didn't drop by the party. I stepped around them and kept walking with Alice to our table without asking her about it—I didn't really want to know.

            A few minutes later, everyone joined us after getting drinks at the bar. Rose sat to my left and made a production of putting the penis necklace over my head before she slid the stupid penis water bottle full of beer in front of me.

            "Suck that cock, Bella."

            I had no idea how she said it with a straight face. "Ew, Rose."

            Having a baby had not made Rose any less, well, Rose. She was still full of wisdom and insight and just as blunt and honest as she'd ever been. Emmett was at the hospital, so baby Iris was with Carlisle and Esme for the night.

            Rose rubbed her hands together in glee and picked up her drink. She took a sip of her drink and sighed loudly before glancing round the table at our surprised faces. "What are you looking at? Pump and dump, bitches."

            "Yuck." I wrinkled my nose and laughed a little. "I don't think anyone was looking at you funny for drinking; it was more because you were acting so much like Emmett."

            Ang, Alice and the girls from my office nodded in agreement.

            "He kind of grows on you—like a mold," Rose said, shaking her head as we all laughed again.

            "So...this is Bella's bachelorette party," Alice said excitedly. "Plans for tonight: have a few drinks, open presents, send B on a scavenger hunt -"

            "No. No scavenging," I interrupted.

            She waved her hand. "You won't mind after a couple of drinks."

            "Alice..." I couldn't believe she had come up with some kind of game for me to play. She knew better. Wearing a veil in a bar and being the center of attention was more than enough for me.

            "Fine, I'll show you the list later and you can see if you want to do it."

            "I don't want to do it." I gave her a hard look and she finally nodded, though, though I could tell she didn't want to.

            Ang announced the first round of shots were on her and dragged Alice to the bar. Rose put her hand on my arm and whispered, "Let it go. She won't push you."

            I gave her a nod and she pushed the penis water bottle at me again. Ang and Alice came back from the bar with a tray of shots and the night began in earnest. There were shots and more shots, drinks sent over from random people at the bar, gifts of lingerie and some things from the sex shop, massage oil, body paint, a vibrator and extra batteries—which I seriously couldn't believe they'd made me open in public—and laughter, lots of laughter. We were almost crying from laughter when Rose told us that Emmett was afraid of his daughter's vagina.

            "It's seriously his kryptonite," she slurred. "He can't look at it or talk about it. I'm not sure how he changes a diaper with his eyes closed, but he tries. I told him there wasn't a chance in hell he was getting out of that. He's a frickin' doctor—he sees vaginas every day!"

            I knew it wasn't that he was unhappy with a daughter, but he was overwhelmed by all things female about her—her pink bedroom and ruffly clothes, the idea that she would grow breasts, date, get married, and ultimately bear her own children. He couldn't even think about it.

            Despite my being in the spotlight the night was exactly what I'd wanted my party to be. It was laid back and fun, even without the scavenger hunt. When we headed for home I needed Alice to hold my elbow to keep me steady.

            "Did you ever think this was possible, Al?" I slurred as we entered the condo.

            "You being this drunk, Yes," she giggled, leading me to the bedroom.

            "Noooooo—me and Edward getting married."

            She laughed and pulled my shoes off as I sat on the bed. "When we were kids I thought it was just a silly crush, you know that. But later, in college, it was obvious that he felt something for you too."

            I snorted; it was part laugh and part disbelief.

            "Does it really matter, Bells?" Alice smiled and helped me stand up so she could help me get my jeans off. "It's really happening. You're going to be my sister."

            "And here I was thinking the great part was that I was marrying your brother."

            "Added bonus."

            We both laughed as she folded up my jeans and set them on the dresser. I slipped my bra off and threw it on the floor. "I'm gonna go to sleep, Al."

            "I know, sweetie. I'll be in the living room if you need anything."

            The last thing I remember was Alice setting a bottle of water next to the bed and pulling the sheets up over me. When I woke up later, my head was pounding and my stomach churning.

            "Fuck me." I cringed at the sound of my own voice.

            "I'm afraid that would make you feel worse, baby."

            "Edward?" I groaned. "Am I dead?"

            "No, but I'm sure you feel like shit."

            "Ugh. You have no idea."

            He chuckled and I remembered his bachelor party two weekends before; I'd stayed in the bathroom with him for hours while he threw up. Okay, maybe he did know how I felt.

            "What do you need, Bella?"

            I opened an eye to find him sitting up, leaning over me, looking way too chipper. "Stop talking. My head hurts."

            He brushed some hair off my face and simply waited for me to say something more.

            "I could use some juice."

            He nodded. "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

            I wasn't sure if he was asking me if I needed to throw up or pee or if I needed his help, but I didn't want to move so I shook my head no. "Oh fuck. I need something for my head, too."

            "Done."

            He leaned down and kissed my forehead and I felt the bed shift as he headed to the other room. He brought me some tomato juice and a couple of Aleve. I drank the juice quickly and swallowed the pills, hoping they would work their magic. Then Edward tucked me back under the covers and curled himself around my back, wrapping an arm around me. He softly rubbed his thumb over my collar bone, lulling me back to sleep.

            When I woke up again I felt like my bladder was going to explode. Edward was sitting by the window reading as I hurried to the bathroom. After relieving myself I stood in front of the mirror taking in my frightening appearance as I brushed my teeth. My hair was a rat's nest and I somehow still had the barrette from the veil in my hair—yet the veil itself was nowhere to be seen. I had dark circles under my eyes both from my make-up and from lack of sleep. I finished with my teeth, quickly washed my face, brushed my hair and wandered back to the bedroom to lie down.

            "How you doin'?" Edward's voice was low and quiet.

            "I feel better. Rough—but better."

            He closed the journal he was reading and climbed back into bed. We stretched out next to each other and he smiled at me, taking in my freshly scrubbed face and brushed hair. "You look about a million times better than when you woke up the first time."

            "Is Alice still here?"

            He shook his head. "No, I sent her home when I got here."

            "When was that?"

            "Around four."

            "What time is it now?"

            "Noon."

            "Fuck."

            "What did you have planned today?" He laughed. He'd been a zombie the morning after his bachelor party yet he'd dutifully trudged to work that afternoon.

            "Nothing," I sighed. It was true; I didn't have anything planned, but I'd been hoping to spend some time with him. Sexy time.

            "Nothing like _nothing_ , or nothing like you're pissed you don't feel good because you thought you were gonna get lucky?"

            "Probably more of the second one." I fought a smile. He knew me so fucking well.

            He laughed, leaning in before kissing me slowly. "I don't have to be to work until five. Let me make you something to eat and we'll see what we can do about that."

            I sighed and nodded.

            "Left over tacos?" he asked, knowing that it was exactly what I liked after a night of drinking.

            "Mmmm, yeah. Greasy and spicy. Perfect."

            "You talking about the tacos or yourself?"

            "Shut up."

            "Love you, Swan."

            **0)~~'~~,~~~**

            Two nights before the wedding, I ate a smorgasbord of leftovers for dinner and did some final packing for the wedding and honeymoon, which I still knew nothing about. It was Edward's last night of work before the wedding, and I was anxious for him to get home. He'd been working extra shifts and staying late to keep his paperwork up to date in preparation for his days off. While we'd spent a few hours together after my bachelorette party, it felt like I'd hardly seen him since.

            I kept some of the leftovers out for him, but at nine o'clock I gave up and cleaned up the kitchen. I read for a while, finally giving up and going to bed around midnight. It wasn't anything new, and I shouldn't have expected him to be on time the night before his vacation. I was tired, the wedding hormones were in full force, and I fell asleep wondering if this was what my life was going to be like—always waiting for Edward.

            A few hours later I had one of those crazy good sex dreams. A pair of hands slid up my thighs, and I moaned when soft lips kissed my hip. A wet tongue trailed down my stomach...Suddenly I realized it wasn't a dream.

            "Jesus, Edward! You scared me!" I gasped in surprise, sitting up enough to verify it was in fact my fiancé between my legs.

            He laughed before stretching up to run his nose along my collarbone and whispered in my ear, "Who did you think I was?"

            "I thought I was having a fuck-awesome dream and I was going to find my new vibrator to finish the job."

            "No need for that."

            His lips found mine, kissing me as his hand moved between my legs where I was already wet for him.

            "What are you doing?"

            "I'm seducing my girlfriend so I can make love to her one last time."

            "One last time?"

            "As my girlfriend—well, fiancé—the next time we're together you'll be my sexy young wife."

            He slipped two fingers inside me and I moaned as he slid them in and out. "That feels good."

            "Shut up and let me do it already," he teased, before kissing me hard and moving his fingers faster.

            I stopped talking then, making my thoughts known through gasps and more moans while thrusting my hips to meet Edward's. Clutching him to me, my fingernails dug into his skin as Edward began giving a dirty running commentary.

            "God that feels good."

            "You're so beautiful."

            "I love you."  
 "You make me so fucking crazy."

            "Are you close? Tell me what you want."

            "Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck."

            We were slick with sweat, our bodies slapping together as my muscles clamped around him, and I couldn't stop myself from calling out his name. Edward pushed into me over and over until he arched his back, the chords of his neck straining with his orgasm. His dirty words ended with a groan and he dropped his head to my shoulder, breathing hard.

            "Fuck, I'm out of breath. I'm getting old."

            "Cradle robber," I teased, gently running my hands up and down his back.

            "Whatever—I'm a manther." He laughed, scooting off me to lie on his side.

            "What? What the fuck is a manther?" I loved how we could go from hot sweaty sex to ridiculous banter in no time.

            He lowered his voice, trying to sound like the guy from the Old Spice ad. "You know, like a cougar? I'm a manther stalking my prey."

            I let out a quick burst of laughter. "You mean like a dingo?"

            "What?" He narrowed his eyes and shook his head, laughing.

            I did my best, or really my worst, Australian accent. "A dingo! The dingo fucked my baby!"

            "Oh my God! You are insane!"

            "You love it!"

            "I love you, but I'm seriously considering calling someone for a psych consult the next time you visit the hospital though."

            "Wait until we get back from the honeymoon, okay?"

            "Anything for you, Belly."

            I snuggled against him and we stayed tangled together like that laughing and talking until we fell asleep for the last time as boyfriend and girlfriend.

            **0)~~'~~,~~~**

            The last two days before the wedding went by in a rush. I had never really understood when my friends said that they hardly remembered things about their weddings, but now I totally got it. I was so busy trying to make sure that everything was going as planned that I was distracted and forgetful. I wasn't very helpful at all.

            My mother was making me crazy, and I was pretty sure Charlie was going to cuff her and throw her in his squad car if she didn't stop acting like a fool. Her flight had gotten in late and she missed the entire rehearsal. She came by herself, claiming Phil couldn't get time off work. I didn't care anymore. I was tired of being the only one who put in any effort in the relationship with my mother. I had a feeling that Edward and I wouldn't be seeing very much of her again until we had children—if then.

            I had been bracing myself all morning to see Renee, but when my bridesmaids and I finally made it to Georgetown Ballroom to finish getting ready, nothing could have prepared me for what I found.

            "No fucking way!" I stopped in the doorway. Alice ran into my back and Ang ran into hers.

            "I swear to God, Bella, give me the word and I'll spill something all over her," Rose said over from my shoulder.

            Alice's eyes were wide and focused on my mother. She tried to speak several times, starting and stopping until she could finally get something out.

            "Renee, is that a wedding dress?"

            My mom had on a white chiffon gown that was ridiculously inappropriate for the mother of the bride. It was full length and had a sweetheart neckline. She topped it off with a matching scarf and a beaded comb securing the up-do in her hair.

            "No," Renee laughed, "it's a mother-of-the-bride's dress. I'll look for a wedding dress when i get back to Florida."

            What the fuck?

            She held out her left hand to show off a ring. I was too far away to really see it and I had no desire to get any closer. Bless Alice and Angela for slipping around me and grabbing my mother's hand to gush over both the ring and her apparent engagement—if it was real. She could totally have been faking to make herself feel better.

            Esme rushed towards Rose and I grabbing Iris out of Rose's arms. "Girls, you all look beautiful. Carlisle brought all of your dresses in earlier and they're hanging over there," she said, gesturing to a clothes rack near the window holding a row of Tiffany blue dresses and one large garment bag that held my wedding dress.

            She held the baby on her hip and gave me a one armed hug while still managing to look like she stepped out of a fashion magazine. Esme wore a smokey blue dupioni silk knee length dress with a contrasting grey sash at the waist. I knew at a glance that it was one of Alice's designs. It was classic yet edgy having just one sleeve. It was perfect and beautiful—and absolutely appropriate for the mother of the groom.

            It didn't matter to me that Esme knew what was appropriate to wear because she'd already had two children get married. All I cared about was the fact that she took just as much care in dressing for my wedding, as well. I sighed, thinking how in a simple clothing choice, Esme had once again proven to be more of a mother to me than Renee had ever been.

            "Oh sweetie, please don't let her upset you," she whispered as we walked towards the rack of dresses.

            "You know she did it to get a reaction. Don't give it to her," Rose added.

            Renee was still busy with Alice and Angela and I planned to avoid her. I took a deep, steadying breath. "Rose, keep her away from me as much as possible."

            "Done."

            My mother tried to be helpful during pictures but really only succeeded in irritating me. At one point, when she was needed in a photo, she was on the phone and we had to wait for her. The second time it happened, Rose grabbed the phone from her and muttered something into the mouth piece about Renee being busy before she hung up.

            "I'm sorry, Renee," she said in a tone that said she wasn't really sorry. "We need to get these pictures done so I can feed Iris. My boobs feel like boulders. Now everyone get in their place."

            By the time I stood at the top of the stairs with Charlie, I was frazzled and ready for the day to be over. I hadn't even seen Edward and all I really wanted was for him to take me in his arms and tell me it didn't matter that my mother was a complete bitch.

            "Bells," Charlie started, sighing and shaking his head while he watched the bridesmaids make their way down the steps. "I don't know what's gotten into your mother, but don't let her get to you. I'll manage her for the rest of the night, and then we can send her back to Florida for Phil to deal with."

            I nodded, taking a minute to think about what a great job my dad had done raising me on his own. "Dad, have I ever thanked you—I mean for everything you've done? You could have sent me to live with her, but you never did."

            "Aw, baby, I couldn't do that; I would have missed you." He smiled lightening the mood, and then he winked. "And I think all of those dinners you cooked me and the laundry you did was plenty thanks."

            "I love you, Charlie."

            "I know, Bells. I love you, too."

            Emmett had set up our music on the laptop and recruited a first year resident to be in charge during the ceremony by promising him free drinks at the reception. An instrumental version U2's _One_ played on the sound system while the wedding party came down the aisle. When The Verve's _Bittersweet Symphony_ began, Charlie raised an eyebrow at me, not sure of his cue.

            "This is us," I chuckled, tightening my hand on his elbow.

            We walked slowly down the stairs, me lifting my dress and Charlie keeping a firm hold on my arm in case I fell, which was entirely likely. Edward's eyes were locked on mine as we made our way up the aisle. The guests were all standing, but all I could see was my fiancé smiling broadly. My heart was pounding, and I couldn't pull my eyes away from him.

            I wanted to do this. I was ready, more than ready, to get married to Edward, and I loved him—so much; but I was starting to freak out about everyone watching me.

            Charlie must have sensed something was wrong because he chuckled quietly in my ear. "You're fine, Bells, just keep walking. We're almost there."

            I glanced at him and then quickly looked back at Edward before wiping away a tear. We made the last few steps and Edward stood beside me, his hand on my elbow instantly calming me almost as much as his voice. "You look amazing."

            My eyes stayed on him while Reverend Weber asked, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

            My parents spoke at the same time, but their answers were different.

            "We do," Renee said.

            "Her mother and I do." Charlie's word's made me giggle. I loved that he didn't say 'we;' he and Renee hadn't been 'we' since I was in diapers. He gave me a quick kiss before shaking hands with Edward and sitting down. Alice grabbed my bouquet, and I turned to face the man of my dreams.

            Edward held my hands as we listened to Angela's dad talk about how long he'd known us, and how seeing our families joined together in marriage brought joy to his heart. He thanked us for asking him to perform the ceremony, then surprised us by mentioning Edward's parents; we hadn't planned a memorial of any sort during the ceremony the way Alice had.

            "Edward, your parents are watching down today as they always have been."

            Alice made a noise and I knew she was crying, but Edward looked at the reverend with wide eyes, drinking in his words. I wanted to pull him into my arms and hold him, but I resisted and Mr. Weber continued.

            "They're thankful to Esme and Carlisle for all that they've done and they're happy today to see their son taking a wife and starting his own family. You honor them every day with your commitment to family."

            Edward's eyes filled with tears and his lips made a hard line as he struggled with his emotions. After a second he nodded at Reverend Weber, who smiled sympathetically at us before returning to the ceremony.

            "Hand in hand you enter marriage and hand in hand you step out in faith. The hands you give each other..."

            He talked about how we should care for each other and be supportive in times of trouble and that marriage wasn't easy, but nothing worth it ever was. Before I knew it, he asked Edward if he would take me as his wife.

            "Edward, do you take Isabella to be your wife, to live together as friends and mates? Will you love her as a person, respect her as an equal, sharing in joy as well as sorrow, triumph as well as defeat? And keep her beside you as long as you both shall live?"

            "I do." He smiled, never taking his eyes off of me.

            The reverend spoke again, this time asking me the questions. I was so excited that I spoke too soon, interrupting him before he could ask the as long as you both shall live bit. Everyone laughed, Edward even threw his head back a little, but no one was surprised that I messed something up. I was just hoping that was the worst of my screw-ups for the day.

            Despite the modern music in our ceremony, we used traditional vows. To have and to hold. For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. To love and to cherish in sickness and in health. Now and forever and all of that.

            Reverend Weber blessed our rings, and then it was the moment I'd been waiting for. I held my breath, watching as Edward slid the wedding band on my finger. I started to cry and felt my lip wobble. Edward reached up, his hand cupping my cheek as he wiped away a tear. He mouthed that he loved me and, after a deep breath, it was my turn.

            I pushed the ring on his finger, biting my lip as I struggled to get it over his knuckle. With a final wiggle, it moved forward and went on all of the way.

            I stared at the ring on his hand, having a 'holy shit' moment. I'd dreamed of us being married for so long that it was surreal to think that we'd really done it.

            Reverend Weber's voice was clear and loud as he pronounced us husband and wife, then he smiled at us and spoke more quietly. "Edward, you may kiss your bride."

            And kiss me he did, as the guests clapped and cheered. It felt like forever, but I'm sure it was only seconds before Edward gave me a tight hug and we broke apart. He reached over and shook Reverend Weber's hand before we turned and faced everyone. There was more cheering as Edward turned and gave me another quick kiss before we walked quickly down the aisle. Instead of going back up the stairs we made our way outside into a small sunny court yard.

            I squealed a little as Edward hugged me to his chest, spinning me around in the sunlight. The rest of the wedding party joined us and the photographer snapped candid shots of us celebrating before we needed to go sign the wedding license and pose for a few more pictures while the guests enjoyed some cocktails.

            When we made it back into the ballroom, the space had been rearranged for dinner. Reverend Weber gave a blessing and then it was Emmett's turn to make a toast.

            "Considering how long they've known each other, Edward and Bells haven't been dating all that long," he joked. "But the truth is that because of how long they've known each other, they didn't need to date very long at all to know how good they were for each other." He cleared his throat and I wondered if he was going to start making jokes. "I can tell you all sorts of things about how Edward's not as much of a dick when he's with Bella, or how I know he wouldn't have survived his residency without her. The bottom line is this though, I couldn't have chosen a better wife for my brother. So despite how long it took him to figure out she was the one for him, he did, and I'm finally getting Bella for my sister." He raised his glass. "To Edward and Bella."

            I grinned at Emmett, he was such a soft soul underneath his bear-like exterior and practical jokes. He winked down at us and before most of the guests finished toasting he began to tap his glass with a spoon, encouraging us to kiss.

            We ate dinner, pausing to kiss every few seconds when someone else began dinging their fork or spoon on the glassware. We laughed and mingled with friends and family before cutting the cake. I'd warned Edward that he wouldn't like the consequences if he smashed cake in my face, so he'd been on his best behavior.

            When it was time for dancing Emmett took the microphone and began his duties as emcee. He introduced the wedding party one by one, having Rose join him near the stage when it was their turn, and then Edward and I were on the dance floor alone. The opening guitar riff of U2's _All I Want is You_ came through the speakers as Edward took me in his arms for our first dance as husband and wife. Edward sang quietly in my ear as we swayed.

            _You say you want diamonds in a ring of gold_

            _You say you want your story to remain untold_

            _All the promises we make_

            _From the cradle to the grave_

            _When all I want is you_

            As the song played, I forgot that we were the only ones on the dance floor and felt myself snuggling closer to Edward, putting my head against his chest.

            "You know I've lost track of how many weddings I've danced with you at," he said quietly.

            I laughed. "Yeah, we've done this a few times."

            "But never as bride and groom."

            "This is true. I'm not a bridesmaid anymore."

            He laughed. "Not tonight anyway."

            I leaned back to look at him. "What? I don't know anyone else that's single! I think my career as a bridesmaid is done."

            Edward shook his head, chuckling. "There are a couple of single women in your office."

            "Shit. I'm officially un-friending them, on the outside chance they ask me to be in their weddings." I put my head down again, leaning on Edward as we danced.

            "Sure thing, Bells." We were quiet for a few seconds, then he whispered, "I'm sorry I wasted so much time figuring out that you were perfect for me."

            I smiled at him, then reached up to brush some hair off of his forehead. "It doesn't matter anymore."

            He let out a deep breath. "I suppose it doesn't. You agreed to marry me anyway."

            "Agreed? I went through with it! I finally got my wedding and now you're stuck with me!"

            We stopped moving, but Edward continued to hold me. He ran his nose along my neck before his lips grazed my ear, sending a shiver down my spine as he spoke.

            "I wouldn't have it any other way."


	19. Epilogue: Forever Young

            It seemed like I could never get caught up on case notes. A soon as I did, some crisis came up that put me behind again. I learned to find time throughout the day, hiding out to buckle down undisturbed and get some work done. I'd found that the small office behind the nurse's desk on the third floor was a surprisingly good place to work; it was like hiding in plain sight. I was tucked in there transcribing some notes when I heard my name in the conversation between the nurses at the desk.

            "Masen-Cullen is so hot."

            I rolled my eyes. I hated the first few weeks after a new round of nursing students started at the hospital. I always felt a little dirty; they looked at me like a hunk of meat. Ugh. Stupid Grey's Anatomy and ER for making people think hospitals were a giant orgy.

            "Yeah, but he's married," another voice said. "I heard his wife is cute."

            " _Cute_? How could someone so hot be with someone who's just cute?" the first voice said.

            What the fuck did that mean? Bella was certainly more than just cute. She was beautiful. Perfect. Everything to me.

            "I don't know. I heard he's like _really_ serious about her, not like some of the other married doctors who'll fuck anything in the hospital. It's kind of awesome."

            There was a snort and the first nurse spoke again, "Whatever. I'd hit that—that's all I'm saying."

            "So would I, but it's not going to happen." She paused and I recognized the sound of papers shuffling. "Anyway, I heard his wife is best friends with Nurse Hale, too."

            "No shit? Hale is scary."

            I had to agree with that. You didn't want to be on Rose's bad side.

            "You know," nurse two continued, "I actually think I heard they're sister-in laws."

            "Huh. So, Hale is married to her brother?"

            "No, you nitwits, I'm married to Edward's brother," Rose's voice boomed, startling me. "Don't you have patients to check on? Get moving."

            "Yes, of course, sorry," they mumbled before I heard the scraping of charts being taken out of the rack and retreating footsteps.

            I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. Thinking I was alone, I was about to get back to work when Rose scared the crap out of me.

            "Edward, you can come out now. The scary nursing students are gone."

            I peeked through the doorway and she was staring back at me, her hand on her hip and laughter in her eyes. I gave her a crooked smile.

            "What's up, Doc?"

            I turned my chair and opened up the door wider. "Not much. Paperwork."

            "And hiding from flirty nursing students?"

            "Something like that." I scrubbed my hands over my face. "What are you doing?"

            "Instilling fear the hearts of new students so they'll do what I ask them to."

            I chuckled, that was so like her to do something like that. "How much did you hear? It sounds like you've been successful, at least with those two."

            "I heard enough. They'll do my grunt work for a few weeks before they catch on." She leaned back to sit on the edge of desk, her mood turning more serious. "You okay?"

            I sighed. "I'm good, just tired—nothing new."

            She nodded and gave me a look that I knew meant she had more to say. I steadied myself, waiting for whatever probing question she was going to ask, or freaky words of wisdom she was going to impart.

            "You know stressing out about it is only making it worse. Fertility is a fickle bitch."

            I pinched the bridge of my nose and didn't say anything, hoping that she would just drop it.

            "You're a doctor, Edward. You've got a God damn vag badge for delivering babies. You need to be the one telling her not to worry. You can't be the one freaking out."

            "Rose, please, and I'm not freaking out."

            I didn't want to talk about it; I was exhausted from thinking about it. Bella and I had been trying to get pregnant for almost eight months. She was getting discouraged and it was gutting me to see her so heartbroken.

            "I'm going to remind you of the stats, okay? Eighty percent of couples get pregnant after a year of having unprotected sex. It's only been six months or so."

            "Eight."

            "Okay eight, but it hasn't been a year. You need to relax for a little bit longer and just keep trying—I'm sure that won't be a problem for you two. In another four months if you're still not pregnant...then your first step is for both of you to get checked out—before you become fucked up messes."

            "I know all of that. It's just..." I ran a hand through my hair. I looked up at her and finally told someone how I'd been feeling. "She's so sad, Rose. She gets her hopes up every month. It kills me when she gets her period. I feel like my schedule is ruining our chances; we never see each other and when we do the first thing we do is fuck—it's not even intimate. It wasn't supposed to be this hard."

            "Edward, I can't imagine what the two of you are going through, but you have got to talk about this." She looked down at the floor and sighed, then raised her eyes to mine. "She thinks you're disappointed in her."

            "What?"

            "Each time she gets her period she thinks she's failed you somehow. She won't listen to me or Alice. Shit—she can hardly look at Alice."

            My sister was just starting to show with her first child. It was a little crazy to see since she'd always been so tiny. Her pregnancy was obvious, and I could understand how it would upset Bella to see it.

            "She has to hear it from you, Edward. She has to know that you're not upset and that she doesn't need to worry."

            I knew she was right. I nodded and Rose gave me a sympathetic smile. I needed to talk to Bella. I didn't know how she could ever think I'd be disappointed in her. I leaned back in my chair. Letting my head drop back, I stared at the ceiling for a second while I tried to think about what I needed to do.

            "You look like hell, by the way. Why don't you put your head down and take a nap? I won't tell anyone you're back here."

            I ran my hand through my hair again and sat up. "Thanks. And thanks for telling me about Bella."

            She shrugged. "I try not to get in the middle of shit, but you needed to know. It will happen, Edward, just give it a little more time."

            "Yeah." It had hurt to hear what Bella was thinking, but I was glad Rose had told me. I just had to figure out when our schedules would align so I could have a little heart to heart with my wife.

            I pushed the door mostly closed and moved my laptop off to the side so I could put my head on the desk. I managed a short nap before I was paged for a patient who'd spiked a fever. I spent the rest of the shift thinking about Bella and how much I needed her to know I loved her—no matter what our future held.

            She was getting ready for work when I got home. I hesitated for a second before jumping in the shower to join her; I was struggling with the thought that lately all we did was have sex. It wasn't the time or place to have the conversation we needed to, but I needed Bella to know how much I loved her. Stepping under the water, I took her in my arms for a kiss, whispering 'I love you's' before I dropped to my knees to worship her. She was panting when I stood up, smiling dreamily as she tried to catch her breath. Her arms wound around my neck and I lifted her so she could wrap her legs around me. I pushed into her, moaning at how fucking amazing she felt. I moved in and out of her hard and fast, quickly bringing us both over the edge so she wouldn't be late. I felt a million times better about us, but I knew we still needed to talk.

            When she got home that night I was walking out the door. I held her for a minute; having her in my arms always made me feel better, steadier. She snuggled her head against my chest and sighed.

            "I've missed you this week."

            "I know, Belly. Tomorrow. I have plans for us." It was date day and I had it all planned out. We'd spend time together, relax and recharge. More importantly, we would talk. I just had to get through one more shift at the hospital.

            The first couple of hours of my ER shift dragged. It was a weeknight. The weather was fine and it was eerily calm. No one dared say that it was slow; that would be cursing us to some sort of catastrophic accident on the highway, or an apartment fire that would fill the place.

            I'd gone up to the lab to retrieve some test results and was stepping out of the elevator into the emergency room when I heard the announcement that there was an MVA coming in. The nursing staff moved quickly getting supplies ready and clearing room for gurneys. Multiple vehicle accidents could mean three or four patients or it could mean twenty. Everyone started to prepare, waiting to hear how many people we should expect. I glanced at the labs to make sure there was nothing that I needed to worry about immediately, then stuck them in the chart and slipped on a gown to cover my lab coat.

            Doctor Papadopoulos, the attending doctor on duty, was on the phone at the nurse's station. He knew his last name was a nightmare for most people to pronounce, so he encouraged most people to call him by his first name, Demitri, or simply Doctor P.

            He rubbed a hand over his face and listened to someone on the other end of the phone, not speaking much. When he hung up he looked around the emergency room as if taking stock. I could only imagine he was assessing both staff and supplies; it wasn't a good sign.

            He headed outside to wait for the ambulances and I followed him, my body starting to hum with the anticipation of a good trauma case.

            "Edward." He nodded.

            "Demetri, do you know how many we expect?"

            "A semi jack-knifed on the highway and a few cars piled up behind it. They've got four buses on scene, not sure if we're getting them all or if they'll need to send more out."

            I nodded as we heard the sirens in the distance getting closer. The doors behind us whooshed open and more of the ER staff came outside to wait with us.

            "All right folks, keep cool and do what you're trained to do. Take patients as they come. If you fight over the worst traumas I'll kick you out of my ER. Ready?"

            It was a rhetorical question, but I heard a few first years answer, "Yes, sir."

            The first ambulance pulled in shortly after that. The medics jumped out to open the back and pull the gurney out.

            "Masen-Cullen and Murray this one's yours," Demetri called out as another ambulance rounded the corner. "Parker and Peters, the next is yours."

            I didn't hear anymore as Doctor Maggie Murray and I ran to the back of the ambulance to get our patient. The legs on the gurney dropped down and we wheeled a very large and bloody man towards the doorway. The medic moved along with us carrying an IV bag, spouting vitals and talking about blunt force trauma.

            He was unconscious, his blood pressure was low and his abdomen was hard. They were all signs of internal bleeding and we quickly called to get him into an operating room.

            Thirty minutes later, following a series of chaotic events that could only be expected in a busy ER in the midst of a rush of traumas, I found myself elbow deep in my patient's spleen, scrubbing in with the Chief of Surgery.

            Working in an ER was like riding a roller coaster. It had its dips and rolls, but for the most part it was an adrenaline rush. Surgery was different. It was a rush to get in there and make that first incision, but then everything else went away. Some people called it 'being in the zone.' Whatever it was, it was intense and exhilarating in a completely different way than the rush of trauma.

            The patient had a ruptured spleen and a torn liver, thanks to the force of the steering wheel into his gut during the crash. I hadn't been on a surgery rotation in a while, so it was nice to get back into it for a change—though I briefly wondered about the other victims coming into the ER.

            The Chief was tying off the short gastric vessels while asking me questions about the potential complications of splenectomies when the intercom beeped and a nurse's voice interrupted him.

            "I'm sorry, sir. Doctor Masen-Cullen is needed in the ER."

            He raised his eyebrows at me across the patient. "Really, Claire? He seems kind of busy to me."

            "Ah, yes, Doctor. Sorry, but he really needs to get down to the ER."

            "Cullen _is_ good, but no one else can handle whatever it is you have going on down there? I'm trying to get him to reconsider and go in to surgery instead of emergency medicine, and I think it's working."

            I couldn't see the smile under his mask, but I was sure it was there. He was irritated at the interruption but handling it well, all while continuing to work on the patient.

            "Oh, well, I'm sure you're convincing, sir, but Doctor Masen-Cullen isn't needed in a medical capacity, per se."

            I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer. My heart pounded and my knees felt weak "Claire, what's going on?"

            "Sorry, Doctor. You need to step out. Bella's down stairs."

            I held the spleen carefully and closed my eyes for a second to take a calming breath. There was only one reason she would come and get me if Bella was in the emergency room and I was trying not to let my imagination run wild. "Is she a patient, Claire?"

            "Yes, she was in the last ambulance. She doesn't look bad—dislocated shoulder and maybe a concussion—but Demetri told me to come get you and not take no for an answer."

            I looked at the Chief and he nodded, asking a nurse to take over for me. "Go, Edward, I'll find you later."

            I didn't know why he was going to find me later but I wasn't about to stick around and ask. As soon as I felt the nurse step in behind me and her hands were on the organ I was gone. My hands were shaking as I stripped out of my gown and gloves in the scrub room where Claire was waiting.

            "What else can you tell me?" I asked as I hopped around, struggling to pull the surgical booties off of my tennis shoes.

            "Not much," she said, holding a hand out to steady me so I could finally get the damn booties off. "Demetri's treating her, so that's good. They're in exam room five. As soon as he realized who she was he sent me to find you."

            "All right, thanks."

            I didn't wait for Claire, instead I ran to the stairwell opting to run down the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. It was faster and would help me work off a little of my fear before I got to Bella. I skidded into the ER, frantically searching for Demetri.

            "She's still in five, Edward," a nurse called and I kept moving.

            There were horrible thoughts going through my head despite what Claire had said. I couldn't be sure Bella was all right until I saw her. I pushed into her room and saw Demetri reading her chart. She looked pale in the fluorescent lights, lying on the bed with her eyes closed. Her left arm was in a sling and she had a few small cuts on her face and arms. I was drawn to her side, taking her hand in mine. I felt sick and I just wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her.

            Demetri raised his head, acknowledging me. He stepped over by the door and spoke quietly, "She just fell asleep. Step outside with me, and then she's all yours."

            It was excruciatingly painful to walk away from her, but I knew he was right and she needed her rest. I leaned down and kissed her forehead before following him into the hallway.

            "First of all, she's going to be fine."

            "What happened?" I interrupted him. She'd just been getting home when I came to work. What was she doing on the highway? He probably had no idea, but I just had to ask.

            "She was one of the last cars in the pile up. She rear-ended someone and another car swung into her driver's side. That's all I know."

            "Okay. Sorry—I'm just trying to figure out what she was even doing on the highway." I ran a hand through my hair and let out a deep breath. "So, you reduced her shoulder?"

            "Yes. She was in a lot of pain but kept telling me not to get you unless it was serious. I just nodded and told Claire to find you."

            "Sounds like her," I laughed. "Thanks for sending Claire."

            "No problem. Anyway, the shoulder's good. She'll be in a sling for a few days; you know the drill. She's got a concussion with loss of consciousness, so I'm waiting for an opening to get her into CT. There are a couple of cracked ribs, but she fared pretty well. Could have been a hell of a lot worse."

            I scrubbed my hands over my face and nodded.

            "Her labs aren't back yet though, so I'm going to go light a fire under someone's ass." He clapped a hand on my shoulder before walking away. He stopped just a few steps down the hall and turned back to me. "Edward, sit on her right side, okay? I don't want you jostling her arm or her ribs on the left."

            What the hell did he think I was going to do, crawl up in the bed with her? Shit. I kind of wanted to. I went back into her room and found chair, pulling it over so I could sit beside her. I took her hand and stroked her hair, swallowing hard.

            I should have been grateful that she was all right because things could have been so much worse, but when I looked at her all I could think was what would I do if I lost her? It would destroy me. She had wound herself so tightly around my heart that I couldn't function without her. The feelings I had for Bella had been years in the making, and it was terrifying to imagine that she could be gone in the blink of an eye. I sighed, putting my head down on the bed to watch the rise and fall of her chest, thinking about how much I loved her.

            So many memories came rushing back.

            Coming home from college and seeing her try to carefully make her way down my parent's stairs in that hot pink prom dress. I'd always known she had a thing for me, but she was like a sister so it was so easy to ignore. In that moment I realized she was growing up. And she was hot. And I was a fucking perv for getting a boner just looking at her. I'd had to disappear into the laundry room to calm the fuck down.

            Bella in a tight v-neck sweater pumping a keg at Em's house off-campus. Her voice when she called expecting to reach Emmet because she needed a ride home from her date with that jackass James. My heart had practically stopped when I heard that she jumped out of the car to get away from him.

            Bella showing up at Angela's wedding with Riley, who turned out to be a guy, not just a girlfriend like I'd assumed. Dancing with her that night, feeling like I never wanted to let her go even though we were both there with other people. New Year's Eve when she kissed me, and I'd let her walk away because it scared the hell out of me. Texting with her and really getting to know her as an adult. Finding out she was dating someone and knowing it was the right thing for her to do. Surprising her at graduation and waking in bed with her the next morning for the first time.

            Seeing her get out of Charlie's car after Jake's rehearsal dinner. She looked so sad and tired, and it had been all my fault. I still felt awful about that. Every day after that I tried to make sure she meant more to me than any procedure at the hospital.

            That was a shitty time though, trying to please the attending doctors and get ahead of the other residents while still finding time for Bella. She'd saved me when my life started to fall apart. I don't know how we made it through that, but I was so fucking thankful we did.

            I reached up and brushed my fingertips down her face before taking her hand again. I just needed to feel her skin on mine. Closing my eyes, more memories flooded my head. Watching her walk down the stairs with Charlie on our wedding day—I'd never seen her look more beautiful. The two of us, posing for pictures with our hands on top of celebrity hand prints at Mann's Chinese Theater during our honeymoon in Los Angeles. The sound of her laughter while we held each other and talked, tangled up in the sheets on cold winter mornings. The sun glinting off her hair as she stood on the beach in a horrible pink dress for Renee's wedding in Florida. Kissing the tomato sauce off her nose while she tried to teach me to make her famous lasagna.

            There were so many little moments that meant the world to me. She meant the world to me. I couldn't believe that she put up with my shit, but she did. And she wanted to have a family with me. Fuck. I wanted that more than anything—I just didn't want us to go crazy in the process.

            She started to wake up, shifting a little before turning her head and licking her lips. She opened her eyes and her brows scrunched in confusion.

            "Edward?"

            I sat up, scooting closer to her head. "Hey, baby. How do you feel?"

            She looked around the room and gave me a small smile. "Like I got hit by a car."

            "Nice, smart ass." I leaned forward to kiss her, then held her face in my hands. "You scared the hell out of me. Where were you going?"

            She closed her eyes and sighed. "I decided to surprise you with doughnuts for date day."

            I shook my head. "Doughnuts weren't on the agenda. It's my month to plan."

            "Yeah, but you wouldn't turn down a doughnut." She laughed and winced. Her hand went to her ribs, jostling her arm in the sling and I could tell she was in pain. She had closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. When she reopened her eyes and looked back at me I could tell she was scared.

            "You're okay. You cracked a couple of ribs; that's the pain in your chest. They had to pop your shoulder back into the joint. You lost consciousness for a bit, so you're going to need a cat scan, but considering how things could have turned out..." I trailed off.

            She nodded and her eyes filled with tears. "I didn't even see the car coming from the side. I was trying so hard to avoid hitting the guy in front of me."

            "It's okay. There was nothing you could have done." I stroked her cheek and kissed her lightly before I wiped away her tears.

            "I'm so sorry, Edward."

            She closed her eyes and started to cry in earnest, and all I could do was lean over her and hold her gently. I wasn't really sure what she was sorry for, but I hated to see her cry, regardless. Whatever was bothering her, she was sobbing and sniffling. I wanted to pull her into my lap or tuck her under my chin but because of her injuries I couldn't. Instead I stroked her hair until she caught her breath, whispering 'I love you' and telling her there was nothing to be sorry for.

            She sat back, wiping her eyes with her good hand. "I don't mean the accident. I mean I've been a wreck lately. This whole trying to get pregnant thing is making me crazy. Rose already has a baby and Alice is pregnant, but it's not working for me."

            "Bella-"

            "But this puts it all in perspective. I mean, what would I do if something happened to you?" Her voice broke and she shook her head as if she had more to say but couldn't continue.

            "It's okay. God, I keep saying that. I love you so much, Bells. It doesn't matter. None of it matters. You're okay, and we're fine."

            She nodded and put her hand on my cheek. "I love you, too."

            The door opened and I glanced back to see Demetri coming in. He smiled and walked over to check the monitors. He asked Bella how she was feeling and told her they'd get her something for her headache. He held the chart against his chest and folded his arms, raising his eyebrows and giving us a strange look.

            "So, this is the good news/bad news part."

            Bella looked at him a little confused and I figured he was going to tell us CT was backed way up, or Bella was going to have to stay overnight.

            "Good news first," Bella finally said when he seemed to be waiting for us to respond.

            He grinned. It covered his entire face and I had no idea what was going on. "The good news is you're pregnant.

            "No, I'm not. I just had my period." She shook her head in confusion.

            "What?" I said stupidly, not sure I'd heard him right.

            He laughed at us. "Yeah, I was surprised too. I figured if you knew, one of you would have mentioned it. I'm sure you did have what you thought was a period; it's not unheard of. But you're pregnant. I ran the test twice to confirm it."

            I knew what he was saying was possible. Women could experience decidual bleeding where they shed part of the uterine lining because of quick hormonal shifts. I was too shocked and excited to even speak, but apparently I was squeezing the hell out of Bella's hand because she pulled it out of my grasp, with a sharp, "Ow."

            "Sorry," I said quickly, rubbing her hand. I looked up at Demetri, my heart pounding. "You're serious?"

            He nodded. "Congratulations."

            "Oh my God," I whispered before leaning down to slip my hands into Bella's hair. She was crying again, and I kissed away the tears. "We're having a baby! I love you so much."

            "I love you, too. This is crazy!" She let me kiss her again then pulled back, suddenly looking worried. She glanced over at Demetri. "What's the bad news?"

            "Ah. Well, the bad news is no CT scan for you."

            Right. Definitely. No CT's for pregnant women. My pregnant woman. That made me smile.

            "Oh. But—the baby's okay, right?" She bit her lip, waiting for his answer.

            Oh, Christ. That should have been my first question. She had cracked ribs so obviously something had hit her in the abdomen. I was failing at fatherhood already.

            "We'll do a quick ultra-sound to be sure, but I think you should be okay. Your HCG levels are over 1,000, so you're likely four to six weeks along. You'll need to do some math later and talk with your OB to be sure."

            "Okay," she nodded, then laughed. "So, what's the bad news? I got distracted."

            I laughed and kissed her temple, answering for Demitri. "The bad news is that you're spending the night here."

            "What? No!" She looked at Demetri and he shrugged in agreement with me.

            "Sorry, Bells," I apologized. "If they can't check you in the cat scan they'll want to watch you over night and seeing as you're pregnant...I'm not going to argue with them."

            "They've got a room up on four for you. I'm sure the nurses won't say anything if Edward stays over. You can have a little slumber party."

            Bella rolled her eyes. 'Thanks, but you're not selling it."

            "Well, I'm not changing my mind, and neither is your husband. Congratulations, you two. I'll see if Claire has the paperwork done so we can move you upstairs, sound good?"

            "Yeah, thanks." I stood and shook his hand and headed back into the emergency room.

            Close to an hour later we were lying together in her tiny hospital bed, talking quietly. We'd already checked the calendar and figured Demetri was probably right when he estimated her to be six weeks along.

            "God, we're a mess," she laughed. "We were all freaked out and I had a complete meltdown for nothing. I'm an idiot."

            My hand was under her hospital gown rubbing her belly. "You're not an idiot. I should have known, or at least even considered it. We didn't even take a test; we just assumed your period meant you weren't pregnant."

            "Well, apparently I wasn't for six months so we weren't that far off." She giggled. "Ow, my ribs."

            "Bella, I know you were having a hard time. Shit. I feel awful that I didn't really see how you were feeling. You have to know—baby or no baby—you're all I need."

            "I know, Edward."

            I kissed her gently, then shifted us around so she was snuggled against me without hurting her ribs. "Now, get some sleep Mrs. Masen-Cullen, you're carrying my child."

            She laughed again. "Like that's going to help me sleep! Now I'm all excited thinking about baby names...like Renesmee and Charlisle, you know with an H?"

            "No—just, no."

            She waved her hand. "We'll come back that. We'll need to decorate the nursery. Your mom will help with that, I'm sure. Oh, and maternity clothes. I'm going to need a whole new wardrobe! Ugh...I'm gonna get fat."

            "You're going to be beautiful."

            "You're crazy."

            "Crazy in love with you."

            She sighed. "Goodnight, Edward."

            "Goodnight, mama."

            She elbowed me in the stomach but I could see her sleepy smile in the dim light. I gave her one last gentle squeeze and closed my eyes.

            Tomorrow was the beginning of everything we'd dreamed of.


End file.
